Disaster Button
by alwaysbringback-up
Summary: When Castle disappears before he can retreat to the Hamptons, and the detectives of the 12th are left rushing in an effort to get him back alive. What none of them know, is that they are in way over their heads. Will they be able to get their friend back alive?
1. Prologue

**_Title: Disaster Button (Prologue)_**

**_Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Natan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!_**

**_Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2._**

**_Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)_**

**_A/N: So this is just a teaser of what is to come. I will post the first one or two chapters tonight, since the story is practically finished (I have the first 8 chapters written, and ready to go). I wanted to post this in honor of the new season of Castle, which starts Monday, September 20! EeK! I have purposely kept this story away from any season 3 spoilers, so you can have no fear while reading. I would like to note for the record that this will be a Caskett pairing. I hope you all enjoy it._**

**_Prologue_**

"NYPD! Drop your weapons and put your hands where we can see them!" Kate shouted as she rushed in, with dozens of others. Her heart thundered deafeningly in her ears, as her senses piqued. Her hand was steady on the police issued service piece held tightly in her hand. Her head swept from side to side as she checked for nearby hostiles. A gasp befell her lips as she threw herself against one of the crates, assuming the defensive position. Adrenaline coursed through her veins. She let her heart pound for a minute before she catapulted herself out from behind it and into the dark shadows. She could already hear gunfire on the far side of the warehouse. "Castle," she found herself shouting, "Castle! Where are you?"

A short ways away, Castle closed his eyes. Just to hear her voice again was all he could have asked for before death. In some ways it was comforting and it gave him hope. He had thought he would never hear her voice again, or see her beautiful emerald green eyes. He wanted to yell out to her, but he knew better. The danger in this situation was too real. It was nothing more than a trap, and he knew it. He wanted to know that no real harm would come to him.

Kate couldn't save him now. He feared that it was too late. He knew about the explosives, and the fact that he wasn't meant to make it out of there alive. All Castle could hope was that Kate would understand. But mostly, Castle hoped that Kate would know how important it was to him that she take care of Alexis in his absence.

"Castle!" Kate shouted again, throwing herself around another stack of crates. She would never admit to it out loud. But she was afraid. She was frantic, and feared that he was already dead. "Castle, please! Answer me!" Kate began to feel the panic rise up and overtake her rigid, cold-hearted exterior. She had to find him. Kate ducked out from behind another set of crates on the opposite end of the warehouse from which the gunfire was taking place. What she saw in the shadows had her freezing in her tracks. A dim light flickered nearby, and it was though its dimness that she saw the first shadow of him.

"Oh thank god," She breathed, "Castle." She performed a quick check of the perimeter, and when she realized she was on her own, and that there was no immediate danger she rushed forwards.

"Castle!" Kate's voice hissed in panic. She nearly yelled as she saw the blood on the floor at his feet. His head shot up from where it had been lolling on his sternum, and his eyes connected with hers. It was as if she was seeing him for the first time, and she couldn't look away. All of the air left her lungs as he held her gaze. His shoulders were pinned to the back of the chair and his arms were chained to the armrest. His legs weren't restrained, but as Kate looked at them she realized why.

"Oh, Castle," she swore when she saw that they had blown out his left knee so he couldn't possibly run. He was struggling to free himself and Kate watched in amazement as he nearly succeeded. All of the practice Castle had taken to research his own character's escape methods seemed to be paying off. She rushed forwards to help.

"I've got it," Kate offered as started to rush over.

"No," Castle said all too quickly, in a stern voice. "Don't." This caused Kate to pause for a moment. She looked at him as if she were confused.

"Let me help," she ordered as she approached, despite the fact he begged him not to.

"Kate…No." She was within 15 or so yards of him when he finally got his hands free. "You can't help me." Castle looked at her for a long moment, taking in everything about her. "Look, you need to leave."

"No!" Kate replied indignantly.

"Kate," Castle's voice was low and quiet as he spoke, "Please. I'm begging you. It's…It's a trap. You need to get out."

"No," Kate refused. "I'm not leaving without you! Castle, I…I can't leave you." She took another step forwards.

"Stop," Castle's voice boomed. "Don't come any closer." Kate momentarily froze in mid-step. She hadn't realized her hands were trembling until her gun nearly slipped from her hands. Quickly she slipped it behind her back.

"I need to help you," Kate spoke emphatically. "You…You're hurt. You can't make it out of here on your own."

"Kate," Castle's voice was patient. He held her eyes. She watched him struggle against his own bonds. His shoulder throbbed, his side felt as if it were on fire. "This place is wired to explode," Castle revealed. "Kate, I'm begging you to get everyone out of here. I'll wait for the bomb squad."

"No," she swallowed thickly. "I'm not leaving you." She reached for her radio. "Clear the building now, guys. I've found explosives. Tell the bomb squad to enter the western shipping bay." Castle's eyes darted to the clock next to him, squeezing his eyes shut. There was less than a minute left on the clock. He could try to escape, but knew he was hooked up to a trip wire, freeing himself would set off the bomb. He looked down to his knee, which was swollen beyond belief. He wouldn't be able to walk or put any of his weight on the leg. He stood no chance.

"Kate," Castle's voice was thick with emotion as he spoke. "There's no time."

Kate stepped forwards, as the words sunk in. "How long?" Kate's voice wavered.

"Thirty seconds," Castle replied as he continued to struggle against the chains that bound him. The sweat that covered his body due to the fight or flight instinct at work in him, helped him free his arms the rest of the way.

For a moment, Castle thought that he was going to do it, that he was going to make it out of there alive, but before he could dwell on that fact for even a moment, he heard an audible click. And in the next moment his stomach sank. He knew that he had accidentally set off the fuse, and he knew what was coming next. Kate however, did not. She started to draw closer, and Castle did the only thing he could. He threw up his hands with the palm facing towards her and yelled as loudly as he could.

"No! Kate! Stop," her head shot up just in time to meet his eyes, and what she saw in them scared her to death. Fear. Castle was afraid. And the Castle she knew was never afraid or serious about anything. She only had a second to process what his eyes were saying to her. "I'm sorry," his voice boomed, as his eyes spoke the rest of what he could not say aloud.

_'I love you'_

"Castle! No!" Kate screamed. She took one more step forwards. Her love for him made her unable to turn back. In a blinding flash, Kate watched as the explosion swallowed Castle whole. She could feel the raw heat of the blast on her exposed flesh, even where she stood. She had no time to react before her feet were thrown out from under her and she was thrown backwards, her hand over her face, to shield her from the expanding fireball. It was over in a few seconds, but it seemed like it was forever. And he was gone.

**_Please read and review! Let me know if you are interested in reading!_**


	2. Selfless, Cold, and Composed

Title: Disaster Button

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.

Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)

Chapter 1: This Is the End

"Richard," the disembodied voice spoke emphatically on the other end of the telephone, "I must strongly suggest that you get out of the city and make yourself disappear."

"You're kidding right? You seem to be forgetting something important. I live here," Castle replied simply. "This city is my home! I'm not going to run, just because things didn't go as we planned. I get it. There's a possibility that they might come after me, but frankly, I think it's about time we smoked them out anyways, don't you?"

"You don't seem to understand," the other man argued. "They will kill you over this, Rick. Once they know it was you without a doubt they will come after you with everything they have." He swallowed, "And believe me when I say that you do not want to be around when any of that happens."

"I…I'll think about, okay?" Castle conceded softly. "Look, I have your number. I'll call you if anything should happen."

"You've got two weeks, Castle, maybe less," he warned. "So you better make the decision quickly. They… They won't wait long, Castle." Castle squeezed his eyes shut momentarily. He knew that fact better than anybody. His strategy of dealing with all of this in the beginning had been to simply push all of the emotions that came with an event such as this into the back of his mind. After all, the amygdala is one of the greatest gifts to human mind. It allows people to connect emotion with certain events and drives the retention of memories while allowing us to block out others that aren't so pleasant. And in the case of Richard Castle, it unfortunately only served as a means to put off the inevitable consequences that he knew he would face. He didn't have a whole lot of time to get himself out of the mess was in and was afraid to drag anyone else into it. He knew that he needed to make the choice that he knew could mean everything. "Perhaps it's time you told the others," the man suggested in a low gravely voice, "They should know, especially Detective Beckett."

"No," Castle's voice was forceful and left no room for argument. "I'm leaving her out of this, Ron. She doesn't need to concern herself with my matters. She and everyone else at the 12th precinct have enough of a job to do already." Castle swallowed, shifting uneasily as he looked around.

"Hey how about you come into the bureau's office tonight and we'll have some coffee," Ron suggested. "That way we can through some things." He was quiet for a long moment. "Look, I know that you hate the whole idea of witsec and what it means, but you might be surprised. "A lot of people in witsec are able to lead relatively normal lives."

"Yeah," Castle replied. "Ron, I …have to go. I'll call you later?" Rick hung up then despite the fact that the man's voice was still begging him to hear him out.

And after he slipped his phone into his pocked and took one look around to make sure nothing had overheard their conversation, Castle just started walking. It was something he usually did without a care in the world, but it all seemed different now that he realized the danger he was in. As he walked, he stuffed his left hand into his jacket, feeling the cool metal of the object inside. Inside the lint filled pocket of his long heavy coat, he had a small glock. He hated all guns, except for maybe the ones used to place laser tag, or the cool ones he saw on various science fiction shows. In this case the gun was merely there to offer comfort and safety to him. He occasionally brushed shoulders as he tried to move through the crowd quickly. His heart pounded anxiously in his chest. And his palms began to sweat as his eyes darted around in front of him, behind him, and even to oblivious New Yorkers walking on the other side of the street.

Tonight had not gone as planned and it drove Castle crazy. He had put so many hours into the operation. He had snuck out of his apartment to meet with FBI officials at all times of the night, trying to come up with a plan that would draw out all sorts of criminals. As instructed, using his creative abilities, logic, and much more, Castle had come up with what the thought to be a perfect plan. The most promising thing about it all was that Castle had seemingly found the perfect place for the sting operation to take place. It was perfect, mainly because there were only a couple of exits into and out of the building. The techs were going to put tracking devices on the weapons that were being transported and tap into the computer so that they could track the money transfers as they came. He prayed that the techs were ready to go fishing because people who knew they had something huge to hide, where usually pretty good at running the account numbers through hundreds of countries and banks in a 30 minute window. They put Castle in some very thin Kevlar and stuck it under his business suit. He was supposed to be in the room during the sting and help make sure that everyone was going smoothly. And it was running smoothly right up until the point that it suddenly wasn't…

_Castle, who was playing an investor for Black Pawn publishing was just finishing his pitch in regards to price of the large array of weapons and international currency. He could practically see some of them salivating as they looked an examined each weapon. Castle felt sick to his stomach as he realized that these weapons could very well wind up in the hands of terrorists._

_He just received a few orders from the group, when all hell broke loose. An entire swat team rushed in, with guns blazing. They used rubber bullets to take down all the inner occupants. "FBI! Freeze! Lay down on the ground with your hands over your head. Castle gulped as he tried to make a run for the stairwell, only to be gunned down. Castle crumpled on the floor as an officer rushed over._

_"Check him," the commanding officer ordered. Castle could move little as man searched him._

_"If you looking for my wallet," Castle's voice slurred, "It's in my left pocket."_

_"You have a gun on you?" the officer asked and Castle merely shook his head. _

_"No," Castle chocked out as he squeezed his eyes shut, willing for the nightmare to end. Castle waited for the man to examine his ID. "You're Rick Castle?" the man sounded surprised. Castle laid slightly still, trying to look up into the eyes of the man towering over him._

_"Yeah," Castle swallowed._

_"And you're working with us," he whispered under his breath in Castle's ear. "I have to say, that's pretty encouraging."_

_"You're going to have to cuff me," Rick said softly. "I'm supposed to be undercover." The man nodded, ordering Castle to roll over before cuffing him. "So why did you come in early. Everything was going so well."_

_"Alvarez was armed," Agent Hodkins replied. "We don't think that this was a buy, we think it was a stick up."_

_"Oh," Castle could only choke out as he swallowed over the lump in his throat. It was still hard to process what exactly was going on. The ground felt like it had fallen out from beneath his feet, as the deal that he had tediously planned for so long had gone from bad to worse faster than he could even react._

_"Oh… is right," the officer swallowed as he continued to lead Castle from the warehouse and across an empty parking lot towards where all of the other cruisers were flashing their lights. _

_"What about the money, the weapons, and the drugs," Castle asked as they neared the cop car._

_"We'll seize them," he replied simply. "They'll be tagged by the FBI and put into collective evidence. That was we can use them to put away all of the freaks from inside. Castle choked back vomit in his own mouth as he realized what that meant. For him it could easily be death. The company exec of Black Pawn Publishing was ruthless, and Castle knew that when the man found out about it he was going to be in serious trouble._

It had all happened already a couple of days ago and Castle was not any closer to make a decision. Luckily, his fellow colleagues, who had been participating in the stint did not have stories that lined up, while giving him a chance to come up with a believable one. Only, part of him always knew that he was going to get caught.

Castle expelled a deep breath into the cool night air as he walked briskly down the street. He felt constantly sick to his stomach, and sticking around the precinct just so that he could watch Kate and Tom make out in the break room was not exactly his idea of a good night. Every muscle in his body was tightly wound. His body was so full of anxiousness he felt as if his skin was crawling. He couldn't stop looking at faces. Everybody around him felt dangerous. He flipped the phone shut, cutting off the man currently talking into his ear and slipped the phone into his pocket. A particularly cold gust cut right through his long coat and a shiver rocketed up his spine as he slipped into an old bar in lower Manhattan, wanting more than anything to just disappear. His phone buzzed incessantly in his pocket as he sat down and ordered a stiff drink. Within seconds the bartender was pouring him a glass. He thanked him, and waited for him to stalk off to the other end of the bar before he let out another swearword under his breath. With a trembling hand he lifted his glass to his lips. He closed his eyes as he took a sip of scotch. The alcohol burned the whole way down, and Castle relished the burn. It made him feel alive.

_What had he done?_ Castle could scarcely breath as he thought about the consequences over and over. He knew the warnings were true. He would die for what he'd done. He opened his eyes and let his head drop into his hands, as he ran his hand over his jaw roughly.

When the feds first approached him, four months ago, he'd been stuck in a permanent state of disbelief. Surely, everything he believed in couldn't be a lie. Could it? His entire career had been shaped and sculpted by Black Pawn publishing. Hell, he would be a nobody if it weren't for them. They'd believed in him from the start. They had even gone so far as to publish his first book while he was still in college. And then after the book had been an instant success, they'd offered him a deal with them that he simply could not refuse. Now, he felt sick. He felt betrayed. They had used him. They had used him to do true evil to this world. They'd used him as a front to cover drug and weapons trafficking. It was anyone's worst nightmare.

Richard Castle, although he would deny it to most, was quite a philanthropist, who sought to make a difference in people's lives, whether it be through writing or through other means. He had to admit that he felt a happy to discover that his books had made it possible for Beckett to make it through her mother's brutal murder. But it was bout more than that. There were a lot of causes close to his heart, and he was suddenly left to wonder just how much of this money that was supposedly taken out of paycheck every month made it to those charities. He felt like he wanted to scream. He felt like he wanted to pull his hair out. How dare they? He wanted to ask. "How can people be so cruel?"

He was a writer. His own imagination often ran away with him, but not even he could believe it when the Federal Bureau had approached him and told him that his publishing company was a front for a company that dealt abundantly in the black market. At first, he denied them outright. He told them that it must have been a mistake and had fled from them as fast as humanly possible. He knew they watched him closely from then on, fearing that he might reveal this knowledge to someone else in the company and ruin everything the bureau had worked for. Instead, he did what any other man would do. He was careful. He remained neutral until he had enough information to take a work the case on his own. He wanted to take sides and know in his heart and his mind that it was the right thing to do. And so, he spent countless hours over the next couple of months doing his own research. He utilized every resource he had, to get copies of financial records from Black Pawn Publishing. What he found then, astounded him. He'd been reeling from the shock ever since.

After viewing the records and seeing the proof, he knew immediately what he had to do. After all, he was a human being with morals. He refused to be someone's puppet and decided to take a stand. He knew the difference between right and wrong and his heart refused to let him do anything else than to help the bureau take them down, so he offered them his services and told them he'd do whatever it was they needed to help them take the company down, to rip it from its very foundation, whether it ultimately ended his work as a writer or not.

Undercover, he worked patiently for the bureau for several months, doing everything they asked. And tonight he'd done everything they asked. He'd staged a setup, a deal that he knew would draw out several other local companies involved in dealings on the black market. Only somehow, things had gone terribly wrong. The bureau had been forced to barge in prematurely. Now nearly ten million dollars was in the hands of the U.S. government and Castle had a fresh target on his back. It wouldn't take long for those involved to figure out Castle was the mole. They would know it was him who was the snitch, and they would come after him the very moment that they discovered the truth. He let out a gruff sigh as his phone started going off for the twentieth time in twenty minutes. Castle's palms were sweating as he pulled the phone out from his pocket. He was rather shocked to see whom it was who was calling now. It was Kate.

Castle took another breath as he stared at the display. He decided quickly that he was in no state to talk to Detective Beckett. He knew if he talked to her tonight, she would know something was wrong. His voice would betray his own fear. Somehow, she would be able to tell something was wrong, and so he let it ring through to voicemail. It wasn't until minutes later that he checked his voicemail to find that another body had dropped.

He decided to sit this one out as he tried to think of what to do next. He knew that the choices he made in the next week or two could mean life or death for him and his family. It was time to start assuming the worst. He was going to have to get out of the city. Castle groaned. How had his life been turned upside down in such a short time? Everything in his body resisted the idea of running. It wasn't who he was. He wasn't a coward. He believed in taking a stand for what he considered to be right. He had to start weighing the pros against the cons. His family was more important to him than anything else, but there were ways to protect them.

* * *

_I can't keep a straight face and say this is not the end_  
_not if you want it its upon us and I wanna say it's sinking in_

Castle stood in a rigid stance against the back wall of the elevator as the metal box ascended to the 4th floor of the precinct. The elevator still made him nervous from time to time, even though maintenance had fixed it and it was as good as new. His eyes bore the same glassy and dazed look they had worn for the past couple of days. Ever since his last conversation with Kate, in which she had finally admitted she was seeing Demming, Castle had found it hard to merely function. If you have asked him, he couldn't have been able to tell you how long it had been since he had slept. The insomnia was no surprise to him, however. There isn't a writer out there that didn't expect the many long and sleepless nights that came with writer's block. Over the past several days, Castle had felt a steely resolve. He was determined to write and punished himself until he was able to do so. He couldn't eat because of the nausea, which wouldn't go away. Luckily, the self-discipline worked. He managed to finish another Nikki Heat book. And although he knew the third book, Burning Heat, would take a direction very much different than that of which he earlier had intended, Castle felt semi-pleased with the end result of _Naked Heat_.

_This may sound crazy but I want to come back home_  
_That's it I said it now I'm sailing off to Neverland and then Japan_

And now came the hard part…

As the elevator dinged, signaling its arrival, Castle sprung off the back wall and was out of the doors before they were fully open. His hands were curled into large fists. He could feel the eyes of many follow his movements as he made his way across the floor, but ignored them. He walked with a purpose, not letting himself get distracted. More importantly, he wasn't sure if he could face her yet. He approached the captain of the 12th precinct. A man, whom Castle considered to be a good friend. He was speaking with one of his officers when Castle walked up to him.

"Excuse me. Captain Montgomery?" Castle interrupted with a stern voice, "I'm sorry to bother you, but could I have a word?"

"Sure," Montgomery nodded, able to tell that something wasn't right. He pardoned himself from the officer he had been talking with and followed Castle into his office, shutting the door behind them. He watched as Castle walked slowly towards a chair and plopped down into it. His shoulder slumping as he did so.

"What can I do for you?" Roy asked as he sat down in the desk across from Castle, who had already made himself at home in a comfy chair.

"I uh…" Castle rubbed at his chin lazily, "I just wanted to apologize for not showing up the past few days. I didn't intend for it to happen. I apologize."

"It's not a big deal. We just figured something came up," Roy said dismissively.

"Right. Well, bout that… I just wanted to let you know, for formalities sake, that this will be my last week here," Castle said evenly, his hands meshed together in his lap. "I know that I'm not technically employed here or anything and so it may not really be necessary for me to give notice. But I thought that I at least owed you that much."

"Wait a minute. You're leaving?" Roy found himself asking. He had started to think of Castle as one of the team, and now the man was about to walk away. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Castle nodded. "I've had another commitment come up that I need to take seriously. I dare say that I won't have time to participate in shadowing Detective Beckett anymore. Besides, it's becoming clear to me that you don't need me here. None of you do."

"Nonsense. You've been a big help," he replied, "I mean…I know that Kate might treat you like you're more of a hindrance, but I can't tell you how many cases would still be open if it weren't for you. And Kate knows that too."

"I appreciate your kindness," Castle smiled, before shaking his head in disagreement, "But let's be honest. I'm a writer. I trail your detectives and make an already impossible job even harder. I can see it now. I was determined, at first, to prove myself. And then, I wanted to show that I was intelligent, that I could think outside the box, and that I belonged here. But now..."

"You have done that," Roy interrupted. "You've proven yourself in many respects."

"But at the end of the day, I don't have a badge," Castle grunted. "At the end of the day, I'm still left wondering how people could do something like kill someone in cold blood."

"But I thought that you liked this kind of work. I thought you were impressed by what we do here," Roy replied.

"Don't get me wrong, chief. I do like it. It challenges me in ways I've never thought of before. It's caused me to think outside of the box. It's taught me to persevere. Not that I wasn't already good at that before…but. Like I said. I have no place here. As much as I desire to be, I'm not part of the gang."

"Castle," Roy sighed.

"Do you know what Esposito called me the other day?" Castle cut off the man, sensing the coming patronizing tone. "His partner." Castle sighed, raking a hand over his lower jaw. "Do you know how that made me feel?" Castle asked. Roy shook his head.

"I felt Grateful. I never thought anyone here could respect me in that way. I sometimes wish that Kate would, but it's clear that she doesn't really trust me." Castle looked out the window.

"You know that's not true," Roy said sternly.

"There are different kinds of trust," Castle spoke without looking at the man across from him. "In some ways, she trusts me. In others? Not even close." Rick began to pace back and forth in front of the windows.

"Castle," Roy sighed, seeing that emotions ran deep for Castle. "I like you. You're a good man. And I'm telling you that you are wanted here. Why are you so anxious to leave?"

"Because I don't have a choice," Castle nearly growled. "I can't write. I can't even think. I'm a wreck." Castle paused, reaching up to pull at his hair. "When I started Nikki Heat," he sighed, "I thought that this was going to be it. And I thought that because I cared about her so much that I couldn't possibly screw this up." Another pause. "But I did, Damnit. So that's it. I'm done. I'm calling it like it is." Castle's voice had risen on its own at the pain and anguish he felt at losing Kate.

"Castle," Roy was concerned now, "What is this really about?"

"Nothing, okay?" Castle asked angrily. "I'm going now." Castle stood up, but before he could take so much as a step, Montgomery was yelling too.

"Sit back down," Montgomery ordered sternly. "Don't you dare lie to me, Rick. I deserve better than that. Tell me why you want to leave." He paused, looking Castle in the eye. "Because if I know anything it's because of my detective. Has she made you feel unwanted?"

"No," Castle shook his head, "It's not like that. Kate hasn't done anything."

"Then why?"

"Because I've let myself get into some trouble, and now everything is suffering because of it," Castle sighed, "I couldn't write a sentence if you needed me to for crying out loud. I can't concentrate enough to help out on a case." He stood up, this time standing stock still. "I just need to get out of the city for a while…" Castle spoke, running his hand over his jaw, "I've been pursuing another job. Don't ask me about it because I can't really say anything about it yet. Let's just say that it has always been a dream of mine. It's kind of hard to explain. But I'm hoping that this change will get my life going in the direction I want it to again."

"Like you thought it would with Nikki Heat?" Roy asked.

"Yeah."

"And you really can't tell me about it?" Roy asked with great interest.

"No," Castle shook his head. "You'll think it's stupid."

"Rick," Montgomery spoke, sounding impatient, "You know that I would never judge you."

"I applied for a position at the academy," Castle said so softly he almost couldn't be heard.

"What's your intention?" he asked. "What do you want out of it?"

"You probably don't know this about me," Castle said, sitting back down, "but in school, I was a part of the ROTC program at my college. I hoped to pursue things there, but then on a whim I got into Literature and wound up getting published before I graduated. Everything was easy then. Every decision was made for me. But I've always had this regret. I wanted to be involved in protecting the country and its citizens. And to this day, I wish that I had joined the force when I had the chance. All I can do now is take a shot at it, and hope I get another offer. Not necessarily from the government, but perhaps from someone else." Castle chuckled. "I mean I've always loved the idea of being involved, but judging from some of our investigations, I'm not very good at it."

"So this is for real, huh?"

"Yes." Castle nodded, "But I would appreciate it if you didn't mention it to anyone. Because like I said, I'm not so sure this is going to work out yet."

"And you _really_ think that doing that is going to make things better for you?"

"Maybe," Rick sighed. "I have to try. And like I said…I'm not needed here anymore so…"

"Look," Roy spoke in a low voice, "I know that I can't ask you to…and that you have no obligation to since the contract stated it would be you that decided the duration of this agreement. But please…give it another week. Take some extra time to make sure this is really what you want."

"You want me to stay for another week?"

"Yes."

"Fine. I think I can do that. It's the least I can do."

"Good." Roy nodded. "There's one more thing I must ask, as well."

"What is it?" Castle asked, worried things were going to escalate into another argument.

"You have to tell Beckett," Roy said sternly.

"Kate?" Castle shook his head, his feelings running away with him again. "No. No way."

"You owe her that much," Roy argued, "And you know it."

"Fine. I'll tell her," Castle grunted, "When I'm sure that this is what's happening. I'll even tell Ryan and Esposito as well."

"Deal." The men shook hands.

* * *

Meanwhile, speculation began outside regarding what it is that had Castle so flustered. "What's going on?" Esposito and Ryan heard their partner asked as she arrived back from having lunch on the floor below. They tried to block Kate's view of the office, albeit, rather poorly.

"Who is that?" Kate asked craning her neck.

"Castle's here," Esposito announced in a nonchalant tone, even though he knew Kate would take special interest in the news.

"He's here?" Kate sounded surprised. "Where?"

"He's in with Captain Montgomery," Ryan replied.

Kate started to walk past the duo when Esposito spoke out, reaching out for her arm. "Oh, I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Why not?" Kate found herself asking somewhat indignantly as she rounded on the pair, causing Ryan to take a step back.

"Because," Ryan picked up right where Esposito left off, "Castle didn't look very happy. And I've already heard him raise his voice at least once."

"Why is Castle angry?" Kate replied, "He's the one who's been MIA for the last four days. He hasn't even bothered to call." Kate was forced to hold her tongue as the door to Montgomery's office opened and Castle came walking out slowly. Kate was forced to do a double take as her eyes fell onto a man she knew to be more like a twelve-year-old boy. He looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"Well...well well," Esposito clicked his tongue, "look what we have here. It's Rick Castle."

"Hey guys," Castle replied tiredly. "Miss me?"

"You know it," Ryan replied.

"You ready to actually do some work today?" Esposito asked, "Cause we've got a case and could really use some extra help."

"Lot of help he'll be," Kate bit out walking past Castle, "Let me see," she commented, counting on her fingers for full effect, "He's only four days behind?"

"Here," Esposito handed Castle the file, "you can read through and let me know if you find anything unusual about the case."

"I'm sure Castle has better things to do tonight," Kate said quickly, "Besides…Tom has already said he'd assist on the case."

_So think real slow_  
_Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no_  
_About the way you want to go_  
_Cause I may forget the way to get back home_  
_This is the end if you want it_

"Right," Castle uttered, "Well, I guess I'll leave you guys to it then. Call me if you need anything." This reaction had Kate reeling in surprise. '_What?'_ She thought, '_you aren't going to argue with Tom taking your place on this one?_'

"Everything all right, Castle?" Kate found herself asking.

"Yeah," Castle nodded, "Just tired. Good luck with your case." Castle walked past her and out the door with no pause.

"What the hell?" Kate found herself asking as the doors elevator doors peeled shut and Castle disappeared from view. "What just happened?"

"I know, right?" Esposito added. "Something's wrong with our boy Castle."

"But what the hell is it?" Kate whispered.

"Beats me. Beats all of us," Ryan replied.

Several hours later, Kate found herself at Castle's door, threatening to knock it down. She was unprepared, however, when the door swung open and Castle stumbled into view in a loose fitting robe.

"Kate?" Castle's brows knit in confusion as he looked at her. "What are you doing here?"

"Aren't you going to ask me in?" Kate asked sheepishly, wondering where in the hell _her_ Castle had gone. He would have been pulling her into the apartment in an instant.

"Won't you come in?" Castle commented as he pushed the door open further and stepped aside. Kate looked around. She could hear a bit of Brahms playing in the background. "How can I help you, _detective_?"

"Okay…enough," Kate sighed in frustration, disgusted in hearing how he called her detective. Her personality took over. "Here's how this is going to go. You're going to tell me why the hell you've been acting so evasive, and then I'm going to forgive you for acting like this the past four days. I mean, you didn't even want to take a shot at the case?" Kate paused and found herself crossing her arms over her chest, now feeling uncomfortable. "So what is it?" Kate asked.

"He can't write," a voice piped up from behind Castle. Kate peered around to see Alexis curled up on the couch. Suddenly, she began to feel heat creep into her face, causing the color in her cheeks to darken.

"You can't write?" Kate spoke accusatorially to Castle.

"He has writer's block," Alexis commented again.

"Again?" Kate spoke in surprise.

"Hey!" Castle exclaimed, pouting, "I resent that. I'm a writer! It happens!"

"So…you can't write and you just stop showing up for work? What's that all about?" Kate asked.

"I wouldn't expect him to form a coherent sentence if I were you," Alexis replied, hopping up and walking to the door. "He hasn't slept."

"In how long?" Kate asked, examining his features with scrutiny.

"three days…" Alexis replied, taking her dad's hand.

"three days?" Kate said rather loudly, in an indignant tone.

"Oww!" Castle exclaimed as he threw his hands over his ears, "Not so loud!"

"Well," Alexis continued, "The publishers have been pushing really hard for the next Nikki Heat book and 'apparently' Dad hasn't completed it fast enough for their liking. So he's had to stay up day and night to try and finish it in time."

"But it's just the publisher's right?" Kate spoke, "They can't really do anything but threaten him, can they?"

"You'd be surprised," Alexis answered, meanwhile Castle watched the exchange with interest, "They've revoked his bonus before. When dad was just starting out, and supporting the two of us? They revoked his paycheck and cost us a month's rent. Dad had to go to Grams to get…" Castle quickly put his hand over Alexis' mouth as he realized that she really would tell Kate everything.

"I think that's enough, don't you pumpkin?" Castle asked, while manipulating her head to move up and down.

"So is everything going to be okay?" Kate asked, worry starting to creep in to her expression.

"Yeah," Castle nodded, "Everything is going to be fine. I finished the book this morning and sent it off to the publisher's. So they should be happy now. I'll be back to work tomorrow after I get some sleep." Kate watched as a yawn escaped Castle's mouth, though he tried to stifle it. "And now? I can sleep." Castle smiled at Kate for the first time that day, as if victorious. Kate seemed to know what was coming. "Would you like to join me, detective?"

"Eww…Dad!" Alexis protested. "I'm sitting right here." Kate chuckled and did what she knew best.

"I appreciate the offer, Castle," Kate smiled back, "But I think I'm going to head home now."

"Very well," Castle returned, "It was worth a shot wasn't it?"

"Always," Kate winked, "But it's never gonna happen."

_You're not the first thing in my life I've loved and lost_  
_Yeah I've thought worse things that I might be less inclined to merely just shrug off_  
_I took the fire escape and made it out alive_  
_Yeah I still burn from time to time but I've a healing hand against my side_

"Such a killjoy," Castle fake pouted. "Oh Beckett, you wound me so."

"You're a big boy, Castle," Kate replied, "You can handle it." A pause. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a good night," Castle said as he held onto the door. She was about to step out of reach when he reached out and grabbed her by the hand, causing her to whirl around in surprise, an expectant look on her features told him what she expected. And Castle could see that she was already guarding herself against him. He leaned in slowly, but not to kiss her. Instead, his warm breath grazed her ear, causing a shiver to shoot up her spine. "Just for the record?" he smiled, feeling the blood pulse through his fingers where he held her in place, "I missed you too. Thanks for coming tonight. I needed it."

"Anytime," Kate breathed back, causing him to shiver as well. It was amazing the kind of power she had over him. But what was even more frightening was the power he held over her. She wondered how much longer she could hold herself back.

"Have a good night, Alexis," Kate bid his daughter as she pulled away. "And take care of him for me."

"Will do," Alexis smiled, friendly as always, "Have a good night detective."

So think real slow  
Don't forget that yes is yes and no is no  
About the way you want to go  
Cause I may forget the way to get back home  
This is the end if you want it  
This is the end if you want it  
and this is the end

A moment later Castle was closing the door, wishing that just once she had stayed. But he knew. He knew that she was seeing detective Demming. The kiss he witnessed told him that much. And he knew they weren't serious or anything but it was enough to leave him question Beckett's feelings for himself. What if he was disillusioned? What if the feelings he felt for Kate were only one-sided? He didn't want to think about it, and yet, he was already setting up his plan B. What he did know though, was that he wasn't giving her up, not without a fight.


	3. Crying Shame

**Chapter 3: Crying Shame**

* * *

**Title: Disaster Button**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.**

**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**

**A/N: I'd like to establish a time frame for you all. This takes place nearly two weeks after Rick's conversation with Montgomery. Rick still hasn't told Kate or the others about his planned departure. And he disappears before he really has a chance to explain. I know it might be a little confusing, but bear with me...**

_Too late_  
_Yeah baby it's too late_  
_And time has made the spell abate_  
_And now it's time to desecrate_

Castle wasn't used to losing. In fact, Castle found usually found himself able to attain whatever it was he wanted. Whether it was a great book deal, shadowing a detective, or picking up a beautiful blonde for a night, he usually had no trouble. But as he stood back watching Kate and Tom hash out suspects and alibis for the case they were currently working on, Castle felt his heart start sink in his chest. He tried to fight the resignation, the acceptance that had slowly started to sink in to his chest over the past week. He had thought that he might have had a chance after Kate had gone to his apartment. But now he was spending his last days at the precinct, looking in from the background.

_Pure hearts stumble_  
_In my hands, they crumble_  
_Fragile and stripped to the core_  
_I can't hurt you anymore_

_But we had a dream_  
_And it was meant to be_  
_And we were kissing gods_  
_Against all the odds_

He knew that they had been on several "dates" although in technical terms they never actually went out. Castle was forced to look away as Kate flashed her shy flirtatious smile at the robbery detective. It used to be that she reserved that smile for Castle, but now it was being aimed at a new attractive love interest. Castle liked Demming, he really did, although he had some doubts initially. But now that Tom had captured Beckett's heart, it was very hard not to find something to dislike about the man.

Castle let out a sigh as he looked down to the envelope in his hands. His head jerked back up a moment later when he heard Kate's laugh. To say it didn't pull at his heartstrings would be a lie. There was just something about her…. Actually, it was everything about her that drove him wild. From the first day he'd met her he was pretty sure she was far different from anyone else he'd met before. I mean this in a good way, of course. Now, he had to accept that he not only had lost her to another man, but that he was going to lose her completely. The photos he'd received several days ago made it clear he was going to have to leave New York permanently. Perhaps even within the next few days.

Things were rocky between Rick and Kate in the beginning, as they didn't hit it off very well. But now they'd been through a lot together. Kate knew Castle on a personal level. She knew about his love for his daughter Alexis, that he carried the personality of a over-imaginative twelve year old, that he took great care of his mother Martha, and that he had a heart of gold. Unfortunately, the same couldn't be said for Castle. Kate had never really let him in much. Even in regards to her mother, she kept him out, until he forced his way into the investigation. He had nearly lost her then, when she told him to get lost. She was angry at him for interfering. He could understand that. But needless to say, they had been through a lot together over the past year.

For those of you who don't know how this rather quirky relationship began, I will have to give you a little bit of a background. Richard Castle kills people for a living. Yes, that's right. He spends hours, days, weeks, coming up with ways to kill both the good guys, and the bad. Rick is a highly renowned murder mystery author, and anyone who has read his work will tell you that he's a damned good one at that. The first time they met, was when he was put on a case related to one of his previous novels. The murderer was a copycat, and Rick had been asked to assist with the case, much to Beckett's discontent. The funny thing is that Kate was and is a huge fan of Castle's, but she would never fully admit to that. When meeting this cocky, overconfident charmer, Kate had been annoyed, but Castle saw something in her that made him unable to turn away. Somehow, she became the inspiration for a new line of books he stared after killing off his old main character, Derek Storm. Much to Kate's dismay, Castle was signed on at the 12th precinct as a correspondent. He was eager to take the offer because he had a serious case of writer's block and needed a little bit of help.

He had shadowed Kate for over a year now, and just when he thought that she was warming up to him, Tom Demming was transferred over from the 54th precinct, which brings us back to the present.

"Well, I think we should call it a night," Castle looked at Kate as she let out a defeated sigh, "I don't think we're going to have much of a breakthrough tonight. Let's pick it up where we left off tomorrow."

"Sure thing," Demming nodded. "Would you like to get a bite to eat? I'm starving."

"Uh," Castle watched as the red in her cheeks slowly crept in. She looked away from the other detective to hide this, but as her eyes wandered they fell onto Richard Castle, and for a moment, they locked eyes. For a second, she looked flustered, embarrassed, but then she looked away and smiled. "Sure. Let me get my coat."

"Perfect," Tom's handsome features turned into a wide boyish smile. Castle watched as Tom went down to his floor to grab his coat, and Kate walked off in the direction of her desk to get hers. Castle cleared his throat, his hands shaking slightly, and followed after her.

It was if she could feel him behind her and so she stopped rather suddenly. Castle had to do everything he could not to run into her.

_Now it's a crying shame_  
_And it's a crying shame_  
_You don't know who to blame_  
_We'll never be the same_  
_And it's a crying shame_

"What is it Castle?" Kate said impatiently. The Kate that had been at his door only five days ago couldn't be found in her expression at all, and Castle felt bewildered. She glared at him, seemingly annoyed with him for keeping her from Demming for the time being. He could tell that she wasn't the least bit amused at the fact he seemed to be trying to get her attention.

"I…uh was wondering if I could talk with you for a minute," Castle breathed out calmly. "It's important."

"I'm about to take off," she said with the some sort of annoyance. He took a moment to look into her chocolate brown eyes and saw the same thing he had for the last several weeks. He was unwanted, and he knew it. "Can't it wait till tomorrow?" she asked, holding his gaze. This time it was him who looked away. Castle took a moment to swallow over the lump in his throat. He had to swallow his pride.

"Yeah," Castle spoke in a laid back voice. "Sure. I guess it can wait." Kate smiled, grateful. He wondered silently if this was going to be the last time he saw her. He wanted to say a proper goodbye, but knew that it would seem odd to Kate. Instead, he swallowed his own words as he tried to memorize the green tint of her eyes, the soft pink lips, and the brown hair that fell to her shoulders.

"Thanks," she spoke a moment later, "It's just that it's been a long day, and I don't think I can deal with much more right now."

"It's fine," Castle reassured her, though he wasn't sure if he believed it himself.

"Have a good night, Castle," Kate said as she grabbed her coat and slung it over her arm.

"You too. Have fun with Demming, _detective_." Castle spoke with no ulterior motive or intent. But for some reason, this had Kate turning back around.

"I…." she opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Instead, a smile fell onto her face and she shook her head. "Thanks Castle." One more moment passed between the couple and Castle swore that she was trying to read into what he had said. Did he mean it? Did he wish her happiness? Or was he secretly hoping that her night with Demming would be a disaster? Castle nodded. "See you tomorrow?" she said with slight finality in her tone.

"Night," Castle replied. This had her doing another slight double take. Wasn't he the one who always insisted on saying, "Until tomorrow? Hadn't he complained that goodnight was too pessimistic…too final." She locked eyes with him, looking slightly concerned. She opened her mouth to speak, clearly distressed by the look in Castle's eyes and the finality in his tone. However, before she could read too much into it, Tom's voice was interrupting.

"You ready?" he asked softly as he appeared.

"Uh…" Kate's eyes darted to Tom and back to Castle. Castle purposely avoided her eyes. "Yeah. I'll be right down." Tom nodded.

"I'll meet you out front," Kate spoke quickly. Tom smiled, nodded, and then cleared his throat as he departed. Castle thought she might dismiss it, and leave.

"What's going on?" she asked finally as they were left alone.

"Nothing," Castle choked out, his hand tightening over the envelope held in his hand.

"No," Kate shook her head, "Something isn't right…"

"Just forget it, Kate," Castle spoke softly. "Go and relax tonight. You deserve it." She seemed torn with indecision as her eyes held his. Finally, she let out a sigh of exasperation, locked eyes with him one last time, and then with that she left the room. Castle was left reeling. Once again he wondered if she would miss him when he didn't show up tomorrow. He had all but taken the position at the academy, but even after convincing himself that she just didn't feel that way about him it still was hard to compartmentalize his feelings for her. Part of him knew that he was too big of a risk for her. A risk she wouldn't take. It was time to move on.

_Too much_  
_And we demolished too much_  
_And yeah we really fucked it up_  
_And yeah baby you've lost your touch_

Castle looked down at the envelope in his hand and stared. He seemed to lose all sense of time as his thoughts began to race through his head. He started as someone walked up behind him. It was Esposito.

"Hey, man," Esposito cocked an eyebrow, "Everything okay?"

"Uh…Not exactly," Castle replied, "I was hoping to talk with someone." Castle paused, "Actually, I was hoping to talk with Kate, but she seemed in a hurry."

"Of course," Esposito offered a friendly smile, "She can't bear to be alone from lover boy for over 10 minutes."

"So you've noticed too?" Castle asked, earning a shrug.

"Yeah. So…. What's up?" Esposito asked, knowing that Castle rarely looked as uncomfortable as he did standing there, holding the envelope tightly in his hands.

"Well, I think you should take a look at these," Castle spoke in a hushed whisper, handing him the envelope. "I think someone is trying to blackmail me."

"Really?" Esposito laughed, "Who? Someone who wants your autograph?" Castle suddenly found it hard to swallow. Of course no one was going to take him seriously, not when he actually needed someone to. He watched as he pulled out several pictures from the envelope, and looked at them with a look of surprise on his face.

"Whoa. Do you know who sent these?" Javier asked as he looked at him, now looking quite concerned.

"No. There's no return address. And I had forensics check for prints, and DNA but they couldn't find any DNA on the envelope or prints on the pictures inside." Castle said as he tried to seem calm. He slipped his hands into his pockets and balled them up into fists.

"Have you received any other packages, anything else out of the ordinary?"

"Not really," Castle said as he pulled his right hand out of his pocket and rubbed it over his exhausted features. "I mean I've been getting a lot of calls from an unknown number. They always hang up when I answer. But that's it really."

"When was it that you get these?" Esposito asked.

"Yesterday," Castle recalled, while looking at the floor. "Look, I know I've already asked Kate before, but I need to know… If something happens to me, you guys will take good care of Alexis, right?"

"Castle," Esposito said seriously, "Don't be ridiculous. Nothing is going to happen to you. It's probably just an overzealous fan. That's all."

"I know that," Castle's voice was pleading. "But I need you to promise me. I need to know."

"We've got your back man," Esposito promised. "You can count on it."

"Thanks," Castle smiled weakly. "Well, I guess I'm going to head home. I feel better about it now that I've told someone."

"Okay," Esposito nodded, "I promise I'll check into things more tomorrow morning, and we can work on figuring this out."

"Sounds like a deal," Castle nodded. "Night Esposito."

"Night!"

Castle felt paranoid as he walked into the main doors of the apartment building. He looked around, feeling a chill shoot up his spine as he did so. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a man he didn't recognize. Castle looked the other way quickly and walked up to the desk belonging to the receptionist.

"Evening Castle," Ernie, their concierge greeted.

"Evening," Castle returned. "You got a paper for me?"

"Sure do," he replied as he picked one up and handed it to him.

"Thanks," Castle said calmly.

"No problem," he shrugged. "Have a good night." He walked to the elevator slowly, inwardly resolving that he had to do something. When he arrived at his own door, he paused for a moment before he opened it.

Alexis was on the couch doing her homework while Martha was doing something on her computer, perhaps networking.

"Daddy!" Alexis seemed happy to see him as she stood up and rushed over to give him a hug. "You're late! What took you so long? Grams and I are starving."

"Sorry, Pumpkin," Castle replied, "I got held up working on a case."

"That's all right," Alexis smiled, "I was thinking that maybe tonight we could go out for pizza. We haven't done that in a while."

"We could do that," Castle tried to figure out what he wanted to say. "I was actually thinking that we could head upstate and take a long weekend."

"Tonight?" Alexis looked puzzled, "But it's only Wednesday."

"I know that. And I know how you hate to miss school, but I need to work on revising the unsatisfactory next book of the series and Black Pawn publishing is getting a bit impatient. I was thinking I might have better luck writing there because I can't seem to think straight right now."

"Is it because Kate is seeing that one guy?" Alexis asked, causing Castle to sigh. He had tried to keep it a secret from Alexis, but she knew him too well. He rarely pouted, and she had to find out why his spirits were so low. She missed his little quips about everything. She had surprised him by showing up at the precinct a few days ago, only to discover that Beckett was working with a new partner, and a cute one at that. She wished that she would be able to comfort him, but knew that he just needed some time.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" Castle pouted, sticking out his lower lip.

"I'll go pack," Alexis smiled good-naturedly, "But we're getting dinner before we skip town."

"Deal," he smiled. His heart was pounding in his chest as he watched her ascend the stairs. Castle looked over to his mother as she cleared her throat.

"So are you going to tell me what's really going on?" Martha asked calmly while looking at her son.

"It's nothing," Castle breathed.

"You forget that you're my son. I know you better than that," She chided, "I'm an actress, remember? I know all about putting on an act."

"Fine," Castle said as he walked slowly over to his mother. "Look," Castle grunted, "Someone's after me. I need you to take Alexis for me and keep her out of harm's way."

"You're joking, aren't you dear?"

"No." For the first time in his life, his mother looked unsettled. "I've already arranged for the car service to pick you up a few blocks from here. I think we're going to have to go out the back."

"You're not going to tell Alexis?" she asked, looking troubled.

"No," he sighed, "it is my intention to keep her out of this."

"Do you know who would want to cause you harm?"

"A lot of people. I've already helped the department put away a lot of criminals. You make a lot of enemies that way." Castle stopped talking as he heard Alexis reach the top of the stairs.

"Okay dad," Alexis yelled excitedly, coming down the stairs, "I'm ready."

"Do you need to pack anything?" Castle asked as he turned to his mother.

"No, I already have some things packed," she replied, "I was planning on staying at Chet's tonight, but I'll call him and let him know I can't make it tonight."

"Good," Castle smiled. "Alright, let's go. I'm getting hungry."

"Try starving," Alexis corrected.

"We'll get some breadsticks too," Castle teased. Alexis made a face. She was always the one keeping him in line. He tended to have unusual and rather unhealthy eating habits. "Salads?" Castle tried with a smile.

"Much better," Alexis smiled while lightly clapping him on the cheek. He let out a chuckle.

"Alright, let's go," Castle spoke rather impatiently, ushering his mother and daughter out of the apartment, fearing he was running out of time.

* * *

They had just finished their dinner and were waiting for the bill when Castle's phone rang.

"Hello?" Castle answered, "Rick Castle, how can I help you?"

Martha tried to distract Alexis with some talk about her schoolwork, but she felt sick to her stomach as she watched her son grow deathly pale.

"Yeah, okay," Castle, replied in a rigid tone. "Thanks. Bye." He hung up and set his phone on the table. "Well, I have some bad news," Castle spoke as if he were frustrated, "I don't think I can make it up tonight."

"Oh?" Alexis looked disappointed, "Well, that's okay, we can shoot for tomorrow instead." She paused. "Who was calling?"

"Esposito," Rick lied. He absolutely hated lying to Alexis and felt pain in his heart as he did so.

"Did a case come up?"

"Yeah," Castle sighed, "And it doesn't sound like it can wait."

"Actually," Martha cut in, "If you wouldn't mind, Alexis and I can head up tonight and you can meet us up there tomorrow."

"That sounds perfect," Castle smiled. He hoped that Alexis wouldn't pick up on the exchange, but knew that was unlikely as she was incredibly bright. Luckily, all she did was look between the two of them a couple of times, and defaulted to her father.

"Cool," Alexis smiled; though she felt a bit sick to her stomach as she realized something was happening. Her father was trying to conceal something from her.

"Here," Castle handed her some money, "Why don't you pay the bill? I'm going to call the car service and have them pick you up here. I'll be right back."

Twenty minutes later, he watched, as one of his most trusted friends took his mother and Alexis out of harms way. He felt incredibly alone as he slowly walked back towards his apartment, taking his sweet time. He tried to ring Kate, in order to try tell her what was going on just in case he was walking straight into a trap like he knew he very well could be. He wanted to tell her that he might need her help, but the rang immediately into her voicemail. He knew that someone would be waiting there for him. His heart began to pound furiously in his chest, causing his hands to begin to sweat. He felt a dull throbbing in his temple, the beginning of a headache no doubt.

Once more, he paused outside of his door before opening it. His hand grasped the handle and he squeezed it hard. He could feel the pulse in his fingers as it creaked open and stepped inside before shutting it behind him.

"What am I doing?" Castle asked himself, "I should be running…not doing this. This is crazy." But Castle couldn't help himself. He craved the adventure.

He looked up from the floor to meet the eyes of a dark shadow already standing inside. Rick locked the door.

"Good evening, Rick," the man greeted as if he were an old friend.

"How can I help you?" Castle asked calmly before swallowing over the dry lump in his throat. It really hurt to swallow.

"Oh," the man chuckled, "I think you already know what I want." It was then the Castle saw the man paging slowly through one of his older books.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

Castle watched as the man slowly placed the book down, on top of a nearby table and reached into his breast pocket. Slowly but surely the hand came back out of the coat, a colt 9mm pistol in his hand. Castle forced himself not to react as he heard an audible click, signaling that the man had just disengaged the safety and cocked the gun. In another blink he found the barrel aimed straight at his chest.

* * *

But we had a dream  
And it was meant to be  
And we were kissing gods  
Against all the odds

Kate was having the night of her life as she sat alongside Tom Demming in a local bar. They had already had a fantastic dinner and were really getting to know each other. She smiled as she caught him looking at her lips and knew that he desired to kiss her. Castle looked at her like that a lot nowadays.

"Would it be okay if I kiss you?" Tom asked as he leaned in slowly. She could feel his warm breath on her cheek.

"I don't see why not," Kate said as her tongue darted out to moisten her plush lips. Their lips were about to touch when Kate's phone started going off in her pocket. She had initially turned the phone off for fear that she would be interrupted as she was now. But at some point after dinner, her conscience had won out and she had put it on vibrate. With a childish embarrassment, Kate laughed off the situation and pulled her phone from her pocket.

"Beckett," she answered, her tone serious once more.

Tom watched her carefully, analyzing everything about her. Her beauty was intimidating sometimes, but the way she often carried herself was even more intimidating. She was a rare gem, something to behold, that was for sure.

"This is Esposito," he said quickly, "I think we have a problem."

"What is it?"

"Castle came to me tonight with concerns that he was being blackmailed," Esposito began.

"Whoa," Kate said suddenly, "What do you mean, blackmailed?"

"Someone sent him some rather disturbing pictures of the inside of his apartment. Anyhow, I decided to stop by his apartment tonight just to make sure everything was all right. But when I got here the door was already open," he paused a moment as he ran a hand over his lower jaw. Kate closed her eyes and clenched her jaw, preparing for what came next.

"Naturally," Esposito continued, "curiosity got the best of me and I stepped inside to see what was going on. Long story short…"

"Too late," Kate slipped in. Esposito's stories were never short. He tended to ramble.

"What I'm trying to say is… it doesn't look good," Esposito finished quickly.

"Wait a minute," Beckett was feeling panic now, causing her to slip up and call Esposito by his first name "Sito, what are you saying?"

"Someone completely ransacked Castle's apartment," he said slowly. "And by ransacked I mean that they tossed the place from top to bottom. Everything is pretty much destroyed." Kate choked on the air in her lungs, as she was catapulted into a state of complete and utter disbelief.

"What about Castle?" Kate asked quickly, her voice nearly breaking on the name.

"He's gone," Esposito revealed slowly, "At this point, Castle is missing. I've tried calling him several times and he's not picking up his phone. Judging by what we've seen, we uh…we think someone may have wanted him dead."

_Now it's a crying shame_  
_And it's a crying shame_  
_You don't know who to blame_  
_We'll never be the same_  
_And it's a crying shame_  
_And it's a crying shame_

"What?" Kate was numb as she shook her head back and forth in denial.

"There's a note," Esposito swallowed. "It's written in blood." Kate suddenly felt sick to her stomach. Blood. There was blood. It had to be bad.

"What does it say?" Kate asked softly.

"It's not finished, but it implies that they think he's a snitch," Esposito choked out. Tom watched as Kate's eyes went wide and she began to hyperventilate a little bit.

"No… That's crazy," Kate repeated over and over. "Who would have wanted…?" She cut herself off. "It can't be."

"I think you should come down here," he said calmly. Kate listened to him but ultimately found she was unable to reply.

_When comfort and warmth can't be found_  
_I still reach for you _  
_But I'm lost, crushed, cold and confused_  
_With no guiding light left inside_

"Kate?"

"Is Ryan with you?" Kate found herself asking as she heard someone whisper something to her fellow colleague.

"Yeah," he replied, "Kevin and Lanie are here."

"Lanie," Beckett hissed out the name. "What is Lanie doing there?"

"Like I said," Esposito said slowly, "I really think you should hurry over." She heard someone call his name with some urgency. "Sorry, I have to go now. You know where Castle's place is right?"

"Yeah," Kate choked out. "Yeah of course. I'll be right there." She hung up, tears threatening to seep from her eyes.

"Katie," Tom said softly as he reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "What's wrong?"

"I have to go," She said as she pulled away, trying to hold back her emotions. "Now."

"Hey," Tom was weary, "Please tell me. What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "tonight was…it was wonderful, but I can't… I have to go."

"Will you at least tell me what's wrong?" Tom begged as he grabbed her arm. She pulled it out of his grasp, causing him to feel unwanted.

"It's…Castle's apartment got broken into. They think that something happened to him. I…need to help them figure out what that is." Kate tried not to sob as she thought about how she had been pushing him away the last few weeks. She knew that she made him feel unwanted. If only Castle had felt like she cared enough to go to her for help, she might have been able to do something. But he had given up on her, and she could understand why.

"It's going to be okay," Tom spoke softly, "Hey Kate, look at me." He put his hand under her chin to make her look at him. "We're going to find him, okay? Everything is going to fine." Kate nodded. "Now let's go, I'll take you. You shouldn't drive right now."

"No." Kate choked out. "I'm sorry but I…I need to be by myself for a few minutes."

"Kate…"

"Please," she begged. He saw the pain in her eyes, the devastation, and suddenly he knew that Castle hadn't been quite honest with him, nor had Kate. There was something going on between them. Only, Kate hadn't seemed willing to admit how she felt. Tom's impression of Castle only improved as he thought about how much he must care for Kate. He had stepped aside just so Kate could be happy.

"Yeah. Okay." Tom nodded. "Call me if you need anything. Anything at all. You understand?"

"Yeah," she nodded.

* * *

**_Please Read and Review! Will try to update one more chapter tonight. It will be up tomorrow for sure!_**


	4. Shut Your Eyes

**Chapter 4: Shut Your Eyes**

* * *

**Title: Disaster Button**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.**

**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**

**Chapter 4: Shut Your Eyes/Disaster Button**

"You know, I wouldn't be asking if I knew what you wanted," Castle retorted as he let his hands drop to his sides.

"Perhaps you've forgotten," the man, said slowly, "You and I have a score to settle."

"Then how about you put that gun away and we talk like civilized men," Castle gritted out, still denying the man who still had a gun aimed at his chest.

"I don't think you quite understand the consequences of your actions, Mr. Castle," he said, without wavering, "If you think I'm just going to stand by and let an irresponsible man ruin everything I've worked for, then you're sorely mistaken." He spat out angrily. "There are some serious things you need to face up to."

"What did I do?" Castle asked dumbly.

"Just tell me where the money went, Castle," the man sneered. "We know it was you."

"The money...The money?" Castle repeated slowly, before deciding to take the sarcastic route. "You know, I think it went into this months rent, and food. Yeah...that's where it went."

"This is not some joke, Rick," Randal said bitterly, "Now tell me why ten million worth of my merchandise is in the hands of the United States government."

"Whatever happened to the Captain going down with his ship?" Castle quipped back. "I did the best I could do. They saw through it all and were there and tossing the place before I could do anything to stop it. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry?" he was angrier now; Castle was hitting a sore nerve.

Castle scoffed. "Don't play me for being naive. I know how it works! You want to act like you're the one that makes everything happen? Please! You just stand by and wait for everyone else to do the grunt work!" Castle felt a severe bitterness towards the man. "You get other people to do everything for you, and then profit off of the risks they take."

"I am the one that makes things happen!" he argued back. "You think your ex-wife would have gotten anywhere without me? You think that _you_ would have gotten anywhere? If it weren't for Black Pawn you'd have no life at all. You certainly wouldn't have this wonderful apartment, that's for sure. And what about Alexis? Hmm? Would she even have the possibility of going to college?"

"You keep Alexis out of this, you hear me?"

"We had a deal," the brown haired executive spat back, "You messed up. You cost me 10 million dollars."

"I know I did," Castle nodded, "But I told you already. It's gone. So if that's what you came here for, you're going to have to leave empty handed."

"You owe me!" Randal barked.

"I owe you nothing!" Castle growled, "Black Pawn had it coming all along. They were onto you. They knew about every deal that was taking place under the table. And I almost went down for it. I nearly lost my own life. I do not owe you anything!"

"Oh, don't play me for a fool! You screwed me over!" Randal yelled, "You got afraid and sold out, didn't you? And because of you I'm out a lot of money. I also have some very pissed off clients!" Castle took a slight step forward, but froze as he saw the man's finger tighten around the trigger.

"If you take so much as another step forwards," he threatened, "I'll put you down." He laughed, "Perhaps, I'll leave your friends at the 12th precinct a fresh body to find. Bet they'd have a lot of fun with that."

"You wouldn't get away with it," Castle said with resolve. "I didn't use Beckett as my inspiration for Nikki Heat for nothing. If you hurt me? If you wrong them? I promise you that there isn't a single place on this planet you could hide. Kate _always_ gets her man, and she takes pride in that."

"And yet her mother's murdered walks free," he taunted. "That negates that fact, don't you think?"

"Screw you," Castle spat. More bitter about that fact than anything else. "Hell will still rain down on you either way. You have no idea what you're up against."

"So what are you trying to say, Rick?" he inquired. "That I'm going to have to kill you?"

"You want the money?" Castle replied calmly. "Then yeah, you're going to have to kill me. And then you're going to have to go to the FBI to get it." Castle saw the anger bubble up out of the man in front of him, and felt the need to take an iron to the already gaping wound. "Did it ever occur to you," Castle said innocently, with a smug grin on his face, "That I was working for _them all along?_"

"You son of a bitch," Randal spat. "So what? You get to play cop and tag along with a detective for a year and suddenly think you're one of them?" A pause, "Well, I've got news for you. You are in way over your head."

"God, you think I don't know that?" Castle spoke aloud. "But I have no regrets." Castle paused. "I told you. They knew about everything from the beginning. They've been keeping tabs on you for years. They knew that you were using authors to front your company. And so they approached me to do some digging for them." His hands clenched into fists as he prepared to defend himself against a bullet traveling at the speed of sound. "What did you think I was going to do? Stand by and let it happen? No. I know where my allegiance lies. And it certainly doesn't lie with you."

"What really irks me is that you knew you were going to get caught, and you had the audacity to stick around," Randal said disgustedly. "You a real arrogant _prick_, you know that?"

"You obviously don't know me very well, if you thought I was going to cut and run," Castle said calmly. "I'm not a coward."

"I wonder what your precious _detective_ would have to say about this," Randal spoke, "Perhaps you would be more cooperative if it weren't just _your _life on the line."

"Don't you dare bring her into this," Castle shouted, "Whatever happened...this is between you and me." Castle swallowed over the dryness in his throat, hoping that the federal government would keep his family safe. Surely, it was the least they could do. "If you feel some need for revenge, then you take it out on me and me only. Shoot me fifty times if you have to, but I swear to god, if you lay one hand on my family or friends then you will have the fight of your life on your hands."

_And when the worrying starts to hurt_  
_and the world feels like graves of dirt_  
_Just close your eyes until_  
_you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will_

"Oh don't worry your pretty little head, Mr. Castle. I'm going to kill you," Randal spat, "I'm going to kill you and take pleasure in doing it and then I'm going to destroy every last piece of your life." Randal said calmly. "I'll take pleasure in taking back what you taken. You can start by emptying your wallet, and then telling me every single thing that you know."

"I know surprisingly little," Castle swallowed. "Unfortunately, when the FBI uses you as a puppet they don't always tell you why they want you to do something."

"You let them use you," Randall hissed, "You know that's funny coming from a man who just implied that he hates being used as a puppet."

"Well," Castle growled, "At least they did it with my knowledge and my permission."

"You know…" the man said slowly, "You could have handled the situation a lot differently, but here you are, standing in front of me. It seems like you knew this was coming."

"I did," Castle replied. "I'm not stupid. I knew it was only a matter of time."

"You can still fix this," Randall bit out. "Sign over the rights to Nikki Heat, as a gesture of good will and we can turn this whole situation around."

"Why would you want the rights to Nikki Heat?" Castle asked calmly, "It would be worthless to you."

"On the contrary," Randal spoke, "I have a feeling that it would make up for my losses quite nicely." A pause. "Do you value your life, Castle? Surely you must."

"What happened to killing me, Randal?" Castle said coldly. "Are you that much of a softy that you're already reconsidering."

"I might," Randall replied, "If you can find some way to get me back my money."

"I do value my life," Castle bit out, "But not enough to help a scumbag like you out of the hole you're in." Castle's jaw clenched at the thought that his stubbornness would finally get him killed. "There's no way in hell that I'm signing over the rights to you. I defaulted and opted out of my contract with Black Pawn two days ago," Castle revealed. "And it just so happens that another publishing company was eager to have me." Castle clenched his fists, realizing that the help he hoped might come, wasn't coming. He was out of options. "I guess you really are going to have to kill me."

"Very well then," he growled. "I implored you to see reason. I even offered you a nice way out this precarious situation. But somehow, you always have to do things the hard way."

"What can I say?" Castle breathed with a swelling pride, "That's just the sort of man I am." Castle had been waiting the past few minutes for any sort of distraction. To his luck, at the precise moment he charged, a car backfire sounded from the street below at loud enough decibels to startle the shooter. Castle took this moment to sprint and was over the couch before Randal could even react. One shot went off as their bodies connected in a powerful tackle that Castle threw his weight behind, and then a second went off as they hit the floor. For a moment, Castle thought the shots had missed, but then a sharp sting took over his lower right side. Castle ignored all his senses as he wrestled for control of the gun. He threw one punch then another and another. In one swift movement, Castle's fingers closed around his utility knife as he shook it from his sleeve, and in another, he brought it down on the man's chest. Randal screamed and fought harder, grabbing for Castle's throat. With startling accuracy, Randal's hand closed over Castle's windpipe. Castle found himself gasping for breath as the hand tightened. He moved the knife lower, thrusting the blade into flesh a second time. Randall struggled for a few moments, longer, depriving Castle of enough Oxygen to make Castle light-headed. Luckily, Randal didn't have much fight left in him. His movements stilled completely and Castle let out a groan as he rolled over onto the floor a few feet away. His chest was heaving up and down in a wild panicked manner as he struggled to fill his lungs with the oxygen he was so cruelly deprived.

"I'm okay," Castle, whispered to himself several times, closing his eyes for a moment, trying to come down from the adrenaline rush he had just endured. When he went to open them again, he felt an overwhelming fatigue take over, as if part of him was slipping away. The pain that had been dull only a moment ago was now ignited with a vile fury. It felt as if his side was on fire. Slowly, with trembling fingers he reached down to pull back his suit coat. With a groan he lifted his head up off of the floor, trying to get a look. What he saw a moment later, left his head spinning, causing him to drop his head back to the safety of the floor. His white dress shirt was soaked in a deep crimson red.

"Ahh!" Castle let out a scream as he let the pain get to him for the first time. He tried to apply pressure for a moment or two with his own hands, but ultimately, he pulled them away when he realized it only made the pain worse. "Oh god…oh god…" Castle slowly tried to roll over onto his left side, shifting himself into somewhat of a fetal position. "Get up, Castle," he coached himself, spying his phone lying nearly fifteen feet away. Part of him knew that he would never be able to reach it. He was doing all he could just to stay conscious. "Come on," he gritted through his teeth as he tried to roll over onto his stomach and push himself up. This only made things worse when his trembling arms weren't strong enough to accomplish this. Castle let out another mild scream of frustration as he finally managed to push himself up to his knees. He started to crawl, blood spilling out from the wound in his side with every beat of his heart. He felt victory as his hand closed tightly around the phone, slipping it into his pocket.

With a loud crash the door flew open, wood splintering as the lock was ripped from the door frame. For a second he thought it might be Kate, or Esposito, but those hopes quickly subsided.

In a scream of surprise, he felt himself lifted from the floor by his collar. He reacted, fighting to the best of his ability. He threw punches, kicks, and tried to use things in his apartment to his advantage. He cried out as he was thrown into a bookcase, and shelves dislodged, scattering books and other contents everywhere.

"Where is it?" the man fighting with him hissed as he pulled him up from the floor.

"Where is what?" Castle bit out as he continued to writhe, trying to escape the man's hold.

"The money," the man replied. "Where. Is. It?" Castle choked out a hostile response. He tried to scream out, hoping someone would hear him. But before he could something was thrust over his airways, causing him the fall into the blackness. He was only aware of a few more thoughts after this, before he remembered nothing at all.

* * *

_Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair_  
_And you'll feel dizzy, light, and free_  
_And falling gently on the cushion_  
_You can come and sing to me_

The next awareness he had of being alive was absolutely frantic. His eyes fluttered open, causing the world to spin around him. His stomach convulsed violently, bile rising from the back of his throat. As his body was thrown into the side of the van as they rounded a corner at top speed. The nausea was overwhelming, all consuming. And he let go, violently retching as a bucket was thrust in front of him. He let a groan escape his lips as blood and bile filled the bucket. He tried to orient himself as it was taken away. Where was he? Castle felt the motion of a sharp turn and he struggled not to vomit again. The vertigo was the worst he'd ever experienced. All he wanted was for it to be over. He struggled to keep his eyes open as the fatigue took over his senses a minute later. He knew he could fight all he wanted and he would still lose. Finally, with blink of his eyes he was thrown into blackness once more.

When he woke up, in a cold, dark, secluded place only a short while later, the pain came back too. His jaw was set against itself. It took all of his will, his inner strength not to scream again. He could feel the draft of autumn blowing through what seemed like paper-thin walls. He was in a large place, perhaps a storage space. It took Castle a moment or two to open his eyes and lift his head. What he saw then, made sense. He was in a warehouse, a storage space for hundreds and hundreds of crates full of books. Books that Black Pawn had published. Scattered around where he currently sat restrained, on a cold metal chair, were his own novels, all of the books he had ever written. What really got to him though, was what he saw next. Next to him were two large drums, and Castle knew exactly what was inside.

_Throw forward to later _  
_you look light on your feet_  
_When you whirled in the room_  
_I was nailed to my seat_

"Well...well...well. Look who's awake!" a chilling voice sounded from behind him.

"Come back later, I'm a little tired," Castle spat into the darkness.

"You know," he said just as coldly, "You're lucky to be alive. I must admit that I was a bit tempted to kill you right then and there. But…I'm going to give you one more chance."

"Don't waste your time," Castle said angrily, "You're not going to break me!"

"No?" he laughed maliciously, "Because…I think I can."

_I'm like a prisoner _  
_getting ready to talk_  
_I feel the blood in my hands_  
_and the threat in your walk_

"That's your own foolishness," Castle spoke in a low tone, "By all means…give it your best shot."

"What's with this confidence?" the man challenged, "You think that because you write about strong characters like Derek Storm for a living that you're one of them?"

"Yes. I know what it is to be strong," Castle choked out, "If that's what you're implying." Castle paused, "You know…when I first started writing I thought I knew everything. But after watching Kate, and seeing what those officers have to go through on a daily basis… that is true strength. People are resilient. They are forgiving. But more than anything else, they are strong. We're all fighters. And you better bet that I'm going to do all I can to fight you." Castle started as the sharp sound of clapping echoed out of the darkness, followed by another chilling voice. This voice he recognized with a shiver.

"My my my, Mr. Castle," the deep voice sounded, "That was quite a speech I must admit. But I'm afraid your words won't be enough to save you now." Castle shot a glare into the darkness, taking a jest at whoever was out there.

"So… was sending one person not enough?" Castle smiled, knowing he was giving them trouble, "You had to send two?"

_And suddenly_  
_it lifts the roof off the place_  
_It puts a vault in my step_  
_And a grin on my face_

"Shut up," the tone was harsh and cold. "Your attempted sarcasm won't get you anywhere, Mr. Castle."

"It's a shame," Castle replied in earnest, "I very much like humor and sarcasm. But you know that already, don't you?"

"You know… you should really learn to get a hold of your tongue, before I cut it from your mouth," he said in malice. "Would you like that Mr. Castle?" No reply.

"Very good," the man seemed pleased, "Looks like we're finally getting somewhere." Castle listened as his feet clapped against the floor as he drew closer. Unfortunately, he didn't move close enough for Castle to see him in the light.

"One of my colleagues is dead, Mr. Castle," he spoke again, "and I'm going to make you pay for that."

"I'm sorry about that," Castle said calmly. "I can honestly say that I never wanted to hurt anybody. But like I said, I'm prepared to fight for my life." Castle flinched as the man he feared emerged from the darkness. In a few steps he was in front of Castle, throwing Rick's head back with a pull of his hair. Castle swallowed as Daniel pressed the knife to his throat, applying enough pressure to cause for some blood to seep through.

_You can't contain me_  
_you'll need an army_  
_To get me back in my box_  
_Or snap the branches off me_

"Give me a reason to do it. One more word from you and I'll do it with no remorse," Daniel said maliciously. "And then maybe I'll pay a visit to your friends." Castle held his breath, trying to calm the pounding of his heart. "117 Sycamore Street. Apartment 12A. Ring any bells, Castle?" Castle tried desperately to hold his tongue. But he couldn't, that was Kate's new address. The man always knew exactly how to hit something home.

"Don't," Castle gritted through his teeth.

"No...? You don't want me to do that?" Daniel smiled, "Hmm...Perhaps, I'll just leave her a nice present to find. I'd bet she'd like to see you go up in smoke. I certainly know how happy I'll be to be rid of you. What do you think?"

"I think you're right," Castle muttered as Daniel released his grip on him, pulling the knife away from his throat. "I'd bet she'll be happy to be rid of me. But you keep her out of this."

"Oh I will," Daniel reassured him, "But you can't blame me if she comes looking for you herself."

"Fuck you," Castle spit out finally, knowing exactly what Daniel intended. The fact is, Daniel knew Kate would come looking for him. He wanted her to be there when the bomb went off. The bomb he was currently hooked up to that would inevitably kill Rick Castle.

_And when the worrying starts to hurt_  
_and the world feels like graves of dirt_  
_Just close your eyes until_  
_you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will_

"Why don't I give you a few more hours to mull things over? It sounds like you still need it." Daniel spoke before swinging a fist into his jaw. Castle grunted then spat out the blood that quickly filled his mouth, hoping to get it on the man's jacket. "And how about you stop mouthing off to me, huh?" Castle didn't make a sound, as the man walked away. Castle could hear their hushed words continue for another minute or two, and then he heard nothing but the wind blowing.

"Hello?" Castle spoke aloud, feeling suddenly alone. "Hello? Anyone there?" And still no response. Castle let out a sigh and closed his eyes, trying to figure out some way to get out of the situation he was in.

**_Please Read and Review!_**


	5. Better That We Break

**Title: Disaster Button**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.**

**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**

**Chapter 3: Better That We Break**

By the time Kate arrived at Castle's apartment the place was crawling with forensics and what seemed like half of the precinct. Captain Montgomery noticed her walk in right away and headed towards her. Kate found herself trying to take in everything at the same time, her eyes raking over the place that for a short time had been her home. Suddenly her eyes stopped.

_It's not right, not OK_  
_Say the words that you say_  
_Maybe we're better off this way?_  
_I'm not fine, I'm in pain_  
_It's harder everyday_  
_Maybe we're better off this way?_  
_It's better that we break…_

"No," she whispered as she spied the body of an unknown man on the floor, laying in a pool of blood. Crimson spatter prints littered the floor from where the body lay all the way to the doorway. Lanie looked up from what she was doing just in time to witness Kate's horrified expression. Within an instant Lanie was at her side, wrapping her arms around her friend.

"What happened?" Kate whispered into her friend's ear, trying once again to suppress her emotions.

"Katie," Lanie's voice was soft, gentle, and sympathetic?

"Don't…" Kate's body went rigid as she pulled away, wrapping her arms around her middle. "Please just tell me that it looks worse than it actually is."

"Well, I can't really do that." Lanie said with great anguish. "I could lie straight to your face, but we both know you'd know better. Look, we don't know if any of the blood is his. Not yet. We have to run the DNA first. From what we've found so far, it looks like there was a bit of a struggle."

"Of course there was a struggle," Kate snapped, "Lanie, there is a dead body on the floor."

"The question is, who won? I don't know about you, but I _don't_ see Castle's body lying around somewhere." Lanie pointed out, as Kate tried to desensitize her emotions. She needed to be strong. She couldn't let herself shut down. Not now. Not if she was going to find him alive.

"Does the body have any sort of identification?" Kate asked.

"No," Lanie shook her head, "And judging by the sort of things he's wearing, it looks as if he was meant to be a hit man. I'm reckoning that he bit off a little more than he could chew with our boy Castle here."

"What have you uncovered so far?" Kate asked.

"Well, we found some gunpowder residue on the man's right index finger, meaning that it was him who fired the gun. There is also some residue on the back of the couch, which allows us to place the John Doe right about about here when he fired it." Lanie stood Beckett on the spot. "It looks like whoever the shooter was aiming at, namely Castle, distracted him long enough to jump over the couch, toppling it over. We can tell that he was somewhat successful because there is a slug casing embedded in the ceiling. The problem is, we don't know if the shooter got off another round."

"Well, have you found another slug?" Lanie shook her head.

"What about the gun, any missing rounds? And what about the serial number and registration."

"I'm afraid that the gun isn't here," Lanie sighed. Kate looked away, feeling as if a gaping hole was left in the place of her stomach. "The slug is from a 9mm, though, so at least we know what we're looking for."

"So we have no way of knowing if Castle has been shot," Kate breathed, "other than the fact that blood spots on the floor that are inconsistent with the pool of blood around our John Doe."

"I would agree that it's cause for concern," Lanie swallowed, "But like I said...there's no way of knowing what happened until we get the DNA back from the lab."

"What killed him?" Kate asked as she inclined her head in the direction of the body.

"A knife," Lanie said softly, "it wasn't very long, must have been about 3 inches long. Judging from the shape and depth of the stab wounds, the knife is probably a utility knife." Lanie showed her the wound, located in the center of the man's chest. "Whoever did this must have been either really lucky or really smart. The wound, in this precise location, went through the walls of the pericardium and ripped open the heart muscle, causing massive bleeding into the chest cavity." She pointed to a second stab wound located a bit lower, "This was probably just for good measure, since the first stab wound was the cause of death. My guess is that they were probably still struggling and he needed to find another vulnerable spot to weaken the assailant."

"Do you have a time of death?" Kate asked.

"Only about 3 hours ago, I'd say the time of death was at around 9:30," Lanie replied. "He's still warm. He hasn't gone into rigor mortis yet." she indicated pointing to the John Doe.

"Three hours," Kate repeated, "then Castle can't be very far."

"Which brings me to our last bit of evidence," Lanie sighed, picking a cloth up from the floor, which had several spots of blood on it. Kate stared at it. "I've found traces of chloroform on it." Lanie looked at Kate without a trace of doubt. "I'd bet my paycheck that there were two of them. They wanted to take him alive, but he fought back. The second one was forced to sedate him and drag him out of here." Lanie explained. "The thing is...there's no blood trail."

"And why leave the corpse?" Kate asked, "Wouldn't they want to get rid of his body too?"

"My guess is, with the little hitch in their plan, that whoever it was ran out of time," Lanie speculated.

"Who in the hell would want to nab Castle?" Kate groaned running a hand over her weary features. "Who?"

_A fool to let you slip away_  
_I chase you just to hear you say_  
_You think that I might be insane_

"We don't know yet," Lanie replied, "But we will." She paused for a moment.

"Montgomery pulled surveillance footage from the lobby, but no one they've talked to noticed anything out of the ordinary." Lanie paused. "Kate, there was no sign of forced entry. Please don't get angry with me for suggesting this, but CSI thinks that Castle might have known someone would be waiting for him when he came home tonight."

"What?" Kate's voice cracked under the weight of those implications. "No." Kate shook her head over and over. "There's no way Castle would willingly walk into a situation like that." Quickly she flashed back, wishing she would have listened to her head and her heart. Something had been up with Castle tonight. He'd wanted her to do a double take, and now Kate was pissed at herself for shrugging it off. Using this anger, Kate rounded on Lanie, feeling the need to get it out. "How could you even suggest something like that?" Kate looked up, still feeling very distraught as Ryan came bounding down the stairs. Her eyes were quickly onto her boss, her mentor, Roy Montgomery. Ryan would tell her whatever he needed when Montgomery was done, she was sure.

"Well," Roy Montgomery decided to step in after hearing part of their exchange. "I'm afraid it looks like Lanie is right. I just finished talking to the receptionist. At 8:23p.m, he says that he placed a phone call to Castle regarding a visitor who showed up at the apartment, wanting to see Castle. The name the man gave is "Daniel Knight." He let him up shortly after. Surveillance shows Castle arriving back at around 9:07p.m. There is no surveillance footage of him thereafter."

"But why would Castle go back if he knew someone was waiting for him?" Kate found herself asking, her voice angry and frustrated.

"Just got off the phone with Martha," Ryan interrupted in a hushed voice as he drew near, "Turns out that Rick sent them upstate earlier this evening. Martha said he seemed to be looking over his shoulder the whole night. He wanted them as far away from New York City as possible, that's for sure."

"Shit," Kate's heart fell into her stomach and she hit herself on the forehead, "I completely forgot!" Kate choked on her own breath. "Are they okay? Oh god, Alexis. How are we supposed to explain?"

"They're both fine," Ryan replied before correcting himself. "I mean…they're both very upset, and shocked, but they're okay. I promised them we'd find him." Ryan looked Beckett in the eyes so that she could tell he was telling the truth. "I called the department and they're sending some blue coats to escort them back to the 12th. We'll keep them under our watchful eye. It's the least we can do." Kate looked away and wiped at a tear with the back of her hand. Ryan reached out and gently grabbed her trembling hand.

"Kate," Ryan whispered, "It's going to be okay. We'll figure out who did this."

"This is all of my fault."

"This isn't your fault."

"Yes it is," Kate spat out more harshly than she had intended. "He tried to talk to me. Said it was important," Kate was losing all control now, "He came to me for help and I wrote him off. I thought he was just trying to get attention. And now?"

"Hey," Ryan spoke softly, pulling her into his arms. "Shh. Kate, calm down. We're going to figure this out. We're going to find him. Okay?" She closed her eyes and collected herself for a moment before pulling away and clearing her throat.

_Saw you sitting all alone_  
_You're fragile and you're cold, but that's all right_  
_Life these days is getting rough_  
_They've knocked you down and beat you up_  
_But it's just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah_

What was wrong with her? Kate never let her emotions get the best of her. The only other time she had broken down like this was after her mother's murder. She missed Castle unbearably. Never had she thought she'd be so desperate for Castle's humorous quips.

"Ryan!" Esposito called from the stairs, "You'd better get up here! I think we found something." A moment later, all three of them were running for the stairs and following Esposito into Castle's office/library.

"What is it?" Kate asked as they rushed inside.

"This," Javier smiled as he slid the top off of a fake panel in Castle's desk and pressed a small switch. They all watched in amazement as a artistic picture on the wall, slid over to reveal the wooden panel beneath.

"Dude!" Ryan got excited, "That is so bad-ass!" Kate stepped forwards and ran her hand over the paneling.

"What's it hiding?" Kate asked herself allowed as she looked for a way to find what was hidden beneath.

"I'll bet it's a safe," Esposito speculated. Everyone went silent as Kate pushed the wood panel, with a crack it suddenly sprang to life and shot upwards.

"No way!" Esposito cried excitedly as a new room was opened up to them.

"That is too cool," Ryan said as he started to enter the newly discovered space. But Beckett threw out her arm to keep him from entering.

"We can't go in there. Not until forensics checks it over first."

"Aww…come on!" Esposito joked, "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Kate is right," Lanie agreed as she entered the room and looked at the pouting detectives. "There could be something of importance in there. You're going to have to wait, I'm afraid."

And wait they did. It seemed like it was excruciatingly long, but they were finally allowed entrance. Kate's nose wrinkled as the smell of dust wafted up to her when she entered. She fought back a sneeze and looked around. The room looked nearly untouched. It was very small, about the size of a prison cell.

* * *

"What would you hide in a secret room?" Esposito asked as they started searching the place from top to bottom. They had been searching for nearly an hour without luck, when finally; Ryan picked up on something suspicious.

"Why hide one of his old Derek Storm novels in here?" Ryan asked, tossing it aside. To Kate's luck, she happened to be looking when the cover fluttered in its freefall to the floor.

"Wait a minute," she breathed, her heart pounding as she walked over to pick it up.

"What?" Ryan shrugged.

"Didn't you see?" she asked picking it up, in her small-gloved fingers. "The covers don't match."

"What?" Esposito turned around from what he was doing, just in time to see her rip off the cover.

"This isn't one of Castle's old books," Kate laughed childishly. "This is a Nikki Heat novel. Look! You can tell from the title!"

"Heat Rising," Ryan read. "Wait a minute… I thought that his next novel was supposed to be called _Naked Heat_."

"You're right," Kate swallowed over the lump in her throat. "And there's no way he's written the third one already. He just finished working on the second!"

"What kind of message do you think is he trying to send us?" Ryan asked. "If it's not his new book, than what is it?" Kate began flipping through the book feverishly, examining the pages one by one.

"This is nuts!" Kate's tone was rather fanatical as she stared at the manuscript in her hands. "Everything about this is legit. This has to be the third book of the Nikki Heat series. But why would he hide it? And why act like he barely finished the second?"

"Maybe someone really wanted to get their hands on it," Esposito shrugged. Kate looked around, wondering what else they had missed. "Maybe someone was ready to kill him for it."

"No way," Kate cut him off. "I know where you're going with that. That's way too ridiculous for consideration," Kate argued.

"Why?" he defended. "He's a famous mystery writer and his books are pretty much flying off the shelves right now. I bet a fan like you would love to get your hands on it." Kate felt her cheeks burn red, as she suppressed her desire to throw the book at Esposito, for the personal jibe.

"It's too simple," Kate shook her head. "As a motive it's..." Kate let out a deep breath. "Okay guys, let's get serious, for a minute."

"Suit yourself," Esposito replied, starting to walk out of the room.

"Hold up," Ryan called out as he stood up, handing a small notebook. "Hey Kate," he said quietly. "Did you notice a chapter missing from the book you're holding?"

"What?" Kate's voice was both high pitched and short.

"The book you just paged through. Does it have all the chapters in it?"

"I'd have to look again." She replied. "I didn't notice anything unusual besides the fact that it's not supposed to _exist_."

But sure enough, paging through it a second time revealed a missing chapter only several chapters from the end. "How did you?"

"This…" Ryan smiled proudly, while waving the small journal "Must be our missing chapter." Kate eagerly took it from his hands and began paging through it. Esposito and Ryan watched her with interest. An avid fan as she was, she couldn't help but feel excited and somewhat elated as her eyes sped over the words on it's small pages. Suddenly she froze. Her hands went rigid, causing her to drop the notebook on the floor in front of her.

"Kate?" Esposito's worried tone echoed throughout the small space, but Kate seemed unable to hear him. "Katie? What is it?"

_It's not right, not OK_  
_Say the words that you say_  
_Maybe we're better off this way?_  
_I'm not fine, I'm in pain_  
_It's harder everyday_  
_Maybe we're better off this way?_

"Holy shit," Kate sank into a rickety old chair next to the door, her head falling into her hands. "He just killed off Jameson Rook."

"What?" Ryan and Esposito exchanged a look of surprise. "_His_ character?"

"Why would he kill himself off in the third novel?" Kate asked aloud. "Why?"

"I'm sure it's a mistake," Ryan said as he picked it up, his interest now piqued. But as he read along, he realized that she was right. Ryan trembled at the detail in which his death was carried out. It was downright morbid...sickening to think of something like that happening to his friend. "I mean he's contracted to write four, isn't he?"

"Hold on," Javier spoke as he snatched it from Ryan. "This isn't a coincidence. It can't be. Maybe the mystery of the find has nothing to do with the book at all. Maybe..." Esposito paused for dramatic effect. "Maybe Castle is trying to tell us something. Come on, he wouldn't kill off his character. Not Castle! He's too full of himself to do that. If anything he'd write in another sex scene." Kate quirked a brow at this statement, wanting to laugh at the truth in it. But she couldn't.

"Alright," Kate couldn't ignore the complete strangeness of this situation. Something definitely wasn't right. "Get me Castle's publisher...err...i mean his ex-wife on the phone. I think we need to have her come down to the precinct."

"What for?" Ryan asked out of curiosity.

"To see if she had any idea what her crazy ex-husband has been up to the past few weeks," Kate sighed, "I'm hoping she might be able to explain what's going on." Kate ran a hand furiously through her wavy brown hair, trying to calm herself. "I certainly don't know what to make of it."

_I'm not fine, I'm in pain_  
_It's harder everyday_  
_Maybe we're better off this way?_  
_It's better that we break, baby _

"I'm hoping that Castle might have confided in her in some way. I mean they used to be married for goodness sakes."

* * *

The drive back to the precinct seemed to take an eternity for Kate. It seemed as if she hit every red and yellow light imaginable. The last thing Kate wanted to have to do was to meet with Castle's second ex-wife and publisher, Gina Cowell, but Kate figured that there had to be some explanation for what they had found. The problem was, Kate couldn't think straight at all. Ever since she read how Jameson Rook was to die, she couldn't stop the thoughts from racing through her head. What if he knew? What if Castle knew in some sick twisted way that he was going to die? All she could keep asking herself was "Why? Why would Castle kill off his own character? The thing was, Kate knew him well enough to know that he wouldn't. Not unless he was trying to tell them something. Kate's heart was already pounding as she walked through the main doors of the precinct and proceeded to walk by all those who stared at her in pity.

* * *

When she opened the door to the interrogation room, she was surprised to find Gina already waiting there for her. She stood up, fidgeting with her hands before sticking one out towards Kate.

"I don't think we met," Kate tried to offer a friendly smile. "I'm Detective Kate Beckett." Gina shook her hand for a couple of moments, before settling back down in the chair.

"We may not have met," Gina offered, "But I've heard a lot about you. Castle thinks very highly of you."

"Thank you," Kate smiled, feeling sick to her stomach all over again. "I'm sorry to have to jump right in," Kate began as she settled down into a chair across the table, "But has anyone told you why you're here?"

"Not exactly," Gina replied with a nervous tone. "Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"No," Kate shook her head, hoping she was right about the woman sitting across from her, "Not at all."

"Then," Gina cleared her throat, taking a look around the white room, "What's going on?"

"I….uh….I just need to ask you a few questions," Kate felt herself starting to choke. "It'll only take a couple of minutes."

She looked up as Esposito walked in. "Can I get you something to drink? A coffee perhaps?" he offered.

"Not to be rude," Gina looked frightened now, "But can you please just tell me what is going on? You're really freaking me out, here."

"Gina," Kate's voice was surprisingly soft as she met the blonde's eyes, "Castle is missing…err…Rick is missing and we're hoping that you might be able to help us find him."

"What?" Gina's voice cracked and her facial expression changed from that of confusion and weariness to shock. "Are you sure? Rick…my Rick?" Kate felt jealousy creep in, but not long after Kate felt her own heart break as she watched every emotion the woman across the table had for Castle sweep across her face with reckless abandon. It seemed that Gina still cared a great deal for Castle, and wasn't good at hiding how she felt. Perhaps, Kate was not alone in her fondness.

"Someone broke into his apartment earlier tonight," Esposito began to explain, sitting down in a third chair. "It looks as if someone wished to do him harm. Look, we know that it's probably a long shot, but we're wondering if you noticed any strange behavior lately, or anything out of the ordinary. Anything that you can tell us will be immensely helpful."

"You want to know if he's been acting strangely?" Gina repeated, raking her memory for something useful. "Well, yeah," she sighed, raking a hand through her long hair, "I guess you could say that."

"What about his behavior has been strange?" Kate found herself asking, her hand ready to jot down any notes.

"Well, I'm his publisher," Gina breathed, "and his publicist. I'm responsible for managing his career. I can't tell you how many favors I've pulled for him. But get this… a week ago in the middle of the night I get a call from him. I pretty sure that he had been drinking, but I'm not sure." Another pause. "You want to know what he told me?" Both Kate and Esposito found themselves nodding, eagerly awaiting her next words. "He wanted out. Plain and simple. He wanted to be done with the publisher and the series." Kate felt her heartbeat stagger in her chest as she heard this.

"I think that it might have been because I pressured him to quit the precinct the week before," Gina confessed, preparing herself for the glares that came after. Kate felt angry. What right did Castle's ex-wife have to ask him to abandon them? Wait...was abandon the right word? Kate let out a sigh as she tried to keep herself from speaking out. She allowed Gina to continue.

"Of course," Gina spoke rather strongly, "You know Rick's reaction to that advice. I'm pretty sure he told me to go to hell." Gina laughed. "But I had to try, you know? His writing has practically flatlined. He can't write, and what he writes...anyone could replicate. He has officially lost his touch." Gina's voice became quiet. "I hope you understand," Gina said, looking at Kate, "I'm in danger of losing my job, here."

"I understand that he's causing you problems," Kate replied calmly, "But don't you think it's Castle's choice? Don't you think that he should be able to decide what he wants to do with his life?" Kate decided for a bit of honestly. "Perhaps, you are not fully aware of how helpful Castle has been to us. Not that I should admit this, but there are a lot of murders off the street because of him. He's broken a lot of cases wide open."

"I'm aware of that," Gina smiled, "I'm actually quite proud of him. It's just unfortunate that it comes at my expense." Kate watched as Gina closed her eyes.

"Anyways...Back to that phone call," Gina continued, "I didn't really get to the good part."

"What is it?" Kate asked.

"Well," Gina breathed, "He kept talking about how he had gotten in over his head and how he needed to get away." Kate swallowed over what seemed to be sand paper in her throat. "At first I thought he was just talking about the writing. But the more I think about it. The more I think he might have been alluding to something more."

"What did you say to him then?" Esposito asked, taking over the friendly interrogation.

"Well," Gina sighed, "I told him what every publisher has to. I told him that he couldn't. He's been contracted to write four novels." She paused again. "The thing is, Rick is a smart man. I can damn well tell you that he already knew that."

"So why go through the hassle of calling you just to hear something he already knew?" Esposito asked.

"That's a good question," Gina replied. "I mean…Even after hearing what I had to say, he still persisted. Which is strange. He said that he would get his financials in order to make sure that he could take a penalty and exit the contract prematurely. He said that he had another job lined up."

"So this other job?" Kate prodded, "What was it exactly?"

"I don't know," Gina sighed, "He wouldn't say."

"None of this makes a whole lot of sense," Kate asked. "I mean...it sounds like someone was really trying their best to scare him out."

"Maybe," Gina entertained the thought, "But you know Castle. He can be a stubborn 'you know what'. They would have to be pretty damned good at spooking him to even get him to consider something like that. If that's not what he wanted. My guess is that Castle had already made up his mind to jump ship."

"Can you think of anyone," Kate spoke in a weary tone, "Perhaps higher up than yourself, who would want Castle out?"

"No," Gina sighed, "Everyone who works with Castle is and was thrilled to have him. He brings a lot of money in for Black Pawn publishing. He definitely has created one of the most profitable book series that the publisher has the rights to. I mean the movie rights for Nikki Heat alone got us millions."

"It just doesn't make sense," Kate whispered, "Why on earth would he have wanted to stop writing?"

"Frankly," Gina replied cheekily, "I would call it a mid-life crisis." Gina paused and looked around. Then with a whisper she turned towards Kate, "He said that he had a chance to take the job he's always wanted to. At first I thought he was just trying to out himself as a free agent. Because I got a call two days ago. They were trying to cut a deal for this new televsion show they want him to write for." Another pause. "But the notion is ridiculous," she continued, "There's no way that Castle would really want to take that job."

"How do you know that?" Kate found herself asking.

"Forgive me for what I'm about to say detective," Gina said forwardly, "But I know that he would decline because you're here. Castle would be ripping out his own heart to leave you. Everyone knows that…except for well…maybe _you_." For a long moment, Kate looked flustered, trying to cope with what she had just heard.

"Were you aware that Castle completed the third Nikki Heat novel?" Kate asked softly.

"Third? As in three?" Gina tried to laugh off the absurdity. "With all due respect, detective, Castle _just_ finished the second. And that was only because I threatened to take back the advance I forwarded him." Gina scoffed. "You wouldn't believe the state of the manuscript I _did_ get. It was a mess. I told him to fix it up, and send it back to me tomorrow. I never expected something _like_ _this_ would happen."

"Javier?" Kate looked to her friend. He cocked an eyebrow.

"Be right back," he announced as he left. Only a moment or two went by before he walked back into the room with Castle's _Heat Rising_ manuscript under his arm. He dropped it onto the table in front of Gina, looking rather proud of himself. Kate and Esposito shared a look with one another as Gina examined the manuscript. It was weird, Kate thought, how Gina treated the paper with such gentleness, as if it were something precious. It wasn't until that moment that she realized Gina was a fan of Castle's work as well.

"This is…." Gina couldn't find the right words.

"A bit surprising, I know," Kate nodded. "What I want to ask you is…why on earth would Castle kill _Rook_ at the end of the third novel?" Gina shook her head back and forth.

"I….I'm sorry," she choked out, "But I don't know. The fact is, the Richard Castle I know, wouldn't... I'm sorry but _this_ _is_ _wrong_. It seems so wrong."

Kate felt impatient, "I was really kind of hoping that you could tell me."

"The answer is," Gina expelled another deep breath, "You know just as much as I do. It doesn't fit. Castle wouldn't."

"The book series is wildly popular. They're making it into a movie." Kate stood up and began pacing the length of the small room. "You want to know what my theory is?" Kate asked, wondering if Castle's intelligent would back up her rather ridiculous notion.

"Sure," Gina agreed. "Why not?"

"Maybe he was trying to find a way to end the series prematurely," Kate spoke as she paced back and forth. "Maybe he wanted to do something the publisher's couldn't fix." A pause. "I'd expect that he not only told you that he didn't want to extend the contract, but that he was done."

"It wasn't like that," Gina argued, "We talked about it weeks ago. He told me that he didn't want to extend the contract and I told him that it was fine. It wasn't like he didn't have time to think about it."

"Did you tell anyone you work with about this?" Kate asked.

"Of course I did," Gina replied. "What else was I supposed to do? They wanted to know. They were disappointed, but the publisher has plenty of other projects going on."

"But what if they were more than disappointed?" Kate asked, "Maybe someone who heard Castle wasn't interested in renewing the contract was angry. I'll bet that a lot of people weren't thrilled about the idea that there wasn't going to be as much money coming in after next year. Not as much as you would have if Castle was still working with you anyways."

"So what, detective?" Gina asked indignantly, "You think one of my superiors is holding a gun to his head?" Gina was defensive. "That's not the way Black Pawn does business."

"I don't know!" Kate shouted, "But someone obviously has some bitterness towards Castle and I'm trying to figure out why. It's what I do!"

"I'm sorry," Gina apologized quickly, "It's just…I don't know what to tell you. I can hardly believe any of this is even happening."

"It's okay," Kate soothed. "I'm sorry to have to drill you like this, but it's just… We need to know."

"I understand," Gina smiled weakly.

"Ms. Cowell," Kate began, weaving her fingers together on the tabletop, "Do you know if Rick knew of a Mr. Daniel Knight?"

"No," Gina shook her head, starting to become frustrated with herself. "I can't recall anyone by that name."

"Okay," Kate sighed, feeling defeated all over again. "Well, I guess that's it for now. Thanks for coming down." It was already early morning and they still hadn't found anything significant. Castle was out there somewhere, and the reality that he might be in real danger, or already dead was just too overwhelming.

"I'm just sorry that I couldn't be more helpful," Gina apologized as she stood up. Kate felt Gina's pain as tears began to seep from her eyes. "Please find him, detective."

"We will," Kate put on a reassuring smile. "Castle will be back and harassing you for more book deals before you know it." Gina laughed slightly at this.

"Feel free to call me if I can be of any more assistance," Gina requested, handing her a card. Kate nodded and smiled as Esposito led her back to the parking garage. Kate turned around quickly, feeling a presence behind her.

* * *

"How did it go?" Montgomery asked even though she knew he had been standing behind the glass in the other room watching the exchange.

"Nothing but dead ends," Kate graoned. "I hate this… We're running out of time and I've got nothing."

"Patience," Roy whispered softly. "Believe me, Kate. I know how hard it is to be patient when you're working on a case of such gravity to you. But a lot of times, you have to slow down to see the finer details. It takes time and reflection. We'll get there. But for now?" he paused taking a moment to take in her appearance, "You need to go home and get some sleep."

"I'm not going home," Kate argued.

"Oh yes you are," he retorted. And before she could object, he added, "And that's an order." For a moment, Kate looked helpless.

"Kate," Montgomery spoke, waving his hand in front of her face. "Did you hear me?"

"Yes sir," Kate stuttered, "let me grab my coat and I'll get out of your hair."

"Good girl," he spoke patting her on the shoulder. Kate faked a smile and walked over to her desk to get her coat.

"I'm heading out," Kate grumbled to Esposito, who was sitting nearby.

"All right," Esposito nodded, "You going to be okay?"

"Yeah," Kate replied, "I'll be fine." Kate began to walk away and was surprised when Esposito cut off her exit.

"You know what?" Esposito said finally. "How about I take you home."

"I appreciate the concern," Kate said defensively, "But I can drive myself home."

"I thought that you might want to do a bit of reading on the way," Esposito whispered. Her heart began pounding as he felt him slip her an envelope.

"No reason that you can't take some work home with you, is there?" he whispered waiting for what was in the envelope to register in her mind. If anyone was good at concealing something conspicuous, it was a cop.

"Course not," Kate smiled, grateful for the gesture. "Thanks Esposito."

"Got your back any time you need it," he offered, "Now let's go." Kate nodded before slipping onto the elevator and taking it down to main floor. They walked to her car. Kate took out her pocket knife. Her heart was pounding as she pulled out her switchblade and sliced it open. She smiled a little at what was inside. Esposito had slipped her some evidence, or rather, "the evidence." Castle's third book was inside, along with its missing chapter, and Castle's financial records. Kate began to feel the anticipation almost immediately and jumped into the passenger seat. Esposito slipped into the driver's seat, turning over the ignition as Kate began reading aloud. From what she read, it was actually pretty good.

_**Please Read and Review!**_


	6. This Woman's Work

**Title: Disaster Button**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.**

**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**

**Chapter 6: This Woman's Work**

_Pray God You Can Cope_  
_I'll Stand Outside_  
_This Woman's Work_  
_This Woman's Worth_  
_Ooh, It's Hard On A Man_  
_Now His Part Is Over_  
_Now Starts The Craft... Of The Father_

"Is it any good?" Esposito asked as he drove, his eyes straying from the road and falling on his friend, Kate. She was reading more of Castle's novel, analyzing every word. There had to be something in it that would explain. Kate scoffed, letting Esposito's question sink in.

"You've read his books," Kate smiled, "And you should know by now. They're always good."

"Yeah," he nodded, "But is there anything in _Heat Rising_ that will help us?"

"Not so far," Kate sighed, "It's seems to be just another novel." Esposito watched the gears turn underneath her hard exterior. "The theme seems to be about stepping into something you know is wrong and standing up against it," Kate spoke softly. "Apparently, Rook uncovered something important. He's killed because he went to Kate, and sold this person out."

"Well," Esposito cleared his throat. "Did he ever go to you about anything? Hinting that he'd uncovered some sort of illegal practice?"

"No," Kate shook her head.

"Then I suppose that can't be it," Esposito sighed. Kate turned the page, looking over at Esposito with a confused look on her face.

"What is it?" Esposito asked as she flicked on the dome lights in the car. Kate pulled out the tiny piece of paper. With care she unfolded it, staring at it under the light in the car.

"It's a check," Kate swallowed, "A big check. A very big check."

"It looks small to me," Esposito joked.

"Not the size, stupid," Kate joked back, "The amount. Look!" Esposito took one glance at the small paper and nearly swerved off the road when he saw the amount."

"You've got to be kidding me," Esposito groaned. "Does he typically make that much?"

"I'd hope not, although I can see why his ego would be the way it was, if he did," Kate chuckled. "Wait a minute…" she did another double take. "What the hell?"

"What is it?" Esposito asked, this time without taking his eyes off of the road.

"The date on the check is from over a week ago," Kate explained. "I don't know about you, but if I had a check for this much, the last thing I would do is walk around with it in my pocket for a week. This baby would be going in the bank...like in a second."

"So why would he hold onto it then? Why not deposit it?" he asked, knowing that asking questions often helped them to think things through.

"The better question is," Kate sighed, "Why on earth would James Patterson be giving Castle a check for this much?"

"Patterson?" Esposito said, looking away from the road once more to look at the name. "As in mystery writer, James Patterson? No way!"

"So why?" Kate asked again, waving the check. "Hold on," she waved off Esposito's reply. Were there any large deposits in his financial records?"

"No. Nothing unusual at all," Esposito answered. But then his expression seemed to light up. "That's why he wouldn't deposit the check. Maybe he _didn't_ want anything to show up in the records. Maybe he didn't want anyone to know about what that check is for." Kate nodded along and encouraged his theory. It was a sound one. "I mean…the check was hidden in the book right, which just so happened to be tucked away in a room no one but Castle would have known about. He obviously didn't want someone to know about it, or what it's for."

"But why not tell us?"

"Could be from doing something illegal," Esposito shrugged.

"He wouldn't," Kate defended. "Sito, you know he wouldn't."

"Look, you're upset, I get that," Esposito noted as Kate's eyes started watering. "But who is to say what Castle would or wouldn't do. He obviously got himself involved in something he shouldn't have."

"So, he kept something from us that he shouldn't have," Kate said with a broken voice, "And now something has happened to him." Kate closed her eyes for a moment before wiping them with the back of her sleeve. "You know…I can't believe I'm about to say this. But I think we need to pay Patterson a visit. He's obviously going to know what the check is for."

"He might not even know that Castle is missing," Esposito said quietly.

_I Know You've Got A Litte Life In You Yet_  
_I Know You've Got A Lot Of Strength Left_  
_I Know You've Got A Little Life In You Yet_  
_I Know You've Got A Lot Of Strength Left_

* * *

Less than a half an hour later, they were at Jame's apartment, knocking on his door.

"Mr. Patterson, this is the NYPD," Kate yelled through the door, "We need to ask you a few questions." The door flew open as Patterson appeared. He stepped back, gesturing for Beckett and Esposito to go inside.

"I'm Detective Kate Beckett, this is Detective Javier Esposito," she introduced themselves. "We need to ask you a few questions."

"Am I in trouble?" he found himself asking as he spied the NYPD badge, confirming their credentials.

"Depends," Kate spoke in an even tone, "On what you can tell us."

"What do you need to know?" Patterson said in a nervous tone as he shut the door behind them and locked it. "Please, sit down." Kate and Esposito followed the author into his living room and made sat down on the small love seat across from Patterson.

"Well," Kate grumbled, "You can start by telling us what this check to Rick Castle is for."

"What check?" Patterson swallowed nervously.

"This one," Esposito replied as he leant forwards to hand it over to him.

"I'm sorry but I can't really say what it's for, Rick made it clear that he did not wish for me to mention it to anyone," Patterson replied.

"Mr. Patterson," Kate replied, "Let me be clear. You don't have a choice in the matter. We're conducting an investigation and I need you to answer the question. Otherwise, we're going to have to take you downtown."

"Okay," Patterson sighed, looking at the floor. "Look, Rick told me that he transferred all of his money to a government protected account. He wouldn't tell me why, but I knew that he was spooked about something."

"What was he afraid of?" Kate asked, not afraid to be forward.

"I don't know," Jimmy replied, "He wouldn't say. All I know is that after he transferred the money, he kept one of his accounts open for emergencies. Then, a little over a week ago he closed out the account. You see, his plan all along was to close out his account and give it to me in cash. He wanted me to deposit that money into one of my accounts and write him a check for the same amount that he could cash in case of emergency. In case he needed to get away." Kate opened her mouth but closed it again, upon realizing that James wasn't finished. "Of course, he didn't want anyone to find out about it. Because if someone knew he had given me the cash, then I would be a target too. But he needed someone he could trust to do it. I didn't want to do it, but I could tell he was desperate and Rick is a good friend."

"But then why wouldn't that show up on his financial records," Kate grumbled. "If you close out an account with $170,000.00 in it then it should show up. There wasn't a discrepancy. Hell there isn't so much as a blip on any of his financials."

"I expect that was covered up also," James smiled. "Not that I'm into government conspiracies, but that sounds like something they'd be able to do."

"Castle doesn't work for the government," Kate laughed, "the man is a mystery writer."

"You have to hand it to him though. The man is quite brilliant." Patterson smiled, "Even if he still only puts out one book a year."

"So...back to the check. Why hide it in a book where Alexis or Martha couldn't touch it?" Kate inquired, her face impassive.

"Because he wouldn't want them to cash it unless they absolutely needed to," Patterson replied. "I'd bet that he actually intended for it to fall into your hands. I know that he trusts you more than anyone else. He probably thought that if something happened to him that you would make sure it got put into their hands." Patterson paused, "His actions speak for themselves. If I'm correct, he made a deal with my publishing company to finish the Nikki Heat series through them. Apparently he no longer wanted to be part of Black Pawn Publishing."

"Why?" Esposito asked, "Why change publishers in the middle of a book series. It sounds like he didn't trust the publishing company," Esposito repeated.

"I didn't say that," James interrupted. "I just know that he didn't want them to end up with the rights to the series if something happened."

"Well, that has to say something," Kate grumbled.

"I'll be honest, detective," James smiled, "The process of writing up the contract, and signing with a publisher is not the least bit pleasant. Many authors tolerate it because we want to get published. We want our works to be out there. And so we deal with it."

"Isn't there a way to protect yourself from exploit?" Esposito spoke, standing up.

"Yeah," James joked, "It's called being smart."

"So when was it exactly that Castle asked for your help?" Kate asked, jotting something down in her notebook.

"Just over a week ago," Patterson answered. "The date should be on the check. He cashed out his account the morning after we talked, and I deposited the money on the same day."

"And have you been in contact with him since?" she asked as a follow up question.

"Yes," he nodded. "He sent me his third book, told me to keep it safe. He wanted me to publish it as soon as possible."

"Can I see the manuscript?" Kate requested.

"Uh…sure," Patterson grunted as he stood up and walked over to his desk, picking up a large bound manuscript. "I've read it through. It's actually pretty good. Of course, I need to omit Jameson's death at the end. In the letter Castle sent me, he requested that I change it."

"So you don't think that Rick intended to really kill off Rook?" Kate asked.

"It's not in my ability to say either way," James replied honestly. "I actually have a copy of the letter he attached to the manuscript. If you can wait just one moment I'll go grab it for you."

"That would be great," Kate smiled, grateful for Patterson's cooperation. Her eyes followed him out of the room and she began to fidget as she waited for his return. He emerged a minute or two later with a piece of paper. The moment he handed it to Kate, she could feel her stomach begin to churn nervously. The moment her eyes raked over the neat legible script she knew it was Castle's handwriting.

He had written her little notes at her desk before. She had always rolled her eyes, thinking it was childish. But now, she cherished the small pile of post its in her desk drawer with sweet comments on them.

"Wait a minute," Kate swallowed as she came across a rather stunning sentence. "Is this for real?"

"I tried to contact him in order to ask him about his intentions, but I couldn't get a reply." Kate gingerly took the manuscript from Patterson's hands, and quickly flipped through to the end. There were some minor changes, but overall, it was the same story.

"Do you mind me asking what this is all about?" Patterson breathed quietly, "Has something happened to Rick?"

"You could say that," Esposito replied, "Someone broke into his apartment. He's missing."

"Rick?" Patterson choked on the name, "No…no way."

"Do you have an idea of what might have happened to him?" Kate asked, while looking up to meet Patterson's eyes. "_Any idea at all?"_

"No," James choked out helplessly. "All I know is what you know. Except for that letter. If I can be honest, I don't think that he wished for you to see it. He made it clear that he wanted it to be a surprise."

"So you think that he really intended to follow through on this letter?" Kate asked again.

"Well, he was in contact with one of your guys wasn't he?" Patterson asked, "I mean… there are certain channels that you have to go through. I think it would be easier for you to find the answer to that question than I would." Patterson paused. "Look, I'd say you guys have a sound theory. If it were me, I'd look there first."

"Pardon me, but we need to go," Esposito interrupted as politely as possible.

"Do me a favor," Kate said to Patterson, "Get this to your publisher's tomorrow morning, and try and get it printed as quickly as you can."

"I will." He nodded. "Good luck, detective. Please let me know when you find him. Rick's a very close friend."

"We will," she nodded, praying for numbness in her heart in hopes that it would ease the pain she was feeling.

* * *

When they climbed in the car, Kate felt herself begin to shake. Her hands were still gripping the letter and check in her hand in a death grip. Esposito moved to start the car, but didn't turn over the ignition.

Two words echoed through the car, filling Kate's already quaking body with sobs. "You okay?"

_I Should Be Crying But I Just Can't Let It Show,_  
_I Should Hoping But I Can't Thinking,_  
_All The Things We Should've Said That I Never Said,_  
_All The Things We Should Have Done That We Never Did,_  
_All The Things We Should've Given But I Didn't,_  
_Oh Darling Make It Go,_  
_Make It Go Away..._

"Just…give me a minute," Kate breathed, closing her eyes. Kate took a minute where she battled with her own emotions. However, this was one of the rare times she lost the battle. "No. No, I'm not okay." She looked away in embarrassment just as a pair of arms wrapped around her and pulled her over the center console towards Esposito's chest. She laid her head on Esposito's shoulder. "You have to read this." She handed him the letter slowly. He looked at her beautiful tear streaked features, wiping them away with his thumb.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay," Javier took it and read it through slowly, an understanding building in his chest all the while. "It makes sense," he commented when he finished.

"What?" Kate sounded indignant. He gestured for her to continue with her thoughts. And so she did. "Why wouldn't he have told us that he wanted to go through the academy? That he wanted to become one of us?" Kate's voice was broken. "I never would have thought that he actually liked doing this sort of stuff for a living. It was just supposed to be a ride along. Not this…"

"Why not?" Esposito found himself asking. "He's good at it, Kate. You know he is. Hell, I already see that man as one of us. I trust that man with my life. And I've sworn for a long time, that you do too."

"Of course I trust Castle with my life," Kate replied. "He risked his life for me on several occasions…" Another pause. "But this is different. Why not tell us?" Kate said angrily.

"You don't get it do you?" Javier shook is head. "He wanted to surprise you! You think he's doing this for himself? Well, maybe he is for the most part, but I know that he's doing it for you. It's not that hard to think about, Katie. Maybe he's hoping that doing this will finally get you to notice how he really feels about you." Esposito was finally letting out his frustration. Kate looked confused. Prompting him to ask another question.

"Let me ask you this. Do you honestly think that he's been following you around for the last two years, just for the heck of it? Come on, he's seen enough to write 50 books by now. Damnit, Katie! He's in love with you. Anyone who has seen the way he looks at you knows. Even Lanie! He wasn't going to stick around just to watch you be with some other guy."

_Give Me These Moments,_  
_Give Them Back To Me,_  
_Give Me A Little Kiss,_  
_Give Me Your..._

"Oh god," Kate breathed as it finally hit her. "How could I have been so…"

"Blind?" Javier added.

"Is it just me? Am I the only one who didn't know?"

"Without putting it harshly? Yes. I think everyone at the twelfth knew. Even Demming knew. I know for a fact that he asked Castle if there was anything going on between you two before he started anything because he sensed there was something going on between you and Castle, but Rick told him he had no claim to you. It broke Castle's heart I'm sure."

"I…I can't…" Kate wasn't sure what to say. "I'm an awful person, aren't I?"

"What?" Esposito was surprised at Kate's self-depreciation. "No! Katie, I wasn't saying it to hurt you. But someone had to tell you. Someone had to make you see it. I'm just sorry that it had to be this way." Tears began to fall down Kate's cheeks as she looked at him.

"We have to find him," Kate said as she clung to him for comfort, "We just have to find him."

_I Should Be Crying But I Just Can't Let It Show Baby,_  
_I Should Hoping But I Can't Thinking,_  
_Of All The Things We Should've Said That We Never Said,_

"We will. But right now we have to go talk to the chief, and get in contact with whoever Castle was talking to." Esposito spoke. "This just keeps getting more interesting by the hour. I'm starting to wonder what we're really up against."

"I guess it's a good thing that we can handle pretty much anything, then isn't it?" Kate joked.

"Yeah. Yeah it is."

_All The Things We Should Have Done That We Never Did,_  
_All The Things That You Wanted From Me,_  
_All The Things That You Needed From Me,_  
_All The Things We Should Have Given But I Didn't,_  
_Oh Darling Make It Go Away Now,_  
_Just Make It Go Away.._

* * *

"So," a voice woke Castle up from his peaceful slumber, though it wasn't as peaceful when the dreams started. He was in a nightmare, with no way out. "You reach a decision, Mr. Castle?"

"You know I'm having trouble thinking straight right now," Castle spat out, "Why don't you come back in say…10 years?"

"We don't have that sort of time, Mr. Castle," the man replied as he stepped into the light, his gray eyes, boring into Castle with hatred. "So why don't you make up your mind now. Inquiring minds want to know if they can count on you to make things right."

"I told you already," Castle replied. "I'm done. I'm not signing over the rights to the series, and I can't touch any of my money. The accounts aren't under my name."

"Does Daniel know about this?" Clay asked, his voice full of venom.

"Yeah," Castle nodded, "Why? You guys not on the same page?"

"Oh, no worries, Castle, we're on the same page," Clay laughed cynically.

Clay smiled. "He told me to take care of the situation. And that's what I'm going to do." Castle closed his eyes.

"You're crazy," Castle whispered, "Are you really that afraid?"

"I don't get scared, Castle," Clay retorted.

"Yes you do," Castle said calmly. "You're afraid you're going to lose everything. I'll tell you about what I've learned in the past year and a half, Clay. It's always the ones at the top that have the most to lose. And a lot of the time they'll do what it takes to keep it. Even kill." Castle paused. "I knew there was something wrong with Black Pawn publishing the moment I stepped into it," Castle said with a wicked glint in his eyes. "Ask me how long i've been feeding your financial records to the feds?"

"How in the hell did you get our financial records?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Castle retorted, while winking. Castle knew he had pissed Clay off, as the man walked close and struck him over the head with the butt of his gun.

"Now you listen to me, you _son of a bitch_," Clay spit into his face. "You have no idea what you've stepped into. You betrayed us, and my patience with you is at its very end. Don't think I won't pull this trigger."

"It's too late," Castle whispered, "They already have enough to put you all of you away for the rest of your life for drug and weapons trafficking and fraud." Castle let out a deep breath. "Just accept it, Clay. It's over."

"Then I might as well have the pleasure of blowing your head off." Clay said patiently, examining Castle's expression.

"Yes," Castle nodded, "I suppose you might. But I'm not sorry for what I've done. I did what I had to."

"For god sakes, Castle," Another voice sounded. "We don't want blood on our hands. Just transfer the money from your fucking account, and we'll get out of here.

"No," Castle shook his head, "I can't do that."

"And why not?" Clay interrogated.

"Because," Castle replied with a teasing glint in his eyes, "I already transferred all my money to a government account like they asked me to. I can't touch it. Not without them knowing that something is seriously wrong." Then Castle added, "And i'd bet they'd know who to go after first."

"Liar," Clay spit in his face, and Castle flinched.

"Why would I lie to you?" Castle asked calmly. "I know what you're going to do regardless. Why lie? When I know that it will get me nowhere."

"Who did you transfer the money to?" Clay shouted, "Which bank?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Castle said while wriggling his eyebrows in a playful manner, this only seemed to upset Clay further.

"Tell me!" he shouted again, cocking the gun in his hand threateningly. "Or I will hurt you."

"I already told you," Castle swallowed. "It's with the FDIC!" He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as he braced himself for his knee to be blown to smithereens as the man aimed the pistol at his left knee. But nothing could prepare him for the agony of having a gunshot blow out and shatter his left kneecap. Castle screamed as he tried to convince himself it wasn't real. He tried to think of something to distract him from the pain.

"Tell me," Clay threatened again, "Or I'll take this to the other one, and you'll have no chance of getting out of here on your own."

"I already have no chance of getting out of here by myself," Castle said smartly before closing his eyes, and bracing himself once more.

* * *

_Castle was suddenly transported back to a night only a week ago, where he made the all-important decision to protect Alexis and Martha. Of course, there was no way that Castle would have been able to foresee what trouble involving himself in the bureau would get him into at the beginning of this whole sting, but he had always been looking over his shoulder. _

_Now he knew that he had made the right choice. It had been poker night, and Castle was at the table with his buddies. It was the end of the night and Castle stayed put, waiting for Craig James, his friend from the bureau, to leave. Suddenly Castle was asking him to do something that even James couldn't believe._

"_Good night, Rick," James spoke as she stood up and pushed in his chair, "And good luck with the writing."_

"_James, wait!" Rick said as he stood up too. "I need to ask you a favor."_

_"What's that?" Craig said as he looked at his friend, who seemed to be torn with indecision._

"_I need you to transfer all of my assets into a protected account," Castle breathed, "I need someone whom I can trust. And you're that person for me."_

"_You want to tell me why?" Craig asked, not sure he was hearing correctly. "Are things with the publisher going bad?"_

"_Yes," Castle said softly, "I have a feeling they're going to figure out what I've done soon. I've been nervous from the beginning. When I wrote the Derek Storm series for them they were great. But dealings with them have only gone downhill. I never expected to discover what I did. The thought of millions of dollars of my profits going under the table made me sick. I didn't want them to get away with it. Somehow, I've managed to avoid the issue of the missing money. But my luck is running out."_

"_Forgive me, Rick," James replied, "But why in the hell do you want me to do it? I'm pretty low on the food chain."_

"_I trust you," Castle said simply. "Not that I don't trust your boss, Craig," Castle added quickly, "But I know that I can count on you to do this. I need you to transfer my assets. I don't want to be able to touch anything. Only Martha and Alexis."_

"_I still have to tell, Fraser," James said finally. "I take it you already have all of the information I need." Rick nodded as he walked over to his safe and pulled out all his financial records._

"_You've officially lost your mind," Craig shook his head as he took them from Castle and locked them in his briefcase._

"_No…No I haven't," Castle said softly. "Please. I just need you to do this. I need you to trust me." _

"_Okay." James sighed, sitting back down. "I understand." He looked Castle squarely in the eyes._

"_Yeah," Craig nodded. "Okay. I'll go get everything written up tonight. The funds should be transferred sometime tomorrow."_

_"I need them to be as clean as possible. I don't want to leave any evidence of where the money went. I trust that you can do that."_

_"I'm very good at what I do, Castle," James smiled, "I promise no one will be able to pick up on any discrepancies." Castle nodded, his expression full of relief._

_"I trust that you have an account for emergency funds." James spoke aloud._

"_Yeah," Castle confirmed, "enough to get me through the next few months. I'm having a friend help with that part."_

_"I know that the bureau can't possibly thank you enough," James said finally, "We have managed to seize millions of dollars that were being exchanged under the table because of you. Man, who would have thought a publishing company would be a front for weapons trafficking?"_

"_You should also know," Castle said slowly, "That I plan on selling the book rights to another publishing company, which is why this is probably going to blow up in my face. But I just can't do it anymore... I can't be part of their revenue."_

_"Just give us a heads up before the sale and we'll help you out with that too," Craig said softly. "Take care of yourself, Castle."_

_"I will."_

_"Just remember, We're only a phone call away." Castle nodded as she watched Craig walk to the door and let himself out._

**_Please Read and Review!_**


	7. The Good Fight

**Chapter 7: The Good Fight**

* * *

**Title: Disaster Button**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.**

**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**

**Chapter 7: The Good Fight**

_Breathe in for luck,_  
_breathe in so deep,_  
_this air is blessed,_  
_you share with me._  
_This night is wild,_  
_so calm and dull,_  
_these hearts they race,_  
_from self control._

Roy looked up from his desk as his two detectives, Esposito, looking quite serious, and Kate, who looked downright angry, strode into his office. Ryan slipped in before the door closed, wondering what was about to go down, so to speak.

"I'm surprised to see you here," Roy spoke, staring down detective Beckett, who had willingly disobeyed his orders to go home and stay there. "I distinctly remember telling you to go home, detective," Roy said calmly, while giving Kate his best stern look. Kate was having none of it.

"I've been up over 36 hours and I can assure you," Kate bit out rather insubordinately, "That I have no intention of sleeping until we get Castle back."

"We need to talk to you," Esposito said, his jaw tightening under his anger and frustration. "Did you know about this?" And with his question, he threw down the letter in front of his boss with little respect or remorse.

Roy's brow furrowed as his eyes sped over the page. He knew that D-day had finally come as he came across the part in question.

"That's what you were talking about last week, wasn't it?" Esposito accused, remembering the events quite well. "In that meeting where he practically stormed your office. He was telling you about his plans."

"That's quite a conclusion you've come to there," Roy said sarcastically.

"Well," Esposito clicked it's tongue. "Did he?"

"Yes," the captain answered calmly and honestly, knowing very well that he could have a mutiny on his hands. Kate saw red as her boss admitted this.

"How dare you?" Kate said harshly, her eyes showing betrayal. "We had a right to know what his plans were!"

"Don't act like I'm in the wrong here!" he shot back as he stood up. Ready to fight. "I'm obligated to keep things to myself! It wasn't in my right to tell you!" He waved the paper in the air. "He didn't even disclose much of what is in this letter. Only that he wished pursue another path."

"You really expect us to believe that?" Esposito said angrily.

"Yes. I do! And if you have a problem with that, then that's your problem," Roy choked out. "Castle didn't wish for me to tell you. What was I supposed to do? Go behind his back?" Roy's voice carried the authority in it that put his detectives back in their place. "Because I don't know about you guys. But that's not the way that we do things here. I'd rather be shot than do something against one of my own. You know that."

"I'm sorry," Esposito found himself apologizing. "You're right. It's just that we should have known. This might break the case open. We've been looking for a motive all this time. Now we know one of reasons why Castle wanted out of his writing contract. And now we finally have a possible motive. Someone didn't want him leaving the publishing company and we need to know why."

"We think it would be a good idea to get in contact with whoever was setting up Castle's admittance at the academy." Kate voiced. "It's a long shot but he might know something that we don't." Kate stopped for a breath of air. "It's also becoming apparent that there might have been some hostility between Castle and the executives of the publishing company. I think we should start trying to pull some bodies down here. I'll be damned if we take too long and Castle winds up dead because of it."

"There's something else that you should know," Montgomery said finally, while handing Kate a folder that had been laying on the edge of his desk. "CS managed to pull some encrypted email messages from Castle's hard drive. It looks like they didn't just send the photos the old fashioned way." Kate looked over several more pictures, causing her stomach to drop.

"Tell me you know who sent these?" Kate said angrily, nearly letting out a growl. "I'd like to get my hand on them."

"We managed to get a name," Roy said calmly. "And a warrant. I have Riley and Combs checking out the place now."

"Why only a warrant?" Kate said through gritted teeth, "I want him in an interrogation room where I can take a shot at him. Surely he knows something."

"It's four in the morning," Roy groaned, "Look, I more than anyone, understand your eagerness to get it done now, but I can't just corral everyone from the publishing company because we have a hunch they are involved. Their lawyers would tear the precinct apart."

"But this isn't just _anyone_," Esposito jumped in. "The man was taking suggestive pictures of Castle and his family. He threatened him. _AND _better yet. He _works for Black Pawn publishing."_ Roy let out a sigh, running a hand over his exhausted features. He wanted Castle back just as much as anyone.

"Damn it," it was Ryan who spoke now. Three heads turned in the direction of the young officer. He looked determined as Kate had ever seen him, and angry too. "We can't just stand around and wait for body to turn up. I don't care what time it is. We need to get Castle."

"Alright," Roy relented. "I'll make some calls. I'll have Griffin brought in, and see if I can't get a hold of the man mentioned in Castle's letter. But you guys had better be ready to do some dancing."

"Oh we will," Esposito replied with confidence, "You can count on that."

* * *

_Consider the odds, _  
_Consider the obvious. _  
_The martyr is meaningless, _  
_The campaign has died. _  
_In the planning stages and the fallen faces _  
_Are the singular proof that it was ever alive._

Within four hours they had several people to interrogate. Kate pulled Esposito and Ryan into the interrogation room looking at the man Castle had mention in his letter.

"Mr. James," Kate said evenly, "I appreciate you coming down here to speak with us."

"Not a problem," Craig replied, taking in the appearance of detective Kate Beckett, someone who he knew Castle cared for very much. "I'd like to help, but I really can't tell you much."

"How is it you know Castle?" Esposito voiced a second later, his brow rising up on his forehead. "He mentioned you in the letter he wrote to James Patterson. He said that you were trying to pull strings to get Castle a position at the academy."

"I was," James confirmed, "Actually, he's already been accepted, but I don't see how that's relevant."

"Castle is missing, Mr. James," Kate said harshly. "We want to know precisely what your relationship with Rick was." Kate took note of Craig's weary expression. The man shook his head back and forth.

"I'm afraid my relationship with Mr. Castle is classified," James breathed.

"Who is it exactly, that you work for?" Kate bit out slamming her hands on the table. "It's important that you tell us. I'd much rather have Castle alive, and I'm sick of playing games. You are either going to help with our investigation, or you're going to waste my time." Kate glared daggers at the man, "And you do not want to waste my time."

James took and unsettled breath, looking deep into Kate's threatening eyes. Rick had told him he trusted this woman with his life. James assumed it was only fair to trust her as well.

"Look, what I say in this room can't leave it. It's important that I have your word," James said calmly.

"You have it," Kate said evenly, not daring to blink.

"Good," James sighed. "I work for the bureau, detective. And Castle was...is one of ours." Kate tried to ignore the sudden intake of breath that Esposito sucked in, and the baffled expression that Ryan now wore as well. "We were aware that Castle had run into some trouble regarding his assignment. I can assure you we have our best out in force, looking for Rick."

"What was Castle doing for the bureau?" Kate asked quietly, her composure hardly holding under the pressure of rushing thoughts.

"He uncovered some illegal activity going on between the higher ups of his publishing company. He managed to get his hands on incriminating financial records and turned them over to the IRS. We, the bureau asked him to stay with Black Pawn and he was able to infiltrate higher up the ladder. The executives welcomed the activity, knowing they could get money out of him. However, one of the weapons deals, Castle was involved with didn't go as planned. Long story short, he turned over almost 10 million dollars to the bureau, and in the process screwed himself over." James waited for all of the information to sink it. He knew how surprising the information was, but knew it would be hard for the detectives to make sense of it all. "We think that when the execs finally noticed the money missing that they went after Castle for the money."

"Wouldn't Castle have enough money to break even?" Kate asked.

"No," James shook his head, knowing that they were going to want to kill him. "As you've already become aware, Castle had all of his assets transferred to a government regulated account. He did it on purpose."

"And you let him do that, knowing that if Black Pawn didn't get their money that they would come after him," Kate yelled. "You son of a bitch. Castle trusted you, and you screwed him over."

"That's not what happened!" James shot back. "We had a plan. He was supposed to tip us off. All it would've taken was one phone call, and we would have pulled him into WPP. But he never sent up the red flag. He tried to take it on himself." A pause, "Look, I know you're angry, and you have every right but we're doing our best. We'll find him."

"Who are the executives that Castle implicated?" Kate asked calmly. "We have several company employees, waiting to talk with us."

"Good," James nodded, "Try rattling their cage a little bit. I would bet that many of them didn't know what was going on over their heads. But if you can get one of them to implicate Clay Underwood then we might be able to finally move on them. See if you can get a location."

"Care to stick around and help?" Kate asked.

"I'm sorry, but I have my own problems to deal with. I could lose my job over this."

"Thanks for talking with us," Kate said as she shook the man's hand. Before seeing him out of the room.

* * *

"Okay guys," Kate whispered softly to her partners, gearing up for the next interrogation. "Things just got a whole lot more complicated. But keep your eyes on the prize. We're going to have to split up to make the most of our time. You take Reynolds over there. I'll take Griffin." A pause. "Did you listen to the tapes?"

"Yeah, the voicemails that Reynolds sent?" Ryan asked. "None of them sounded overtly threatening."

"No, they don't," Kate shook her head, "but it definitely sounds like he was the middle man for someone much higher up on the totem pole. I want to know whom he answers to. He seems like the kind of guy who will cooperate, but if for some reason you're not able to get anywhere, you have my permission to rattle his cage around a bit. Don't forget to mention that he'll be an accessory if he doesn't spill. I don't care if it turns out to be something minor, stupid even. Find out what he knows!"

"We've got it," Esposito smiled before turning to Ryan. "You ready to have some fun?"

"Yeah," Ryan said, looking nonchalant. "You?"

"You bet," Esposito replied. "Let's do it for Castle."

"Catch you on the flip side," Ryan said as they walked out of the screening room and into the interrogation room a moment later. Kate watched with fascination as they began to play hard ass. The typical, "Do you know why you're here?" question was thrown out with a certain bravado that made Kate proud of her colleagues. She could tell that their hearts were as equally as in it, as hers.

A moment later she picked up the envelope from the table, her stomach queasy. She couldn't believe what Riley and Combs had discovered about the man in the interrogation room she was about to walk into. Encrypted emails pulled from Castle's computer had been broken, revealing a particular email in which several more pictures of Castle's apartment which had been sent for the purpose of blackmail. After doing some digging the techs later found the source, and managed to put an actual name with the screen name. A quick warrant had done the trick. Pictures found on a memory card in Leo's apartment were enough to put Leo away for a short time. But she wanted Castle first. She gave herself a couple of coaching words.

"You can do this." Kate said to herself. "You break grown men on a daily basis. You can do this."

She steeled her expression and turned the handle. She had asked Montgomery to supervise, fearing that she might do something she would regret otherwise. She wanted to ring the man's neck, that's for sure.

"Morning," Kate said coldly as she walked into the room. "I'm detective Beckett. I need to ask you a few questions." Leo looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept in days. Kate, with a determined glint in her eye, took pleasure in scraping the chair across the floor. She made sure to 'accidentally' bang it on the table as she did so. Leo cringed and tried to hide the fact that he was probably hung over at the moment.

"I said good morning, Mr. Griffin," Kate repeated. Leo remained silent, staring her down just as indifferently. "Do you know why you're here?"

"No," he spat back with venom in his voice. "But I'm sure that you're about to tell me."

"You're damned right I am," Kate cut him off, her eyes shooting fire in his direction. She slammed her hand down on the table, as she opened the cover of the folder she had set down, with certain vigor. The pictures she laid out on the table in front of the man made her sick. The pictures were of the inside of Castle's apartment, mainly of the inside of his study, his bedrooms, of his living room. What really got to Beckett, though, were the pictures of Alexis sleeping on the couch, of her listening to music in her bedroom.

"These pictures were found on a memory card in your apartment, Mr. Griffin." Kate's jaw grew tight as she tried to hide her feelings of disgust. "The implications of these photos will be enough to get you put away for a short while."

"So?" he asked, the look on his face impassive.

"So? The man in these photos is now missing! That's what!" Kate shouted. "Did you take these?"

"No," he lied.

"Bullshit!" Kate called it like it was as she jumped up and took a step towards him, making threatening gestures. "Let me ask you again. Did you take these?"

"Yes," the man replied, slightly unsettled, "I took them. But I didn't do anything to him. I swear!"

"Why should I believe you?" Kate spat back. "You broke into his home, Mr. Griffin! You wanted to threaten him. To send him a clear message."

"I want a lawyer!" Leo spoke angrily. "I told you. I didn't touch him!"

"You want to play the lawyer card on me," Kate said viciously, "then fine. But I won't hesitate to add kidnapping and murder charges to the first unless you tell me why you took those pictures!" Kate reached for the doorknob, reading to storm out of the room, but a soft "Wait." had her whirling around to face Leo.

"Why did you take the pictures?" Silence. "Why did you go to this length to try and bribe, Mr. Castle?" More silence. Kate was losing patience quickly.

"I have no problem charging you as an accessory, Mr. Griffin." Kate said impatiently. "Now you can either tell me why you took those pictures, or I can put you in a holding cell. You can play puppet for the drug addicts and convicts who are about to be charged with murder. I'm sure that I can get him soften you up a bit until I can get you a lawyer. And just so you know. That could take a while."

"I didn't want to do it!" Leo shouted, his hand striking the table. "He told me to do it. He said that he wasn't going to hurt him. Only that he wanted to freak Castle out a bit. Rattle his cage. I didn't want to do it. But he threatened to fire me if I didn't. I was just trying to keep my job. I have a wife, detective, who just lost her job. We've just had a baby in January. I couldn't risk it. Not when they depend on me!"

"Castle is missing, Leo. And that's on you! I don't care if you touched him or not. You're an accessory. And you had better tell me who ordered you to take those pictures or I will charge you as such. You understand?"

"He's not just my boss, detective. He's higher up. They'll have my neck if I tell you. I know they will." He whined. Kate had to use all her will not to grab the man and beat the crap out of him.

"Tell me, Leo," Kate ordered, "Tell me and I'll make sure that no one touches you or your family."

"It was Clay Underwood," Leo's voice quaked, "He had me take the pictures and print them out. I handed them over, and he sent them to Castle."

"Where were you last night, Leo?" Kate asked, "8:00 to 11:00p.m. Where were you?"

"Home. I was home, with Jamie and Liesel," he replied, "You can check with the doorman. I promise you. I was home!"

"You better bet everything you've earned, that I'm going to check it out," Kate threatened. She looked to the door. "But as of right now, you're free to go."

"What?" Leo looked shocked, and grateful. "Really?"

"Yes," Kate nodded, "But you'd better believe that I'm going to be watching you like a hawk. One wrong move and I'll drag you back in. But you did cooperate." Leo nodded in understanding. "I'll ask one of the boys to take you back, and we'll have a detail there to keep and eye on you and make sure you're not in any danger."

"Thank you." Kate did not acknowledge the man's final words as she opened the door, letting him out. She closed the door behind him and walked back to the table, sinking down into the chair, her head in her hands. That had been one of the most difficult interrogations of her life. Not because Leo was particularly difficult but because she needed to find Castle, and may not have even gotten anything out of Leo at all.

She slowly picked up all of the pictures and slid them back into the folder before picking them up and walking out. She was surprised when she ran into Esposito right outside. His expression was stern.

"You finished already?" Kate asked him hopefully.

"Yeah," he smiled, "you were right. The man cracked after only about five minutes. All we had to do was play him the messages and threaten him with an accessory charge."

"So, what did he say?"

"Said an executive had him and a few other boys from the office practice some intimidation tactics," Esposito replied.

"Did he give you a name?"

"You bet," Esposito answered, "Ryan's already looking into it."

"What's the name?" Kate held her breath, hoping it was the name she had. Her stomach fell, however, when it was different.

"Daniel Bridges," Esposito replied matter of factly. "Did you have any luck?"

"No," Kate spoke, gritting her teeth. "All I got was a name."

"Same one?"

"No," this was hard for Kate to admit. "The name was Clay Underwood."

"It can't be coincidence that James knew that name," Esposito spoke. "He's got to have something to do with this."

"Yeah," Kate nodded, clenching her fists, "I'd like to know exactly what James was hinting at. They must have some stuff on him."

"Okay," Esposito nodded, "I'll go see what I can dig up." He took another long glance at Kate. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She replied, "I'll be at my desk." Esposito nodded, before getting the vibe she wanted to be left alone, and walked away, leaving her to her thoughts.

* * *

Kate stared in the folder she had laid open on her desk, trying to make sense of what was inside. But no matter how many times she read the same sentence, she couldn't make any sense of it. Kate let out a groan, rubbing at her sore eyes, while trying to get out a rather large knot in her back. With a resigned breath, she slumped over her desk, her head lightly falling the rest of the way to rest on the wood beneath.

_My hopes are so high,_  
_that your kiss might kill me._  
_So won't you kill me,_  
_so I die happy._  
_My heart is yours to fill or burst,_  
_to break or bury,_  
_or wear as jewelry,_  
_whichever you prefer._

"_Morning," Kate's thoughts were stirred by the voice of the man approaching. A smile crept on to her lips for a moment, before she forced the trace to be wiped from her features. She was good at hiding her true feelings. She had to be. She turned in time to see Castle walk up, looking smug. He had a coffee in his hand just for her._

"_Morning," she greeted back as he handed her the coffee. She felt a peak in her senses as his fingers brushed hers in the exchange. She pulled her hand quickly away, hoping to erase the tingling feeling left in them, but could not. In tandem, her heart picked up and began to pound so fast that she was sure it would betray her and give away her feelings. Kate let out a sigh as she closed her eyes, trying to remember what she had been thinking about the moment before his arrival. That's right. The case._

"_Have you been here all night?" Castle asked with a furrowed brow. "You look like you're tired."_

"_It's this case," Kate began, "I just can't…distance myself from it like I should be able to, you know?"_

_Castle sat down, looking uneasy. "Kate," Castle said her name softly, quietly, so only she could hear. "I think you should…"_

_"Don't even say it, Castle," Kate threatened, not letting him finished. "Like hell I'm going to forfeit this case."_

"_I…I just don't want to see you get hurt."_

"_I'm not going to." Kate returned. "I've dealt with cases like this before. And I'll deal with it now." She felt frustrated with him, but didn't know why. Maybe it was because she knew he cared._

"_Okay," Castle said, as if relenting._

_"What is it you want, Castle?" Kate asked impatiently, while turning to meet his eyes._

"_Nothing…" Castle said quickly. Too quickly, "Just nevermind."_

"_I'll leave you alone now," Castle was about to leave when Kate moved over to block him._

"_Hold up," Kate said in her commanding voice. "You really expect me to believe that? I'm a detective. In case you've forgotten."_

"_There was something I wanted to ask you," Castle admitted, "But now I realize that it's not a good time." Castle shook his head, as he stood up. "I'm sorry I bothered you."_

"_Hey," Kate said as she jumped up, standing in front of him. He was nearly a foot taller, but her assertiveness seemed to tower over him. "Talk to me."_

"_I…" Castle cleared his throat, "I was just wondering what you were doing this weekend?"_

"_This weekend?" the voice that interrupted made Kate cringe inside. Not here. Not now, she thought as Demming strode in. "That's easy. We've rented a cottage. Well, I'm still not sure I'll be able to pull her away from work. But with some persuasion, I just might get lucky."_

"_Right," Castle muttered, "Of course. Like I said, detective. I'm sorry I wasted your time." Castle turned to Demming, "If you'll excuse me…" Kate felt her heart sink into her stomach as she watched him rush out of the room. Why is it she felt this way? She turned to Tom, threw him a look full of impatience and chased Castle into the parking ramp next to the precint. He was opening his door, when she caught up with him._

"_Castle!" He froze with his hand on the handle, and turned around. "Wait!"_

"_What?" he practically hissed. "What did I do now?"_

"_Nothing…" Kate said honestly. "Look, I just wanted to apologize for in there. I didn't intend for us to be interrupted."_

"_It's fine," Castle lied, opening the door._

"_Don't go," the plea slipped from Kate's mouth before she could hold it back, "Please don't."_

_I begged you not to go.  
I begged you, I pleaded.  
Claimed you as my only hope  
And watched the floor as you retreated.  
_

_"Kate," Castle sighed, his voice defeated._

"_Look, I'm sorry," Kate replied. "I can tell you're upset with me. I can see it in your eyes. And I don't blame you."_

_"Good," Castle said curtly._

_She stared at him for a long moment, seeing something in his eyes she had never seen before. "Why did you want to know what I was doing this weekend?" A pause._

"_Can we just forget about it? Please?" Castle asked her, his expression pained._

"_No." Kate said quickly._

"_I…I didn't realize that you two were at that step already," Castle spoke quietly. So quietly she hardly heard. "I was hoping that you might come have dinner with me this weekend. I was kind of hoping we could talk. But obviously, you're otherwise preoccupied."_

"_You know, I didn't tell you because I was worried that things would be awkward between us and I didn't want that to happen," Kate found herself beginning to explain, until Castle threw up his hand and cut her off._

"_You don't have to explain," he said bitterly. "I get it." Castle stole once glance at her and before she knew it, he was in his car and speeding off. She stood there for a long time afterwards, wondering exactly where the morning had gone wrong._

**_Hope has sprung a perfect dive_**

**_A perfect day, a perfect lie._**

**_A slowly crafted monologue conceding your defeat._**

_**Does it comfort you to know you fought the good fight? **_

_**Basking in your victory, **  
**Hollow and alone **  
**While you boast your bitter bragging rights to anyone who'll listen. **  
**While you're left with nothing tangible to gain. **  
_

_She hadn't seen him for four days after that, and the day after she watched him walk out of her captain's office he had come back to work and everything was just as it had been before. Although, Castle remained guarded for the next week until he ultimately disappeared. Now she knew why. Now she understood. Still, somehow, she wished that she could go back in time, to the moment were she made that subconscious choice to pick Tom. She wished she had never given up on Castle. And was angry she had let herself get away with telling herself that Castle was too great a risk. Screw risk. Sometimes the risks you take in life wind up to be good things._

* * *

"You're not going to believe this," Esposito said excitedly as he walked over, drawing Kate out of her much needed slumber. Esposito nearly kicked himself when he realized she had been sleeping.

"I'm sorry," Esposito apologized as Kate mumbled and tried to rouse herself from sleep. Her head bobbed as she sat back in her chair as she rubbed at her eyes.

"It's okay," Kate mumbled. "What have we got?"

"We hit pay dirt," Esposito said excitedly.

"Really?" Kate nearly jumped with the excitement. "Who is it?"

"Your guy," Esposito replied, "As it turns out, there are a lot of red flags. And I mean…A LOT. I mean…it's crazy this guy hasn't been charged with anything yet." Esposito handed her what he had been able to dig up thus far. And her eyes raked it in hungrily.

"I mean look at this guy," Esposito commentated as she read. "Five employees filed assault charges against him. And all were let go within 5 months! The charges just happened to be dropped before they could go to court." Esposito looked as if he might burst with excitement. "Take a look at his financial records. He was smuggling money from the publishing company and using it to pay off the disgruntled employees and for 'other practices.' The dates all line up!"

"This is our guy," Kate said with great relief. "I'm sure of it."

"Oh, and look at the next page," Esposito prompted. "You're gonna love this."

"He's a registered owner of a 9mm pistol," Kate read. "No way!"

"I'd say that we'd better get his ass down here," Esposito said. "I have his address right here." He waved the paper proudly. "What do you say?"

"Let's go get him," Kate said with determination. "I'm going to take pleasure in causing him great pain."

**Please Read and Review!**


	8. Finally Getting Somewhere

**Title: Disaster Button**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle or any of its awesome characters. This story has been written for recreational purposes.**

**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**

**Chapter 8: Finally Getting Somewhere**

**A/N: Okay, so this is probably the last update for tonight, unless you are really desperate for more. Hopefully, you are enjoying the story and haven't lost interest. Please let me know what you think? All input is appreciated!**

* * *

Kate was exhausted. It was only late morning, but she hadn't slept much at all the past day or two and now, she was trying not to scream herself hoarse.

"Don't you dare lie to me!" Kate snapped as she interrogated a smug looking Clay Underwood. "I have an employee claiming you coerced him into taking pictures of Castle and his family." Kate began. "We also are very much aware that you have a large hole in your alibi for the night that Castle went missing. You have a gash on the side of your head, which could very well be from the result of a struggle." Kate had a hard time holding herself back.

"I don't need to defend myself, detective." He said shortly. "You and I both know that you can't prove anything."

"No?" Kate asked evenly, trying to calm herself. "So the words of _several _of your employees all testifying the same thing would mean nothing in court?"

"Who," Clay said angrily, "Who gave you my name?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Kate replied in jest. "I have more than enough compelling evidence to charge you with extortion."

"Then good luck finding your boy Castle," Clay spoke with a look of smugness.

"Was that a threat?" Kate asked as she jumped up. She couldn't stop herself this time. Clay let out a yelp as she threw the chair backwards and he hit the floor. "Because I swear, if you so much as touched Castle, I will make you wish you were never born."

"HEY!" Clay screamed. "Don't touch me!"

"You harassed him, you got a key to his apartment! You left him voicemails that were intended to threaten him," Kate spat. "I have all the evidence you need. Including footage of you in the lobby of his apartment."

"We were friends, detective. I'll admit it. We had lunch last week, we talked. I had no reason to hurt him."

"You mean besides the fact that he was going to cost you millions of dollars...money that you can't back without implicating yourself in dealings with the black market?" Kate shot back. "That's a big enough blow in itself. But now you're really going to lose it all. All because Castle was smarter than you." Clay slowly climbed up from the floor, distancing himself from Beckett.

"You know what I think?" Kate said angrily. "I think that you tried talking to him first, begging him to see reason. To save your ass. And when that didn't work?" An inflection arose in Kate's voice. "You tried a more direct approach." Another pause. "I mean…it worked with your employees, right? Why shouldn't it work on Castle?" Kate's fists clenched as she continued. "But that didn't work, did it?" Kate hissed. "Castle was too darn stubborn. So you took the fight to his doorstep."

"I didn't!" Clay shot back.

"You may not have meant to hurt him," Kate reasoned, "But I don't care. Just tell me where he is?"

"I don't know!" Clay replied, his body taking a defensive stance. "It wasn't me! I didn't hurt him. I didn't touch him! And the employees? They wanted to do it! They wanted to prove themselves and jumped at the chance. You're going after the wrong person!"

"Where were you then, Clay? Where were you last night between 8:00-11:00p.m?"

"At an executives meeting, trying to deal with the crisis Castle created," Clay answered evenly.

"Who can speak for you?" Kate asked.

"Daniel Bridges," Clay answered evenly, causing Kate to nearly jump with excitement. _No way! This was too good. The same name they got from their other witness just happened to match the name Clay gave her. It was too perfect. They were in it together. Kate had no doubts about that._ A knock on the door had Kate turning towards it. With a glance she discovered Esposito waiting for her.

"Excuse me one moment," Kate replied. "I'll be right back." Kate rushed over, whipped the door open, and stepped out the door.

"Hey!" Roy Montgomery stormed up angrily. "You crossed a line in there!" Kate shied back a step or two, looking ashamed. "You know better than that Kate! If he wants, he can file assault charges. You'll lose everything you've worked for! Do you want that?"

"No," Kate answered quietly.

"But you will not believe what he just told me," Kate breathed. "He's trying to use Daniel Bridges as his alibi."

"This is too good!" Esposito replied. "And yet it's a problem."

"How so?" Kate found herself asking.

"We haven't been able to find Daniel, or so much as gotten a hold of the man," Esposito replied.

"Hey Kate!" Kate whirled around to see Kevin Ryan jogging his way across the floor. "I'm glad I caught you. CSI just finished their assessment of that 9mm you picked up from Clay's apartment. I thought you would be pleased to know that I found evidence that it's been fired recently. One of the other techs also found residue on one of Clay's shirts that he was about to send out for dry cleaning. Three bullets are missing." Kate's jaw fell open in astonishment. They had it…the smoking gun. And yet, they still had no Castle.

"You just made my day, Ryan," Kate smiled. "I have Clay in there now. Let's see if I can get a little confession out of him." Kate turned to walk back into the room, not expecting her good friend to catch her arm. Kate looked at him in confusion.

"I'm not done yet," Ryan said with a chuckle. "There's more."

"What do you mean?" Kate's brows furrowed in concern. Ryan was acting as if what he was about to say might hurt Kate.

"CS found a blood stain on one of the sleeves," Kevin said slowly. "We have to wait for the results, to see if the DNA is a match. But I assure you that I'll let you know the second I get the results." Kate nodded. Lanie came rushing up as well and Kate turned to her. She looked like she had something important to say.

"What about the blood you found in Castle's apartment," Kate asked, latching onto Lanie's arms. Kate regretted the question immediately upon seeing the look on the ME's face.

"Lance confirmed that it was a match," Lanie swallowed, "Kate, I'm so sorry."

"You can't tell me something like that and then expect me to go in there and not kill him," Kate breathed. "How am I supposed to go back in there and do this?"

"Kate," Esposito spoke, "You can do it. Just use what we have. See if you can catch him in a lie."

A minute later, Kate walked quickly back into the room and sat down. Clay looked up and her, with a curious glint in his eye.

"Sorry about that," Kate apologized, although she didn't mean it in the least.

"No problem," Clay replied. "Will you keep your hands off of me this time?"

"Yes. So where were we?" Kate asked.

"You asked me for my alibi," Clay replied with a yawn.

"You tired?" Kate, "Have a long night last night?"

"No. I struggle with insomnia," Clay answered matter of factly. "Care to ask about something else?"

"Yes, actually," Kate spoke in a clipped tone. "So, you're the owner of a 9mm, pistol." Kate said slowly, "You ever fire it?"

"Use it?" Clay's voice seemed to go a bit higher, "No. Course not. What would I need it for?"

"You tell me," Kate replied. "Not that I believe a word that you have had to say." Kate allowed for a pause. "Our criminal science analyst, just kindly informed me that the gun was fired recently, perhaps within the last 24 hours." Kate saw something inside of Clay shift towards uneasiness. He no longer looked smug. That's for sure. "You still think that we can't prove anything Mr. Underwood?" Kate asked with certain venom in her voice. "Because I also happen to have one of your shirts, with gunpowder residue on it." Kate smiled, "Not to mention the blood stain." Kate paused, "So...you want to tell me what really happened, Clay?"

"I want my lawyer," Clay spoke, now uncomfortable.

"Oh," Kate said with malice, "I'll get you one." A pause. "And maybe he'll be able to get the prosecution to cut you a nice deal. Then again? Maybe not. Have a nice life in prison, Mr. Underwood." Kate shot a glare at the man. "We're done here." Kate walked out of the room, without looking back. Inside, she was crushed. The words 'so close yet so far away' circled around her head like a child's mobile, hanging over her head.

* * *

The next 8 hours were the worst. They were torture-some as Kate laid in the crib, having to face the possibility that she just might not be able to bring back Castle alive. There was no worse feeling than that of failure. She laid, staring at the ceiling. She pleaded with a man she'd lost faith in a long time ago, although she'd never been able to truly voice it. She had to pray that he still cared for her, that he still cared about her, though she was but a tiny speck in the large expanse of the universe. She'd always been very quiet when it came to her faith. She didn't go to church often, but she often quoted her favorite passages and scripture when she needed comfort. Her mother's cross had been lost in the explosion of her last apartment. But she refused to relinquish her beliefs and often imagined her mother in some better place. She had to, because it was the only thing that made it hurt less. It was the only way she managed to receive comfort from her mother's murder. Eventually, her fatigue overtook her and she dozed until Esposito came rushing up.

"We got him! We've got Castle?" Kate practically fell out of her seat.

"We do? Where is he?"

"Well, we don't have him yet," Esposito spoke quickly, trying to cover his tracks. "But we have something that's going to lead us to him."

"Explain," Kate prompted.

"We found out that Daniel Bridges rented two black sedans from a private company, last week. We still haven't found Daniel, but after reviewing the tapes at Castle's apartment complex, we found that one of the cars in the night before last, had plates that match. It was one of them, Kate. Underwood or Bridges. We're working on reviewing nearby traffic cameras to see if we can trace our way through this."

"That doesn't mean that we're going to find Castle," Kate said pessimistically. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't get my hopes up over nothing."

"Kate," Esposito's voice became pleading, but she wouldn't have any of it.

"Don't," Kate cut him off. But the ringing of the phone at her desk, cut off Kate. She stole a glance at her partner and picked it up off of the cradle.

"Beckett," She answered in her typical clipped tone.

"Kate?" Kate felt her heart began to race at the sound of Lanie's voice, "It's Lanie."

"Lanie," Kate spoke her name with a shaky voice, "What is it?"

"I need you to listen to me very carefully, Kate," Lanie requested.

"Yeah," Kate answered numbly, trying to take everything in. "I'm listening."

"The DNA is a match from the jacket is a match," Lanie replied. "The blood is Castle's." Kate nearly hung up on her friend.

"Oh my god," Kate whispered.

"What?" Esposito replied.

"I'm going to kill Clay," Kate found herself saying out loud.

"Kate!" Lanie's voice yelled on the other end. "I know how you feel, but you can't do it. Kate, listen to me. Use this. You can find him, Kate. I know you can."

"Thanks Lanie," Kate said gratefully, "I knew I could count on you. I mean…I've never gotten DNA results so quickly."

"I have friends in the CSI," Lanie smiled, "I called in a favor. They would have called, but I thought you'd rather hear it from me."

"Yeah," Lanie replied as if it were nothing. "Kate?"

"Yeah?" Kate replied.

"Good luck," she wished her friend, "I know you can do this."

"Thanks again, Lanie, but I have to go," Kate sighed before hanging up. She turned to Esposito. "Come on," she said as she stood up, "We have what we need. Let's go break this thing wide open." Esposito watched her with fascination as she headed for the bullpen. When she realized he wasn't following, she turned around with impatience evident on her features. "You coming?"

"Yeah," he nodded, "I'll be right there, I'm just going to get Ryan." Kate nodded.

* * *

Within minutes they were ripping Clay apart. And though his attorney was trying to protect him, the evidence spoke for himself.

"Where is he?" Kate practically yelled. "Tell me and I'll take attempted murder off the table."

"Kate, no!" Ryan interrupted. "You can't do that." Kate rounded on Ryan, pulling him into the corner.

"Look," she whispered, tears streaming down her face, "I know what I'm doing."

"It doesn't have to be like this," Esposito joined in, "We can get Castle another way. We can. We just have to wait for the traffic footage."

"Damn it," Kate swore, "We may not have more time. I have to do this. Please." Ryan and Esposito took a long look at each other before nodding.

"Okay," Ryan replied. "Let's do what we need to do."

"I know what I'm doing," Kate whispered again in reassurance, completely losing it. "The FBI is going to rip him to shreds anyways. I'm willing to give him what I've got to give. I need Castle alive."

"Take it or leave it, Clay," Kate spoke as she dropped back into the chair across from him. "Just think about it. We're talking first degree attempted murder charges, here."

"You're offering to pardon me in exchange for Castle's location?" he asked greedily.

"For attempted murder? Yes." Kate replied, "I can't promise you anything on any of the other charges. You'll have to take your chances. But I'm a good friend of the prosecuting attorney, so you might get lucky. I suppose that will depend on how helpful you're feeling, Clay. Just tell me where he is!"

"Walker holding," Clay spoke a moment later.

"Walker holding?" Kate repeated, watching Esposito and Ryan rush out of the room.

"It's one of our storage facilities," Clay replied, "Right on the Hudson river."

"What's the address?" Kate said in a hurried tone.

"Give me a pen," Clay requested, "I'll write it down for you." Kate did as she was told.

The moment the paper was exchanged from hand to hand she was out the door, rallying the troops, so to speak.

_**Please Read and Review!**_


	9. The Lightning Strike

_**Title: Disaster Button**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion (as amazing as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

_**Chapter 9: The Lightning Strike**_

_**A/N: So how amazing was it to have a new episode of Castle? I thought that I'd post this in celebration of the new episode! I'm hoping Kate and Rick will be back to themselves in no time. And how awesome are Ryan and Esposito? They make me laugh! Anyhow, I hope you guys like this update. I'll try to post the next chapter sometime tomorrow night (I can't promise this, though, since I have to tweak some stuff and an exam tomorrow). **_

_**Oh! And please let me just say thank you for all of the reviews, and for adding this story to your favorites. You guys make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I appreciate the positive feedback! You guys are awesome. Anyhow, without further ado, the result to the gripping prologue. Enjoy!**_

* * *

Kate waited on baited breath as the voices inside echoed out through the back door of the warehouse. She trained her senses, trying to listen to the several men inside. It seemed to take an eternity for everyone to get into position. She had to wait for this important hallmark before giving the go ahead to the rest of the force. Esposito and Ryan stood at the ready, their bodies tense and their expressions determined. Esposito had once called Castle his partner, and he had meant it too. And now? He had never felt more determined. He was going to get Castle out of there alive. He didn't care what he had to do. Castle had always had his back, and now it was time for him to have Castle's back.

"Everyone in position?" Kate radioed in a whisper.

"We are in position," a voice crackled over the radio, "Ready when you are!" Kate closed her eyes for a moment, waiting for what felt right. Suddenly her eyes snapped open and she was giving the green light.

"Okay," she spoke with determination, "Everybody move in! I repeat move in on the targets now!" With a loud bang, Esposito took pleasure in kicking down the door.

"NYPD! Drop your weapons and put your hands where we can see them!" Kate shouted as she rushed in, with dozens of others. Her heart thundered deafeningly in her ears, as her senses piqued. Her hand was steady on the police issued service piece held tightly in her hand. Her head swept from side to side as she checked for nearby hostiles. A gasp befell her lips as she threw herself against one of the crates, assuming the defensive position. Adrenaline coursed through her veins. She let her heart pound for a minute before she catapulted herself out from behind it and into the dark shadows. She could already hear gunfire on the far side of the warehouse. "Castle," she found herself shouting, "Castle! Where are you?"

A short ways away, Castle closed his eyes. Just to hear her voice again was all he could have asked for before death. In some ways it was comforting and it gave him hope. He had thought he would never hear her voice again, or see her beautiful emerald green eyes. He wanted to yell out to her, but he knew better. The danger in this situation was too real. It was nothing more than a trap, and he knew it. He wanted to know that no real harm would come to him.

Kate couldn't save him now. He feared that it was too late. He knew about the explosives, and the fact that he wasn't meant to make it out of there alive. All Castle could hope was that Kate would understand. But mostly, Castle hoped that Kate would know how important it was to him that she take care of Alexis in his absence.

"Castle!" Kate shouted again, throwing herself around another stack of crates. She would never admit to it out loud. But she was afraid. She was frantic, and feared that he was already dead. "Castle, please! Answer me!" Kate began to feel the panic rise up and overtake her rigid, cold-hearted exterior. She had to find him. Kate ducked out from behind another set of crates on the opposite end of the warehouse from which the gunfire was taking place. What she saw in the shadows had her freezing in her tracks. A dim light flickered nearby, and it was though its dimness that she saw the first shadow of him.

"Oh thank god," She breathed, "Castle." She performed a quick check of the perimeter, and when she realized she was on her own, and that there was no immediate danger she rushed forwards.

"Castle!" Kate's voice hissed in panic. She nearly yelled as she saw the blood on the floor at his feet. His head shot up from where it had been lolling on his sternum, and his eyes connected with hers. It was as if she was seeing him for the first time, and she couldn't look away. All of the air left her lungs as he held her gaze. His shoulders were pinned to the back of the chair and his arms were chained to the armrest. His legs weren't restrained, but as Kate looked at them she realized why.

"Oh, Castle," she swore when she saw that they had blown out his left knee so he couldn't possibly run. He was struggling to free himself and Kate watched in amazement as he nearly succeeded. All of the practice Castle had taken to research his own character's escape methods seemed to be paying off. She rushed forwards to help.

"I've got it," Kate offered as started to rush over.

"No," Castle said all too quickly, in a stern voice. "Don't." This caused Kate to pause for a moment. She looked at him as if she were confused.

"Let me help," she ordered as she approached, despite the fact he begged him not to.

"Kate…No." She was within 15 or so yards of him when he finally got his hands free. "You can't help me." Castle looked at her for a long moment, taking in everything about her. "Look, you need to leave."

"No!" Kate replied indignantly.

"Kate," Castle's voice was low and quiet as he spoke, "Please. I'm begging you. It's…It's a trap. You need to get out."

"No," Kate refused. "I'm not leaving without you! Castle, I…I can't leave you." She took another step forwards.

"Stop," Castle's voice boomed. "Don't come any closer." Kate momentarily froze in mid-step. She hadn't realized her hands were trembling until her gun nearly slipped from her hands. Quickly she slipped it behind her back.

"I need to help you," Kate spoke emphatically. "You…You're hurt. You can't make it out of here on your own."

"Kate," Castle's voice was patient. He held her eyes. She watched him struggle against his own bonds. His shoulder throbbed, his side felt as if it were on fire. "This place is wired to explode," Castle revealed. "Kate, I'm begging you to get everyone out of here. I'll wait for the bomb squad."

"No," she swallowed thickly. "I'm not leaving you." She reached for her radio. "Clear the building now, guys. I've found explosives. Tell the bomb squad to enter the western shipping bay." Castle's eyes darted to the clock next to him, squeezing his eyes shut. There was less than a minute left on the clock. He could try to escape, but knew he was hooked up to a trip wire, freeing himself would set off the bomb. He looked down to his knee, which was swollen beyond belief. He wouldn't be able to walk or put any of his weight on the leg. He stood no chance.

"Kate," Castle's voice was thick with emotion as he spoke. "There's no time."

Kate stepped forwards, as the words sunk in. "How long?" Kate's voice wavered.

"Thirty seconds," Castle replied as he continued to struggle against the chains that bound him. The sweat that covered his body due to the fight or flight instinct at work in him, helped him free his arms the rest of the way.

For a moment, Castle thought that he was going to do it, that he was going to make it out of there alive, but before he could dwell on that fact for even a moment, he heard an audible click. And in the next moment his stomach sank. He knew that he had accidentally set off the fuse, and he knew what was coming next. Kate however, did not. She started to draw closer, and Castle did the only thing he could. He threw up his hands with the palm facing towards her and yelled as loudly as he could.

"No! Kate! Stop," her head shot up just in time to meet his eyes, and what she saw in them scared her to death. Fear. Castle was afraid. And the Castle she knew was never afraid or serious about anything. She only had a second to process what his eyes were saying to her. "I'm sorry," his voice boomed, as his eyes spoke the rest of what he could not say aloud.

_'I love you'_

"Castle! No!" Kate screamed. She took one more step forwards. Her love for him made her unable to turn back. In a blinding flash, Kate watched as the explosion swallowed Castle whole. She could feel the raw heat of the blast on her exposed flesh, even where she stood. She had no time to react before her feet were thrown out from under her and she was thrown backwards, her hand over her face, to shield her from the expanding fireball. It was over in a few seconds, but it seemed like it was forever. And he was gone.

_What if this storm ends?_

_And I don't see you_

_As you are now_

_Ever again_

Kate let out a groan as her eyes peeled slowly open. She had hit her head pretty hard, but was more disoriented by the absence of sound. Her ears were ringing loudly and she tried to sit up slowly in order to take inventory and make something of her surroundings. She managed to get a glimpse of her own arms and legs, but sagged back to the floor, as her vision blurred into nonsensical bits of color. She closed her eyes for a long moment, then opened them again. Bits of burning paper were raining down from the ceiling, causing ash to settle onto the floor around her. Kate groaned again, this time taking extra care to slow her moments as she looked around. Her heart was pounding in her ears. Her thoughts seemed to come more slowly than she was used to as she tried to remember what happened. Suddenly, it hit her, like a blow to the stomach.

"Castle," Kate mumbled aloud as she tried to make her way up from the floor, but ultimately was only able to make it to her knees before she sank back down. Her legs weren't working, and she knew she must have hit her head harder than she originally thought.

_I have to find him_, Kate thought over and over again. She looked over to where he had been only moments before to find it empty. Debris littered the floor everywhere. She refused to let herself think that Castle could be gone, much like Castle had refused to believe Kate had gone up in her apartment.

With a deep breath, she began to crawl slowly towards where the epicenter of the blast had taken place. She screamed his name louder and louder, though even still she was barely able to hear her own voice. "Castle!"

"Please let him be alive," Kate, muttered, "Please…I'll do anything." What Kate didn't realize was that someone was screaming for her. Someone who feared that she was dead.

_Just for a minute_

_The silver forked sky_

_Lit you up like a star_

_That I will follow_

_What if this storm ends?_

_And leaves us nothing_

_Except a memory_

_A distant echo_

"Kate!" Tom yelled at the top of his lungs. He had tried to give her space because he knew how much she cared for Castle even though neither Kate nor Castle would admit their true feelings for one another. "Katie!" Tom was scrambling across the floor of the warehouse, trying to jump over burning debris.

"She's over here!" Esposito shouted as he spotted her. He ran over, finding Kate whom looked a mess. She was covered head to toe in soot, with a sizable cut that was oozing blood on her forehead. She cradled her arm, which she could only assume from the pain was broken. But she could have cared less.

"Kate," Esposito plucked her off of the ground and pulled her up, keeping a firm grip on her good arm to keep her from falling. Her legs nearly gave out from beneath her. She had to get used to trying to support her own weight. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine," Kate choked out as she pulled away, stumbling slightly as she tried to regain her balance. "But Castle…" she spoke in desperation. "Oh god, we have to find Castle." She looked into Esposito's eyes, knowing he wouldn't be able to say no. "He was in the center of the blast."

"Kate," Esposito swallowed, "You should really sit down for a moment. You could have a concussion."

"Please!" the word was barely audible in the space between them, but Esposito let out a sigh of resignation, knowing that he couldn't say no to his partner. Not under these circumstances.

"Okay," Esposito nodded, fearing that there would be nothing left of Castle to find. "Can you walk?" Kate swallowed and gritted her teeth, hoping that she could.

"Yeah. I think so." Esposito nodded, taking her word for it. She limped her way over into the darkness, starting to look under the beam of her flashlight.

"Kate," Tom's voice was soft as he walked up, "Thank goodness you're all right." She closed her eyes as he reached out to brush the soot from her cheek. "For a moment I thought..."

"I'm okay, Tom," Kate said sternly. "Now please. Help me look for Castle." Tom nodded, wordlessly agreeing. He split off one way, and she went another. Castle had to be close by, even considering the force of the blast.

* * *

"I don't see him," Esposito spoke a minute later, as he began to throw things around fearing in his heart that Castle was gone. But just as the words left his mouth, he heard a soft groan come out from beneath a sheet of steel over to his left. "I've got something!" he shouted with excitement rushing over to lift the object in order to confirm what he hoped to be true. It took him several tries to lift the heavy obstruction, but on the third try he was rewarded when he got enough weight behind it and it toppled over into the darkness with a loud crash.

"Kate! It's him! It's Castle!" As his eyes fell on the face of Richard Castle, Esposito thought he had never been so happy in his life. But sadly it was short lived. As he saw the severe burns on Castle's face, and the blood seeping from beneath where the man's fingertips clawed at his side he realized there was real trouble.

"We have an officer down," Esposito radioed quickly. "I repeat! We have an officer down and in need of assistance! I need the medics in here now!" Esposito fell to his knees beside his friend and partner as he quickly bit off their approximate location into the radio. Kate was beside him in an instant.

_Worry not everything is sound_

_This is the safest place you've found_

_The only noise beating out is our hearts_

"Castle," Kate spoke his name with raw emotion as she knelt over him. Her hands shot out of their own accord, framing his face as she spoke her next words. "Castle…Can you hear me?" He was eerily still, and Kate's fingertips darted for Castle's neck of their own accord. "Come on...Come on," she whispered over and over. She ceased to breath herself as she felt a thready pulse strong enough to work it's way through her fingertips.

"Thank god," Kate squeezed her eyes shut, willing for it all to be over. But she knew that this was only the beginning.

"Castle," she spoke again, her hand brushing his cheek gently, "Castle, Please." She gasped as his eyelids flickered and opened, giving her a chance to see blue.

"Wha?" Castle's voice sounded rougher than Kate was used to as his eyes looked around wildly.

"Castle," Kate said calmly, "It's Kate. I'm here. Everything is going to be okay."

It took a moment for Castle's eyes to focus, but as he saw her standing over him, she looked like an angel.

"Kate," Castle managed to choke out through hitched breaths. "Oh, thank god you're okay," he said, reaching up to squeeze her hand. "I was so worried. But I knew you would come…" Kate closed her eyes for a moment as she let his words cascade over her. Castle trusted her enough to know she would find him.

"I'm so sorry it took me so long," Kate found herself apologizing as she began to run her hands down his face, initially starting in his matted hair and ending at his jawline. "We didn't get a whole lot of leads until a few hours ago."

_Why don't you rest your fragile bones_

_A minute ago you looked alone_

_Stop waving your arms you're safe and dry_

_Breathe in and drink up the winter sky_

"It's better than I could have hoped for," Castle smiled, though she could tell it was forced, "I'm starting to think you should run a thirty minutes or less campaign. You made good time." Kate swallowed over the unbearably large lump in her throat.

"Castle," Kate sounded somewhat ashamed of herself, "it took us over forty-eight hours. And they were the longest two days of my life."

"Kate," Castle closed his eyes, "Don't kick yourself. You did great, kid. I'm so proud of you."

_Something was bound to go right sometime today_

_All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us_

_It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained_

_It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing_

_That we could see for miles and miles_

_And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth_

_When you held onto me like I was your little life raft_

_Please know that you were mine as well_

She then found herself doing something she had only thought about on a couple of rare occasions, though she knew she desired it more than she cared to admit. She leant down further, her face hovering only an inch above his. She could feel his warm ragged breath as she took a moment to stare into his eyes, and then with certain gentleness, she pressed her lips down onto his. Castle closed his eyes, trying to reciprocate this monumental gesture, but he was still so weak and couldn't draw out the kiss for as long as he would have wanted. Kate pulled away slightly, her cheeks a deep flushed red.

"Does that mean that you're happy to see me, detective?" Castle joked with a childish wink, effectively ruining the tender moment they had just shared. (Though not really) "Or was that just out of sympathy?"

"Shut up, Castle," Kate reprimanded him with her typical shortness, but wore a smile as she did so.

"Medic is here!" Esposito announced as a man came running up with a bag slung over his shoulder, while his female counterpart ran behind him wheeling a gurney. Kate found herself backing away. She had done her job, and now it was time to let someone else do his or hers. Kate watched, trying to keep as calm as possible as she watched the medic dropped to the floor beside Rick.

"Sir," he asked softly, "Can you hear me?" She watched as Castle nodded. "Can you tell me your name?"

"It's Rick. Rick Castle." she heard him reply softly.

"Good," the medic smiled, glad that Castle was lucid, "Okay, Mr. Castle, I'm Joel and this is Melissa. We're going to take care of you and get you out of here." Castle nodded again. Kate watched Joel's meticulous methodological movements as he checked Castle's pulse, listened for breathing sounds and ripped open what was left of what used to be a nice dress shirt. He clicked his tongue softly, obviously displeased with the severeness of the wounds he found underneath. Kate silently mourned the loss of Castle's now ruined dress shirt. It had been one of her favorites, though she would never mention that to Castle. As she laid eyes on Castle's left shoulder, she bit her lip to keep from crying out. A good deal of the skin had burned away, leaving a glimpse to what was underneath. Her eyes traveled next to the cheap patch job that Bridges had used to keep Castle barely alive, she did all she could not to look away. Castle noticed the look of distress on her face immediately, and felt the fear begin to creep in once more.

"How bad is it?" he found himself asking, "Is it bad?"

"Hmm?" Kate asked as she tried to pull herself out of her own little world.

"You look worried," Castle, stated as he locked eyes with her, "One thing I know about you, Kate, is that you aren't easily shaken up. But the look I just saw…. I just want to know if it's bad."

"You're going to be fine, Castle," Kate spoke, praying silently that this was true.

"Are you doing that thing? You know the thing where you lie to make me feel better?" Castle asked, his heart beating a little faster.

"No."

"Are you sure?" Castle returned, "Because I think you are…"

"Look Castle!" Kate felt herself snap, "Could you please not do the thing where you start an argument just to annoy the hell out of me? Just this once?"

"I'm sorry," Castle whispered. The tone of his voice was low and almost too quiet to be heard. Castle felt the emotion and honesty in Kate's words as she replied.

"I'm sorry too," she nearly cried as she wrapped her arms around herself, staring at where Castle lay on the floor, "My partner is on ground with a gaping hole in his side, and it's my fault."

"No it's not," Castle argued.

"Yes it is."

"Don't you dare take the blame for something you know very well isn't your fault," Castle reprimanded, "Because if you do, then you're not the person I thought you were at all."

It was at that moment that Kevin came running up, his hand holding his side. He was breathing heavily but looked as if he were there to offer good news.

"We've got 'em!" Kevin confirmed aloud, "Bridges went down with a bit of a fight, but we got the other two in custody."

"Good," Esposito said, his voice heavy with the fatigue he had been holding back. Kevin slowly walked over and handed him a small cassette tape.

"We found this on Bridges," Kevin Ryan spoke. He looked towards Castle.

"How are you holding up?" Ryan spoke, his voice full of concern.

"Me?" Castle asked, looking around, "Oh I'm good." A pause. "I'll be better once I know if Alexis is still going to have her father tomorrow."

"Castle," Kate sighed, feeling somewhat defeated. "It's not that bad, I promise." Kate paused and stared down Esposito, hoping to get his support. "Tell him, Esposito!"

"She's right, man," Esposito said, crossing his arms over his chest before shooting a glare back at Kate. She could tell that the man wasn't thrilled she had put him on spot like that.

"Okay…" Castle breathed, closing his eyes.

"You know…if you ever pull a stunt like this again I'm going to have to kill you," she spoke as earnestly as possible, "You really gave us quite a scare."

"You know, Detective," Castle gritted out, "I've told you once, and I'll tell you again. I really wouldn't mind it if you wanted to spank me."

The joke would have been funny if Joel hadn't applied pressure to the wound at just the wrong time, causing his breath to hiss out of his lungs. Kate tried to tune out the sound of the ragged breathing that followed as Castle was forced to face his greater injuries. Melissa was carefully hovering over Castle's leg. Kate did everything she could not to look at the site of Castle's gruesome leg injury.

"Gah," Castle finally screamed, "It hurts! Why did no one ever tell me how much this hurts?"

"Sir," the medic spoke calmly, "I need you keep still."

"That's a little harder than it sounds," Castle grunted. He felt like he could writhe around on the floor. Surely any movement would be better than lying still, feeling the waves of pain shoot through his side all of the way to his back.

"Mr. Castle," Joel spoke again, "I know it hurts. I honestly can't imagine how much. But I really need you to keep still."

"I really can't," Castle spoke, his voice shaking under the agony he was in. It was time for Kate to step in. She walked over slowly and took his hand, giving it a strong squeeze.

"Relax, Castle," she breathed stroking the side of his face, "You're only going to make things worse if you don't." Kate captured his gaze before speaking again. "I know you can do this. You're not one of us for nothing."

"I appreciate you saying that," Castle whispered, "But we all know I'm just a writer."

"A writer?" Esposito repeated indignantly, "Would a writer put his life on the line for his friends day in and day out? Does a writer put away dangerous criminals? Don't sell yourself short, Castle. You're far more than just a writer."

"I'm going to give you something to try and help you relax, Mr. Castle," Melissa, the paramedic spoke, as her partner started wrapping gauze around Castle's middle tightly to hold his blood in.

"Please," Castle replied, "Call me Rick."

"What are you going to give him?" Kate found the over protectiveness in her taking over.

"Just a shot of morphine to help take the edge off," she replied as she injected him with pain medicine. "And some attavan to help him relax."

"His blood pressure is low," Joel spoke as he got the first reading from the monitor they hooked him up to, "Looks like there's a good chance he could have internal bleeding. These burns are severe. I need to work on covering them, or serious infection could set in."

"Castle?" Kate whispered as his eyes closed. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Just a bit of a head rush," Castle mumbled as his eyes flickered, then closed again.

"It's probably just the pain medicine," the paramedic replied. "Try and keep him talking if you can."

"You and I have some things to talk about, Castle," Kate said slowly. "For starters, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell me what was going on?"

"Because I didn't want you to get hurt," Castle replied honestly. "Look, I'm the one that got myself into trouble. I didn't think it was fair to bring you into it, especially when I knew the risks involved. Please don't take it personally."

"You know," Kate said patiently, "I do tend to take it a bit personally when someone comes after someone I care about, Castle."

"I know that," Castle sighed tiredly, his eyes fluttering a bit before they closed.

"Just promise me something," Kate said simply, "How about the next time that the feds give you a number to call, you use it?"

She expected some sarcastic remark to come back from him, but he was eerily still.

"Castle," Kate spoke, her heart beginning to beat faster in her chest by the second, almost as if she could feel something was wrong. "Castle, can you hear me?" Kate looked to Esposito for help, but the man looked just as frantic as her. He knelt beside Castle, trying his own luck.

"Castle?" No response. "Castle?"

"His skin is clammy," Joel announced, placing his hand against Castle's forehead. Kate watched as his hand fluttered down to Rick's neck. "Pulse is thready and rapid." He was silent for a moment as he counted beats. "We're up over 150, he's going into shock."

"Rick?" Melissa asked in a gentle voice. Again there was no response.

"What's happening?" Esposito found himself asking for the rest of them.

"His body is shutting down," she elaborated. "We need to get him out of here." She turned to her colleague, "We need to get him started on oxygen now!"

"Shock?" Kate's voice was high pitched. "What do you mean by that?"

"He's lost too much blood. His body doing its best to preserve his brain, heart, and kidneys, but if his internal injuries don't get help soon, there's not going to be anything we can do." she explained as they scrambled to get Castle on oxygen.

"I think we're going to need to intubate him," Joel replied without paying so much as a glance towards anyone else.

"Do it." The paramedic technician replied.

"He's crashing," Joel spoke in a panicked voice. "I don't understand," he groaned, "He was doing so well."

"We need to get him out of here now," Melissa breathed.

"I know. Just give me one second!" Joel replied sternly as he tilted Castle's head back on the floor and opened his jaw, and opened it. Kate watched helplessly as the man manipulated Castle's jaw, before quickly searching for the right angle and shoving the tube down Castle's throat so that they could make him breath.

"Let's get him on the gurney," he spoke as they moved to Castle's sides. "On the count of three. One. Two. Three." Kate watched as they heaved Castle's body onto the gurney and started strapping him down.

"Is he going to be okay?" Kate asked, her voice shaking.

"Let's move," Melissa spoke as they started running for the exit. Joel glanced back at her sympathetically, but didn't stop.

"Wait!" Kate cried out, wanting to know if he was going to live.

"Kate," Esposito's voice was soft as he grabbed her hand. "You need to let them do their job."

"If he dies…" Kate spoke, pulling herself away from Esposito.

"Hey. Hey." he breathed, "None of that. No one's dying. Castle is a big boy. He's going to be fine." He paused, reaching for her hand again, this time squeezing it for reassurance.

"Let's go," Esposito said patiently, "If we hurry we can follow them there."

"I'll call Martha and Alexis," Ryan said as he began running for the door, with Kate and Esposito behind him.

"We should try to be at the hospital by the time Alexis and Martha get there," Esposito added.

"You're right," Kate nodded. "Let's go."

**_Please Read and Review! Pretty Please!_**


	10. When I Go Down

_**Title: Disaster Button**_

_**Disclaimer: Sadly the amazing show that is Castle does not belong to me, nor does Nathan Fillion (as wonderful as he his)!**_

_**Spoilers: Through the end of Season 2.**_

_**Rating: T (just to be on the safe side)**_

_**Chapter 8: When I Go Down**_

_**A/N: So, tonight I am in a excessively good mood. I just made it through exam week and passed with flying colors! I also ran out and bought Season 2 of Castle and treated myself to a night of amazing television, revisiting all of my favorite episodes. And now, in celebration of said mood, and because I think it would be mean of me to make you any longer, I am posting the next chapter to my story. I would like to make it clear that I am currently working on the next installment (chapter), and so it may be a couple of days until the next post, but at least you have this to tide you over. **_

_**I would just like to say how thoroughly wonderful you guys are. All of the reviews have been so positive! I can say that it really makes the writing end of the relationship that much more enjoyable. I would like to address a couple of reviews that I received as to whether or not Gina was involved in this whole evil plot. And well, I'm just going to say that the question will be answered in time. I really hope you guys will enjoy the update, and the rather lame cliffhanger at the end of the chapter (Now be good little boys and girls and read the update. Oh, and no scrolling to the bottom of the update to see what I'm talking about. I've done that before. Take my word for it...it's not worth it! It's really not that big of a cliffhanger anyways.) Okay. I'm done now.**_

_**

* * *

**_

Kate closed her eyes as she slumped down in the front seat of the cruiser. Esposito had the sirens going at full blast as he followed closely behind the ambulance as it tore through the streets of New York City, parting traffic down the middle. Kate winced as he took a turn rather tightly, causing Kate's throbbing shoulder to push against the door. Esposito noticed this immediately and apologized, even though his attention was currently directed to the conversation he was having with one of the other officers from the 12th precinct. He was giving them an update before asking them to transport Martha and Alexis to Mount Sinai hospital.

Kate cradled her arm against her stomach, willing the pain to ease up a little. Like a good friend, Ryan had grabbed an ice pack from one of the first responders and so Kate held that to her forehead with her other good hand. She peered over her shoulder and into the back seat, where Ryan was on the phone as well.

"Hey, Gina," Ryan calmly as he shifted in his seat. She could tell he was nervous. "It's detective Kevin Ryan of the 12th." Kate heard Gina's high pitched voice on the other end as she inquired about her ex-husband. "Yeah. We found Castle. We're on our way to the hospital right now. I'd thought you want to know." Kate tried to ignore the distress of Gina's voice thereafter as she tried to inquire after him.

"He's pretty banged up," Ryan said carefully, "But he'll be alright." A pause. "Okay. We'll see you soon. Bye Gina." Ryan let out a deep breath and raked a hand through his hair.

"Wow," Ryan breathed as he flipped his phone shut, "She's not taking it well." Ryan looked to Kate. "I wonder what her reaction is going to be, once she finds out who she has really been working for all this time."

"Definitely not good," Kate chocked out, "She seemed to think rather highly of her superiors."

"You think she was in on it?" Esposito asked, causing Kate's head to whip in his direction. He wasn't surprised to find that he had earned a glare from Kate.

"What?" he said defensively throwing up his hands, "It's just a question!"

"Sorry," Kate shook her head. "Look, I guess I don't really know. But my gut tells me that she wasn't. Do you honestly think she would intentionally involve Castle in a company like that?" Kate shook her head again, causing her to feel slightly dizzy, before she repeated herself. "No...I don't think she knew."

"People can surprise you," Ryan said quietly.

"I know that," Kate retorted, "But she's...she's just...Castle's controlling ex-wife. I think she's pretty harmless." Ryan nodded.

"We're here," Esposito announced as they turned sharply into the emergency lot of Mount Sinai hospital.

Esposito braked to a stop just outside of the large bay doors of Mount Sinai hospital, and Kate was out of the car before Esposito even had it in park. Unfortunately, she still wasn't fast enough to catch a glimpse of Castle as the paramedics ran him inside. Kate followed behind quickly, inquiring after their friend.

"Hi," she said quickly, "I'm detective Beckett with the NYPD. I'm looking for my friend. They must have just wheeled him through here."

"Yeah," the nurse nodded, "They're taking him to a trauma room." She paused, seemingly able to guess Kate's intentions to see him. "I'm sorry but I can't let you back there. You'll need to wait." She gestured to the rather small cramped waiting room. "I promise I'll let you know as soon as I know anything."

"Thank you," Kate sighed, forcing herself to wear a brief friendly smile. Kate started to walk away when the nurse walked out from behind her desk.

"You know," she suggested, "you should really let someone take a look at that." Kate followed the woman's sympathetic gaze to the gash on her forehead."

"No thanks," Kate said quietly, "I'll be fine."

"Detective," she stuttered, "I really must insist..." Kate turned and walked away, ignoring the nurse's suggestions.

_I'll tell you flat out_  
_It hurts so much to think of this_  
_So from my thoughts I will exclude_  
_The very thing that_  
_I hate more than everything is_  
_The way I'm powerless_  
_To dictate my own moods_

Kate let out another sigh. Of course she knew that she wouldn't be able to sim him. It was slightly comforting to know that he was in one of the trauma rooms, being worked on by their trauma specialists. After pacing around for several minutes, Kate had surrendered herself to a chair in the waiting room. She watched as Ryan walked back from the triage desk, after talking with one of the other nurses. She closed her eyes, letting out a groan. She was so tired, she could hardly think straight. But every time she closed her eyes all she could see was the explosion, with Rick in the center of it. She wondered how many nightmares she would have from then on. Sure, she was used to her fair share of nightmares. It came with the territory of being a cop, of seeing what people were capable of doing to one another. But this...this crossed a line, an emotional line. Kate's eyes jumped open as she thought of her mother. _No, not that._

She was surprised to find Ryan was only a few steps away now. His hair was messy, as if he had run his hands through it about a hundred times. With a groan, he plopped down next to her, looking thoroughly exhausted, perhaps even more exhausted than she was. "They're moving him into surgery now. They said we can go wait in the waiting room up there. It's a little more private."

"Okay," Kate nodded, "Then let's go." She tensed her body as she prepared to sit up. Her legs were about to leave the chair, when Ryan did the unexpected.

"Not yet," Ryan said carefully as he reached out and grabbed her left hand to keep her from getting up, knowing Kate would be unhappy with him for doing so. "I uh...told the nurse that you were hurt."

"You didn't," Kate threatened, shooting daggers at her partner.

"Hey," Ryan threw up his hands, "I'm just trying to look out for you."

Kate looked over to Esposito with a pleading expression, looking for a little help. But Esposito did the unexpected. With a clearing of his throat, he shook his head.

"I'm with Ryan on this one," he said evenly.

"Traitor," Kate mumbled angrily. She really didn't like it when they ganged up on her like this.

"Kate," Esposito chuckled, before turning his expression serious once more. "You have an open gash on your forehead. You probably have a concussion. At the very least, you'll need stitches." Kate turned as a voice cleared oh so softly on her other side. She turned slowly to a handsome man in light blue scrubs and a while labcoat. His light brown hair was longer, nearly to his ears and curly. He had nervous look on his face, as if he knew his presence might very well be unwelcome.

"Excuse me. Miss?" His voice was deep, but had a softness to it. "Hi. I'm Dr. Jefferies. One of the nurses told me that you were in need of some assistance. How about you come with me, and I'll fix you up straight away." She met the young man's cerulean blue eyes, and smiled softly.

"I'm fine," Kate replied stubbornly. "Honest. It's just a scratch."

"Kate," Esposito groaned upon her reluctance to see a doctor. "You can't do anything to help him right now...so go! Get yourself checked out. You know Castle will never forgive us if we don't take care of you...even if you do make it impossible to do so." Kate looked quickly over towards Ryan, who was tapping his foot impatiently. His gaze held hers for a moment, his expression expectant.

"Fine," Kate said shortly as she stood up. She winced slightly as she tweaked her arm. Reflexively, she pulled it close to her stomach and held it there.

"The arm too?" Dr Jefferies commented as he noted now she cradled it.

"Yeah," Kate sighed, figuring she might as well be honest.

"Okay," he nodded, "Well, we'll have to take some x-rays." He turned to her partners. "I'll have her back to you in no time."

"Thanks," Esposito and Ryan spoke at the same time.

"No problem," Dr. Jefferies replied, "We take care of our own." He gave them a nod and led Kate to one of their private rooms, much to Kate's own dissatisfaction. Needless to say, Kate Beckett did not like being a patient.

* * *

An hour later, Kate sat on the edge of bed, swinging her feet back and forth as she waited impatiently for the x-rays to come back. Her thoughts strayed to Castle over and over again, though she tried to distract herself with things around the room. With a sigh, she realized that she had now counted the tiles in the ceiling 5 different times, coming up with a different number each time.

Kate let out a groan, surely she was just tired, and her head throbbed from where the Dr. had stitched it back together. With a sigh of resignation she sank into the pillow and closed her eyes, only to be startled when the door swung open. The doctor looked quite exhausted himself. She expected that he had been working about as long as she was, but he was friendly as he spoke.

"Detective," he said softly, "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"It's fine," Kate replied, "I really wasn't sleeping." She noticed how he looked somewhat disappointed. His expression constantly shifted as if he wasn't sure what to say.

"How are you holding up?" he asked softly as he sat down on a stool and pushed himself across the floor. Kate pushed herself back into a seated position with a bit of effort. She avoided using her right arm, since it was still killing her. She noted the way he looked at the chart, as if contemplating how to proceed.

"I'm okay," Kate lied, though her head hurt so much it was hard to think, and her arm throbbed as if there was no tomorrow. "I'm tired, but I can't sleep." Dr. Jefferies nodded at her comment, and hummed for a moment as he made up his mind on the next course of action.

"Why do I have a feeling I'm not going to like what you have to say?" Kate asked as he looked at her apprehensively. "Look, I'm okay. I'm tired," Kate breathed, "but that's because I've been up just as long as you have."

"I have half a mind to admit you," he said seriously as he pulled out a pen and made a couple of notes on her chart, "Perhaps, some pain medicine and a good night's sleep would do you well."

"No!" Kate blurted out quickly. Too quickly. "Please. That's really not necessary."

"That's not going to work on me," he joked. "Detective...err...Kate," he sighed, "You have a concussion, a rather gruesome looking contusion along your hairline. I really must insist that I keep you here overnight for observation." He paused again. "I'm sorry," he said apologetically, "but your x-rays also show that you have a fractured Radius." Kate let out a groan.

"Great," Kate choked out struggling to sit up again. "How much desk duty is that going to land me?"

"Well," the doctor said simply, "I'd say you're looking at a six week recovery, once we have orthopedics come set the bone and get it into a cast." Kate growled at her own misfortunate, but soon remembered what her other fate could have been had Castle not so desperately told her to keep away.

"Look, you can treat the arm injury," Kate agreed, "I understand what your obligations are. But I refuse to stay in this tiny room the rest of the night, just because I took a slight bump to the head." Kate felt her hard exterior crack as she thought of Castle. "My friend could be dying, Dr. Jefferies." She could see the man crack from the inside out, though he did so very reluctantly.

_I've thrown away_  
_So many things that could've been much more_  
_And I just pray_  
_My problems go away if they're ignored_  
_But that's not the way it works_  
_No that's not the way it works_

"Look," Kate sighed, "If I promise to go home and get some rest after I see my friend, will you let me go?"

"You'll need someone with you, Detective, someone to keep an eye on you," Dr. Jefferies sighed. "With head injuries there are always risks. Serious risks. I won't feel comfortable releasing you until I know someone will be with you tonight." Kate let out a groan, trying to think of who might vouch for her. The only two people she could think of were her partners. There was Lanie, of course, but Kate could only assume that her friend was working the warehouse at the moment.

"Well," Kate cleared her throat, "While I wait for orthopedics to get down here, why don't you go talk to my partner and ask if he'd be willing to...monitor me."

"Sure thing," Dr. Jefferies agreed. "How about you get some rest in the mean time?"

"Yes, sir," Kate smiled before laying back down, making her actions drawn out and dramatic. She was rewarded when she heard Dr. Jefferies chuckle under his breath.

"Orthopedics will be down soon," Dr. Jefferies. "I'll be back to check on you in a bit."

"Looking forward to it," Kate muttered. She could have sworn she heard Dr. Jefferies laugh under his breath as he finally left her in peace.

* * *

After another hour, an hour full of agony, as the orthopedics doctor manipulated and set her arm back into place Kate wandered slowly into the hall. She had gotten a shot for pain, but that was hardly enough just to take the edge. Luckily, when they were finished, and her arm was put in a cast, and now Kate was free to go. Thankfully Esposito had vouched for her. She glared at Ryan and Esposito as they sheepishly waited for her outside.

"I hate you," Kate mumbled, "I hope that you both know that I was just sentenced to _four weeks_ of desk duty, _AND_ two weeks off of work because of you."

"Yeah," Esposito replied with a nice eye roll, "It's _all_ our fault."

"Do you have any idea how painful it is to have your bones set by a doctor who must not know the _meaning of pain?_" Kate choked out in a rather viscous tone.

"At least you weren't shot," Esposito replied, earning a shove from Kate with her good arm. "What?" he spoke innocently, "I heard it really hurts."

"You're incorrigible," Kate said under her breath, causing Esposito to smile. He knew she meant it in endearing terms.

"Kate!" Beckett whirled around just in time to see Castle's daughter Alexis running through the doors. She ran straight into Beckett's arms and embraced her as if she would fall apart on her own. Beckett had felt that way once, and so she held on just as tightly as tears started to roll down Alexis' cheeks

"Is he alive?" Alexis asked in a broken voice. "Where is he?"

"He's alive. They rushed him into surgery," Kate replied, pulling away to look Alexis in the eyes. "They're going to do everything he can to patch your father up as good as new."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Sure he is," Esposito smiled, "You know how stubborn he can be. He'll be up and causing trouble before you even know it." Alexis' lips curled up in a smile, albeit a fragile and delicate one.

"I'm going to have to give him a stern talking to," Alexis joked, "he promised he would never pull something like this."

"He tried Alexis," Kate found herself saying, "I mean it. He did everything he could." Kate found her own strong voice wavering as she said this. Tears rolled down Alexis' face in a fresh cascade. Alexis would never know how hard Rick had fought to stay with her. But Kate didn't know, was that he had fought like hell to stay with her too. As much as her eyes had been opened up the past couple of days, she didn't know that Castle loved her, truly and completely. She also didn't know that he longed to be with her for the rest of his life.

_When I go down_  
_I go down hard_  
_And I take everything I've learned_  
_And teach myself some disregard_  
_When I go down_  
_It hurts to hit the bottom_  
_And of the things that got me there_  
_I think, if only I had fought them_

The next six hours were filled with torment as they waited to hear news of their loved one, Richard Castle. Esposito was the first to notice the surgeon coming out to greet them. He jumped up, causing Kate, who was still covered in sweat and tears to start before getting up as well. She found herself reaching for Alexis' hand as he drew close enough for them to see his solemn expression. Kate's heart seemed to be threatening to pounding out of her ribcage.

"Morning, I'm looking for the family of Richard Castle," he greeted with a weak smile. Kate nodded, confirming their relation, but she didn't speak aloud. "I'm Dr. Wells. Richard has done really well considering what he went through. For the most part we were able to patch him up without incident. His heart gave out on us a couple of times. But he came back. Luckily, the bullet missed all of his major organs. The longest part of the surgery was devoted to saving his leg. " Kate nodded again, along with the others. It seemed that all of them were unable to find the right words. And then Alexis, the brave, mature young woman whom loved her father, looked at the doctor, her eyes shimmering, and asked, "Can we see him?"

"Of course," he smiled, "He's going to be in recovery for another hour or so, but once he's moved to a private room you can stay with him as long as you like." Kate found herself growing anxious to see him again. "I should warn you though," the doctor continued, "With the extent of the burns on his arm and torso, he will be kept in isolation. We need to do this in order to protect him from infection, which he will be extremely susceptible to the next couple weeks. Also, with the amount of blood he lost, he's going to be quite pale, but his normal coloring will come back in time."

"How bad were the burns?" Ryan asked, "Will there be any scaring?" Kate swallowed as she felt a hole in the pit of her stomach. Was it wrong that she wanted him to be the way he was? She didn't want Castle to have to carry around what happened to him for the rest of his life…let alone have a constant reminder every time he looked in the mirror. She waited without breathing for the doctor to answer.

"Well," the man smiled, "Rick sustained multiple third degree burns during the explosion, two on the left side of his torso, and one on his leg, but they were all of a very small in area. Luckily, we just happen to have one of the best plastic surgeons in the country working here. He's helped dozens of firefighters who have been unfortunate enough to sustain bad burns. So we're hoping for the best." He paused. "In two to three weeks the tissue should be well on the mend."

_If and when I can_  
_Clear myself of this clouded mind_  
_I'll watch myself settle down_  
_Into a place where_  
_Peace can search me out and find_  
_That I'm so ready to be found_

"You hear that Kate?" Esposito joked, "Rick should look as ruggedly handsome as ever. That is what he calls himself, right?"

"Yeah," Kate smiled as a soft blush crept into her cheeks.

"Well," the surgeon apologized, "I really must be going. I'm running late for my next surgery." Suddenly Kate found herself reaching out to shake his hand. She knew there was no way that she'd be able to express her gratitude, but she had to try.

"Thank you, Dr. Wells," Kate smiled, "Thank you for saving him. We all are indebted to you for our friend."

"It was nothing," Dr. Wells shook his head.

"Oh, none of that," Esposito prodded. "He's alive because of you."

"We do the best we can," Dr. Wells returned, "I'm just glad I could help."

"Thanks man," Esposito smiled. "You're one of New York's finest."

* * *

Several hours later, Kate was still waiting for her turn with Castle. For a short time, Kate had been worried that they weren't let her in because she wasn't actually family. But luckily, with a police badge, and a bit of arguing on her behalf(Martha did most of the talking), Kate had been given the go ahead. She forced herself to wait patiently in the quiet waiting room, though inside she was a mess. She was on her third cup of coffee when Alexis found her. She noted how Alexis looked in good spirits, and Kate wondered how the strawberry blonde sixteen year old, who was wise beyond her years, was coping. Kate shot her a smile as she plopped down next to her in the waiting room.

"How is he?" Kate found herself asking. Alexis looked thoughtful for a moment.

"He's..." Alexis swallowed, "He's okay. I won't lie. Things are pretty bad, and he's going to have a rough time of things for a while. But I have no doubt that we'll be back to playing laser tag in the apartment in no time." Kate wrapped her good arm around Alexis and pulled her close, giving her a hug. She was proud of the girl. Alexis was certainly handling it better than she was.

"Thank you for saving him," Alexis said softly as she buried her head in the crook of Kate's neck.

"Alexis," Kate sighed, as she pulled away, peering into the girl's vibrant green eyes, "I really didn't do anything..."

"Yes you did," Alexis smiled, as if she knew something Kate didn't know. Kate smiled. "Hey, you should go up and see him before it gets any later. You look like you're about to drop. And I would hate to have you fall asleep in one of these chairs. Your back would pay for it for a week."

"Alright," Kate replied, taking another sip of coffee. "I'll head up in a minute."

"Promise me you'll go home and get some sleep after you see him," Alexis spoke, "You need to rest, and Dad won't be taken off the anesthesia until tomorrow anyways."

"Okay," Kate replied as she stood up. "Well, you have my number. You have to promise to call me if you need anything."

"Promise," Alexis replied with twinkling eyes. "I'll even double pinky swear, if you want me to."

Kate rolled her eyes. "Let me guess. Your dad came up with that one?" Alexis nodded with a small laugh.

* * *

Kate was about to walk into Castle's room up in intensive care when she heard someone speak her name softly. She turned around to meet the light blue eyes of Tom Demming. He grabbed her by the hand and led her into a semi-private lounge across the hall. Kate opened her mouth to speak, but Tom wouldn't let her speak a word.

"Look," Tom spoke before she could get out a word, "I think I know what you're about to say."

"Tom," Kate spoke his name apologetically.

_I've thrown away_  
_The hope I had in friendships_  
_I've thrown away_  
_So many things that could have been much more_  
_I've thrown away_  
_The secret to find an end to this_  
_And I just pray_  
_My problems go away if they're ignored_  
_But that's not the way it works_  
_No that's not the way it works_

"I'm sorry to do this because I know that your thoughts are elsewhere. But that's exactly why I needed to do this." He paused before speaking her name. "Katie," he sighed. "I need to know what your feelings are." He looked deep into her eyes, searching for some answer, which only made her feel worse. Kate closed her eyes for a moment to block him out. She couldn't think straight. She heard Demming sigh. "This isn't going to work out well for me, is it?" Tom all but stated.

"I'm sorry," Kate apologized, this time sincere. "You're a great guy."

"You're just saying that."

"No. No I'm not just saying that. That's what makes this so hard," Kate's voice sounded broken.

"Was it something I said? Something I did?"

"No."

"Then why?" the question hung in the air for a long time. And Kate let it hang there, hoping Tom would be prepared for what she was about to say.

"Because my heart lies somewhere else," Kate replied. "I thought it was my own. But I gave it away a long time ago." Then one name was spoken aloud as everything came to light. It was a name spoken with conviction.

"Rick." Demming said raking a hand through his hair. "So, it's Castle, huh? I'm right, aren't I?" Kate didn't reply, but somehow he knew he had the answer.

He shook his head. "I should have known. He told me to go for it, but I could see something in the way he looked at you. I guess what I never saw, was how _you_ looked at him. I always looked away because, somehow, I knew how you felt about him. I just denied it. I told myself that it meant nothing."

"I'm sorry," Kate apologized.

"I just want you to be happy," Tom replied. "So, if that means that I need to walk away, then I'll do it. I guess...just say the word."

"Tom," Kate spoke evenly. "I want to be with Rick, if he'll still have me. I love him." Tom looked a little taken aback by the L-word. Perhaps it was because he had hoped that she would direct that word at him some day. But he smiled, nonetheless.

"Okay," He smiled, and pulled her in for a hug. "Fair enough. Take care of him, Kate. I'll see you around."

"Yeah," Kate smiled back, her eyes following him out the door as he left. She was about to follow him out of the room, but before she could leave, Esposito walked in.

"Please don't tell me that I have to break your heart, too," Kate joked. For a moment, Esposito looked surprised, turning his thumb towards where Demming had just departed.

"That's why he looks like someone just took away his teddy bear," Esposto joked back. "Wow, so you're finally figuring stuff out, huh?" Then he added. "Took you long enough. You think that a detective like yourself would..."

"Don't make me sell you out to Mongomery for insubordination," Kate cut him off, by throwing a threat his way. She was rewarded when Esposito began to laugh softly.

"You wouldn't do that," Esposito said after the laughter. "Hey! Someone has to be left to put the bad guys away in your absence." Kate looked down at her arm, pointedly, feeling the frustration all over again.

"Don't remind me," Kate said bitterly. "So," Kate mumbled trying to ignore her own feelings towards her medical leave, "Did you come here for some purpose? Or were you bored and just wanted to harass me?" It was then that she noticed Esposito looked suddenly uneasy. Kate stared at him for a moment, waiting for him to say something. When nothing came out, she persisted. "Sito," Kate said softly, "What's eating you?"

"I," Esposito cleared his throat. "Look, when we were at the warehouse, Kevin gave me a tape he found on Bridges, after he'd been shot."

"Okay," Kate said slowly, "So?"

"Kate, it's a tape," Esposito cleared his throat, "a copy of...of Castle's...rather brutal interrogation." He looked down at the floor and then back up to meet her eyes.

"Why are you telling me this?" Kate asked simply. Esposito let out a sigh, before raking a hand over his face, trying to relax.

"Because there is something I think that you should hear," Esposito choked out.

"Uh uh," Kate shook her head, "No way. I'm not going to invade his privacy like that. Whatever happened in that room...it is Castle's choice if he wants to talk about it or not when he wakes up." She put her hand up. "I'm not going to listen to the tapes..."

"Kate," Esposito whispered, "It's important. Look, I wouldn't have said anything if I didn't think it was..." Esposito let out a deep breath, knowing that his next action could very well get him killed. His hands slipped back into his coat pocket. For a moment he fumbled around, but then his thumb pressed down on the play button of the cassette player in his jacket, and the audio came to life. It was soft, but it was there.

Kate's instincts told her to run at Esposito, to tackled him if she had to, to get the recorder and turn it off, but as she heard the sound jump through the silence between them she could do nothing but stare at him. Kate nearly jumped as she heard a loud bang and Castle's yelp.

"Give me a reason to do it. One more word from you and I'll do it with no remorse," a man she could only identify as Bridges said maliciously. "And then maybe I'll pay a visit to your friends." She heard Castle's strained breathing as he struggled not to speak out. "117 Sycamore Street. Apartment 12A. Ring any bells, Castle?" With that, Kate's heart raced, and her palms began to sweat. That was her new address, a place where she hardly felt safe enough to begin with. Holy crap. How did Bridges know where she lived?

"Don't," Castle's pleading voice, made her cringe inside. She knew from the tone of voice that Castle speaking out could very well have gotten him killed.

"No...? You don't want me to do that?" Daniel said sarcastically in his deep gritted tone. Kate silently vowed to kill Daniel if the man wasn't already dead.

"Hmm...Perhaps, I'll just leave her a nice present to find. I'd bet she'd like to see you go up in smoke. I certainly know how happy I'll be to be rid of you. What do you think?" Kate held her breath as she waited for Castle's answer. Surely he couldn't think that she would...

"I think you're right," She heard Castle mutter as he let out another yelp. "I'd bet she'll be happy to be rid of me. But you keep her out of this."

"Oh I will," Daniel's voice was hardly reassure him, "But you can't blame me if she comes looking for you herself."

"Fuck you," Castle spit out finally.

"Turn it off!" Kate's voice was strong and resolute as she spoke aloud, her hands now up covering her ears. She yelled again. "Turn it off, Esposito or I sweat to god I'll..." Esposito threw up his hands. She heard a muffled voice and slowly lowered her hands.

"It's off," Esposito breathed tensely. "I'm sorry."

"That was my address," Kate swallowed.

"I know," Esposito nodded, his posture tense and alert. "I already played it for Montgomery. He wants to assign you a private detail until we're sure this is all over."

"No," Kate bit out. "No way."

"Kate," Esposito shook his head. "I think you misunderstood me. He's not...we're not giving you a choice." Kate took a deep resigning breath. "When you leave here tonight, you'll have a couple of blue coats tailing you."

"Great. Thanks for the heads up," Kate said as she tried to calm her senses. But she couldn't let it go.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "You know that it's for the best."

Kate shook her head as tears seeped from her eyes. "That's not what I'm upset about."

"Oh," Esposito swallowed, not sure how to react. Kate. Kate was crying.

"So that's how he thinks I feel. That I would be happy to be rid of him?" A sob threatened to wrench it's way out of her throat, "God, I..." Kate's voice trailed off into nothing as she felt Esposito's arms wrap around her. And as much as she hated him at the moment, she knew why she had done it.

"Come on," Esposito spoke in a whisper as he pulled away. "I think seeing him will do you some good."

* * *

When she walked into the dimness of Castle's room a minute later, she felt weary, exhausted, defeated. She felt like a failure. But instead of feeling sick to her stomach like she thought she would be upon seeing Castle, she felt warm, optimistic. He was still here. She hadn't completely blown it. Not yet. She still had a shot with Rick.

_I confess_  
_I'll blame all this on my selfishness_  
_Yet you love me_  
_And that consumes me_  
_And I'll stand up again_  
_And do so willingly_

She had to mentally make an effort to keep herself calm though, when her eyes began to take in all of his greater injuries. Martha looked up from where she sat perched at Castle's bedside.

"Hey," Kate greeted in a whisper. "How is he?"

"Good," Martha smiled as if encouraged.

"Has he woken at all?"

"No," Martha replied, "But the doctor said that they wanted to keep him sedated. It's to help with the pain. They're going to check his progress over the next day and depending on how he does, they'll wean him off of sedation then." Kate took a moment to do a once over, of Castle. She clenched her jaw as she saw his leg, wrapped up from his upper thigh to just above his ankle. Martha seemed to notice this, and commented.

"The doctor told us that they had to do some reconstructive surgery," Martha explained calmly, as if she was trying to withdraw her emotions from the situation, "The people who were torturing him shattered the patella, and tore several tendons in the process." Kate swallowed, feeling the pain as if it had happened to her herself.

"Is he.." Kate struggled to finish the question. "Is he going to be able to walk again?"

"We're hoping," she replied, "The Doctor said that it will take extensive physical therapy. But he should be able to be up and about on his own in a few months." Kate bit down on her lip, wondering if Castle being laid up for several months would drive him crazy. She couldn't imagine having to be laid up on the couch for three months.

"But at least," Martha made a point of saying, "the bullet missed all of his vital organs."

"Yeah," Kate nodded.

"The doctors said that he's strong. They are very optimistic about his recovery. Hopefully he'll be out of here in a few weeks."

"Good," Kate nodded. "That's really good." She tried to smile, but realized that she just wasn't ready for that yet.

"How are you holding up, dear?" Martha asked as she took in Kate's beaten up appearance. Kate was not expecting the concern, though she realized upon inquiry that she should have been expecting it. Martha was a very compassionate individual, who knew how much her son cared for the detective.

"I'm okay," Kate replied. "I'm holding up."

"You should really go home and get some sleep," Martha said quietly. "Kate, you look exhausted." Kate nodded. She silently realized that she didn't feel safe going home. Not tonight. She began to wonder what she should do. And even though Esposito had told the doctor he'd look after her for the night, Kate didn't actually intend to let him.

"Yeah," Kate replied finally, "I just wanted to pop in and see how he was doing before I turn in for the night."

"You do have a place to stay tonight, don't you?" Martha said, after picking up on the delay. "If you don't, i'm sure that you could..."

"No, it's okay. I have a place." Kate swallowed. "I'll be back tomorrow morning." Martha stood up and wrapped her arms around Kate before she could leave.

"You take care of yourself," Martha spoke softly. "Remember, Rick would want you to take care of yourself, first and foremost."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just worried about him," Kate found herself admitting, "I'll take care. You have a good night."

* * *

Kate walked aimlessly around the hospital for the few minutes, trying to figure out where she would go for the night. She felt about to drop, but there was absolutely no way she was going home. Finally, after resigning herself to just take a cab and stay at a hotel for the night she slowly headed towards the parking lot to see Lanie waiting there for her.

"Lanie!" Kate exclaimed happily, "What are you doing here?"

"Who? Me? I just figured I had a friend that could use me," she smiled. "I'm sorry it took me so long. I had to examine a body."

"Bridges?" Kate asked aloud.

"Mmhmm," Lanie replied, "Took five bullets to bring him down. But he's good and dead, now."

"Good," Kate said with a curt nod, and she meant it.

"Man, you look like you could really use a hug," Lanie said finally, "I'm assuming you didn't escape the blast, not completely." Lanie groned. "I haven't seen something that bad in a long time."

"No, I didn't. But I'm all right," Kate said as she hugged her friend. She noted how Lanie held onto her for a long time like she knew how much Kate needed it. Kate simply wanted to break down in tears. Finally, Lanie broke the contact, and Kate wiped at the tears streaming down her face. _Man, I really gotta get over this crying crap, _Kate thought to herself. _I'm starting to get really pathetic._

"He'll be all right, girl," she spoke reassuringly, "You know how he is."

"Yeah," Kate swallowed, her voice hoarse, "I do."

"What would you say about having a little sleepover at my place?" Lanie suggested.

"Oh," Kate let out a laugh, "Lanie, that would be wonderful." Lanie smiled and opened the passenger side of her sports sedan, signaling for Kate to get inside. "To be honest, I wasn't sure if I had a place to go tonight," Kate admitted.

"Esposito might have let that bit of information slip when we talked on the phone earlier," Lanie said quietly as she climbed into the driver's side.

"Wait a minute," Kate smiled suddenly, feeling the need for a bit of gossip. "What exactly is going on between you and Esposito?"

"Oh nothing," Lanie let out a laugh of her own, realizing that she wasn't very good at being subtle.

"Uh huh," Kate said mockingly, "Right." Kate found herself laughing again, this time happily.

"How about we head home to my place," Lanie suggested. Kate let out a grateful nod and leaned back into the seat.

"Just to give you a heads up," Kate nearly whispered, "If you notice anyone following us, It's probably just the detail. Esposito went behind my back and had one assigned. I guess that Bridges knew where I lived somehow."

"You know that Javier was just looking out for you right," Lanie asked. Kate gave a noncommital shrug, though she knew it was true. She closed her eyes, and in moment she was asleep, her head lolling on her shoulder.

She was dreaming about Castle when a shrill noise sounded on Lanie's phone. Kate let out a groan as it went off a second time.

Lanie let out a, "You have got to be kidding me," under her breath before picking it up.

"This is Lanie Parish," Lanie's voice was quiet as she picked up the call, acting as if she worried that she might wake up Kate otherwise. What she didn't know is that Kate was a light sleeper, and there was no going back now. Kate listened as someone (she couldn't tell who) talked quickly into the other end of the phone.

"Are you sure?" Lanie asked a moment later, "Okay, I'll be right there. What's the address?"

"Okay. Thanks," Lanie said with a sigh, "Bye." Lanie flipped her phone shut and nearly dropped it on the floor. Kate shifted in her seat and leaned forwards.

"What was that about?" Kate asked.

"Oh, you're awake," Lanie stated, looking a bit withdrawn. "Uh...I'm really sorry but a body just turned up."

"That's fine," Kate sighed, "Just drop me at my place and..." Kate was surprised when Lanie interrupted.

"Kate," Lanie said rather loudly, "You didn't let me finish."

"Okay," Kate said slowly. "So what else is there." Kate suddenly noticed the way that Lanie was currently looking at her, and knew it was bad.

"They have an ID on the body," Lanie said slowly, waiting for it to register, "Kate, the name is Gina Cowell... She was shot to death an hour ago. She never made it out of her apartment tonight." Kate's jaw fell open, a look of shock on her features, as the words poured from her mouth.

"Are you sure? Castle's ex-wife was murdered?" Kate's thoughts began to race through her head. _We missed someone. There has to be someone else out there!_ But one thought reigned over all others. _How in the hell am I going to tell Castle when he wakes up? What if Alexis and Martha are still in danger?_

_(To be continued...)_

**_Please Read and Review!_**


	11. I Belong To You

Title: **Disaster Button**

Category: TV Shows » Castle  
Author: Greygirl03  
Language: English, Rating: Rated: T  
Genre: Drama/Suspense

Chapter 11: I Belong To You

_**A/N: So wow...it's literally been months since I updated this story. It seems like a huge injustice, and I'm glad that I can finally correct it. Somehow, when I lost the final chapter, which I felt I had perfected on my other hard drive, I couldn't even fathom the possibility of rewriting the chapter. Finally, about a month ago, when I was watching some episode from the end of season 2, I decided that I just had to finish this story. So I started working on it. Then...school happened. I haven't had enough free time to update the best of my stories and the ones I consider to be my favorite, such as "Ask Me How I Love You." Anyhow, so I chiseled away at this update. And by no means is this chapter as awesome or perfect in my mind as it was before, but I did the best I could to get it back to a place where I was happy with it. So...now I think it's finally time to end the story. I was going to write a short epilogue, abut I would up just tacking it on to the end of this chapter. If you'd like more, perhaps a glimpse as to what things are like a couple of years down the road, I still might consider doing that. Otherwise, I'd like to add one more story into the completed column, since I have so many that are still in the works. Hopefully, you've enjoyed reading this story and will check out my other fics as well. I can't thank you enough for sticking with me all this time. You guys are truly wonderful. I would especially like to thank those who reviewed this story. All of your reviews are priceless. They make all of the work and the effort worthwhile. Of course any author writes for his or her own gratification, but positive reviews such as the ones you gave me, really do make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. They make me want to write and become better with each passing story and chapter. Without further ado...the final chapter! Please read and review at the end! Thanks!**_

* * *

_"Okay. Thanks," Lanie said with a sigh, "Bye." Lanie flipped her phone shut and nearly dropped it on the floor. Kate shifted in her seat and leaned forwards._

_"What was that about?" Kate asked._

_"Oh, you're awake," Lanie stated, looking a bit withdrawn. "Uh...I'm really sorry but a body just turned up."_

_"That's fine," Kate sighed, "Just drop me at my place and..." Kate was surprised when Lanie interrupted._

_"Kate," Lanie said rather loudly, "You didn't let me finish."_

_"Okay," Kate said slowly. "So what else is there." Kate suddenly noticed the way that Lanie was currently looking at her, and knew it was bad._

_"They have an ID on the body," Lanie said slowly, waiting for it to register, "Kate, the name is Gina Cowell... She was shot to death an hour ago. She never made it out of her apartment tonight." Kate's jaw fell open, a look of shock on her features, as the words poured from her mouth._

_"Are you sure? Castle's ex-wife was murdered?" Kate's thoughts began to race through her head. We missed someone. There has to be someone else out there! But one thought reigned over all others. How in the hell am I going to tell Castle when he wakes up? What if Alexis and Martha are still in danger?_

* * *

"Oh, God," Kate breathed, "I can't believe that she's dead. How… How on earth am I supposed to tell Castle when he wakes up? I mean I know that they were divorced, but they were still on amicable terms…."

"Kate," Lanie spoke the woman's name calmly, hoping to keep her friend calm. "Kate, calm down."

"I can't… Crap. We…we missed something," Kate said quickly. "Someone is still out there and they want us to know it. Lanie, I need your phone."

"What?" Lanie stole a glance.

"I need your phone! Now!" Kate tired to keep her voice calm as she spoke. "I need to call Esposito. If…If Gina's really dead then everyone else could be in serious danger, including Alexis, and Martha."

"What about your phone?" Lanie asked quickly.

"I expect that it is in pieces on the warehouse floor," Kate replied, "Now can I borrow your phone? Please?" Without another word, Lanie was handing over the phone. She watched sadly as Kate fidgeted with the device. She noticed, in particular, that Kate's hands were shaking, and decided to make it easier on the other woman.

"He's speed dial 2," Lanie commented meekly as she kept driving. "Less buttons to push."

"Two?" Kate couldn't keep the amusement from her voice.

"Yes. Two," Lanie replied. "Ryan is three. What?" Lanie asked innocently. "Why look so offended? You're speed dial 1! Always have been and always will be."

"No reason. It's just that now I'm sure that something is going on between the two of you," Kate teased. She decided to take her jest further as she said, "Now, just as a heads up, is he going to call me honey or sugar when he answers?" causing Lanie to stick out her tongue at her. Kate laughed softly as she waited for Esposito to answer.

The phone rang a few times, and Kate waited anxiously for him to pick up. Her heart felt like it was pounding out of her chest. Kate tapped her fingers against her left leg and held the phone to her ear with her right. Most of her left hand was immobilized due to the cast on her arm, but she still couldn't help but fidget anyways. She had all this pent up tension in her body and no chance of releasing it. At least, not until she knew that Castle was going to be okay. She looked out the window, watching as countless strings of lights streaked by. It was already getting dark out. Finally, the ringing on the phone ceased and a voice cropped up in its place.

"Esposito," his voice echoed over the headset.

"Sito," Kate spoke quickly, "Hey, its Kate. Look, we have a big problem."

"What's the problem?" Esposito replied calmly.

"Lanie and I just got a call," Kate choked out, "Sito, Gina Cowell is dead."

"I know," Esposito replied.

"Wait…what? You already know? How?" Kate's voice inflected as she became surprised that he knew more than she did.

"The FBI," Esposito breathed as he leaned against the wall outside of Castle's room in the ICU. He tried to rub the sleep from his eyes using the thumb and forefinger of his right hand. "It's been like a freaking zoo here ever since you left. As it turns out, they'd already assigned her a protective detail. They were already stationed outside of her apartment before the murder even occurred. They're all dead." Esposito spoke.

"They killed the detail?" Kate swallowed, over her rapidly drying throat.

"Execution style," Esposito replied. "It's bad, Kate."

"I guess we're about to find out. We're headed there now," Kate replied.

"No," Lanie said sternly, "I'm headed there now. You're going back to my place to rest like the doctor ordered you to do." At the same time, Esposito reprimanded her as well.

"Kate," Esposito reprimanded softly. "You need to rest. You do understand the concept, right? It involves lying down in a nice quiet room, turning the lights off, climbing into bed and achieving subsequent unconsciousness."

"I know what sleep is, Esposito," Kate snapped back. "Look, we're already close to the crime scene."

"You're still not coming," Lanie spoke in an authoritative voice.

"Fine," Kate whined, sticking out her bottom lip in a pout. "Kill joy." Kate took a deep breath, trying to keep her thoughts focused on the most pressing matters at hand.

"So what happens now?" Kate breathed. "What are we going to do? Esposito, nothing can happen to Alexis or Martha. Because I…I promised Castle that I would take care of them if something happened to him, and right now he's unable to take care of them. I have no idea of where they even are right now…" Kate's shoulders tensed as the wave of emotions rolling over her became too much. "You know what? I'm coming back. Someone needs to stay with Castle. He needs protection."

"Kate," Esposito's weary, but very loud voice sounded. "No. You need to go home and get some rest."

"But I…" Kate didn't manage to get anything more past her lips.

"Easy, Kate," Esposito cut her off. "Just take a deep breath, and listen to me for a second. They've already moved Alexis and Martha out of the city to an undisclosed location. And I'm standing just outside Castle's room. They'll be safe, Kate, I promise."

"You promise?" Kate sounded unconvinced, "Esposito, you do realize that you just told me less than two minutes ago that Gina's protective detail went down without a fight? And now you're turning around and trying to convince me that they're safe and in good hands?" Kate sounded thoroughly distressed.

"Yes. Look, Kate," Esposito sighed. "Ryan is with them. They _are_ in good hands." Kate let out a sigh as Lanie passed the crime scene and continued on towards her apartment.

"So what's happening at the hospital?" Kate asked finally. "You said that things were crazy… Is Castle okay?"

"Yeah. He's fine. Still sedated." Esposito replied. "They…umm…closed down part of the ICU that he's in order to make sure that no one goes in and out except for medical personal." Kate let out a sigh of relief. She was happy that the FBI was taking Castle's safety so seriously. She wished more than anything that she could be at his side, holding his hand when he woke. She wanted to tell him that she was in love with him.

"Kate?" Esposito's voice pulled her out of her own fantasy. "You still there?"

"Y-yeah," Kate stuttered, "Sorry, I spaced out for a second there. What were you saying?"

"I just wanted to let you know I caught wind of something earlier, and I don't think that you're necessarily going to like it." Esposito breathed. "The FBI wants to run a story in the morning news tomorrow."

"What kind of story?" Kate's brow furrowed as she struggled to keep her thoughts moving at their appropriate speed. Which was easier said than done given the amount of time she'd been up at that point.

"Mainly about the bureau's take down of Black Pawn Publishing, and to expose their actions to the public." Esposito let out a sigh as he began to pace back and forth. He was struggling to figure out how to tell her what they were planning without upsetting her. "Kate," he paused, "I'm pretty sure that they plan to tell the general public Castle is dead. They seem to think it'll be easier for him to disappear that way."

"Wait a minute. Are you trying to tell me that they're planning on putting him in Witsec?" Kate spoke indignantly. "No. No way. There is just no way that Castle is going to go along with that idea. He'll fight them on it."

"Kate," Esposito swallowed. "I just thought I should tell you because you need to be prepared for that possibility. Okay?" Kate closed her eyes, suddenly feeling so much older. She couldn't lose him like this before she even had a chance to tell him how she felt.

Esposito talked strategy the rest of the way there. Finally, as requested, she handed the phone over to Lanie who spent a fair amount of time talking with Esposito before she hung up. When they finally reached Lanie's apartment, Kate opened the door and pulled her bag from the backseat.

She didn't say a single word as they sluggishly moved for Lanie's apartment. As they finally slipped inside of the small apartment Kate looked around. Sure enough, a detail of at least three agents followed them in from behind. One insisted on staying in the apartment with Kate.

"You're kidding right?" Kate said frustratingly as she dropped her bag to the floor. "How the hell am I supposed to fall asleep if some random guy is staring at me the whole time?"

"Kate," Lanie sighed, "It's for your protection. "Look, I promise I won't be gone long. Please just humor me just this once. Look, _someone_ has to keep an eye on you." Kate let out a sigh. She was too tired to argue at this point. She took a deep breath as she plopped down on the couch. She threw her forearm over her eyes and just tried not to think anything at all.

* * *

She hadn't even realized she'd fallen asleep until a soft clanking had her waking. With a groan her eyes flickered open. Her first instinct, upon waking was to reach for her gun. It was still fairly dark in the apartment and she felt disoriented at first. She blinked a few times, trying to get her eyes to adjust to the darkness around her. While looking around, she realized for the first time where she was and why. Another groan escaped her lips as she slowly, gingerly sat up. Her body felt like it had been run over by a freight train. Kate jumped again as she heard noises from the kitchen. He eyes darted over to the apartment entrance and a chill ran up her spine as she realized there was no longer a person stationed at the door. Somehow that unsettled her. What was even more unsettling was that she had no perception in regards to the time that had passed while she was asleep. It could have been and hour or two, or it could have been much longer.

Without making a single sound, she picked her gun up from the coffee table and slipped up from the couch without making a single noise. She crept towards the kitchen with the gun raised. Her stature was poised perfectly and she was ready to fire. The safety was still on but she could turn it off easily, and fire in the span of a single second. She took a long, deep calming breath as her heart pounded in her ears. She had to face the possibility that she was in danger. As she entered the archway, she jumped again as Lanie suddenly came into view.

"What the #$##," A loud expletive was filling the air as Lanie nearly had a heart attack. Kate nearly did as well. In an instant, Kate lowered the gun, pointing it down towards the floor as she tried to calm her fiercely pounding heart.

"Kate," Lanie breathed slowly, "You're my friend, and so I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt here. But jut what the hell were you thinking pointing that thing at me?"

"I…." Kate swallowed, struggling to explain what had her so on edge, "I'm so sorry…I didn't see the detail, and then I heard someone moving around. It's the cop in me…I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I understand. You just scared the hell out of me." Lanie said as she leant against the counter to keep from fainting.

"If it helps," Kate spoke softly, "The safety was on."

"Just…promise me you'll never do that again," Lanie said, locking eyes with her best friend. Kate nodded, slipping the gun into her holster.

"I promise," Kate said sincerely. "So where is the detail?"

"I kicked them outside when I got home last night," Lanie replied all too quickly. "They're still there, but only because they refuse to leave. I tried to tell them that we'd fine by ourselves. After all, no one even knows you're staying with me. And there's certainly no way that they even know who I am." Kate nodded, watching as her best friend flitted around her small kitchen. "Hey, Are you hungry?" Lanie asked candidly as she indicated the large amount of food covering her countertop.

"Starved," Kate replied honestly. "How did you have the time to make all this?" Kate sighed. "I mean… I didn't even know that you could cook."

"I don't know… I just get on these kicks sometimes, when I need to take my mind off of things. So I started cooking when I got up and now we have a whole array of goodies to choose from."

Kate's eyes darted for the clock. "How long have I been out anyways?"

"A while," Lanie replied vaguely, knowing that Kate would be unhappy if she knew how long she'd truly been out.

"Lanie," Kate's voice held a bit of sternness in it."

"It's umm… 2:30," Lanie replied softly, knowing Kate would freak out about it.

"Wait. What?" Kate spoke indignantly. "2:30? P.M? Then I've been asleep…"

"Fourteen hours," Lanie replied calmly. "But girl, you needed it."

"Are you crazy? No. I…I have to get to the hospital," Kate looked visibly upset.

"Uh uh. Not yet." Lanie commanded softly. "You need to eat something first."

"Lanie please!" Kate said calmly. "He could already be gone. I…I have to see him!"

"And we will as soon as you eat something," Lanie said firmly. "Girl, I haven't seen you eat in nearly three days. So you'd better eat something or we're not going anywhere."

Kate did as she was told. Her and Lanie ate quickly in what could only be considered comfortable silence for a while. They were both eating too quickly to leave time for much small talk. Kate started getting impatient as she shoveled small piles of food around her plate. She couldn't help but notice the way her best friend was looking at her, as if she had a secret. Finally, it became too much and Kate let out a sigh before looking up to catch Lanie at it again.

"What!" Kate voiced a little more harshly than was intended.

"Nothing," Lanie cleared her throat, looking down.

"Okay. Like I believe that for a single second," Kate said, setting down her fork. "Lanie, why don't you just tell me what you're thinking?"

"Kate," Lanie sighed, "Just forget it, okay?"

"No," Kate said stubbornly, "I want to know why you keep looking at me like that."

"Like what?" Lanie challenged.

"I don't know!" Kate said emphatically, "Obviously, if I knew what you were thinking or why you kept looking at me that way, I wouldn't be asking."

"Kate…" Lanie sighed, looking into Kate's eyes. "It's just hard for me, okay?" She held Kate's gaze as she continued, "I've seen some truly horrific things in the past few days and I'm finding it a bit hard to take it all in." Lanie took a deep breath. "And so that's why I'm looking at you like this. It's because…because you're my friend and I care about you. You went through a lot yesterday, physically and emotionally. I nearly lost my best friend."

"Lanie," Kate said with slight annoyance. "I'm fine."

"No you're not," Lanie replied emphatically. Kate groaned. "Hey. Do you really expect me to believe you?" A beat. "Kate, you're my friend. I…I know a hell of a lot more about you than I probably should. And it's obvious that you're not okay. Not even close."

"I know that," Kate spoke passionately, "but you don't have to worry about me. I've been through worse. I'll deal."

"Let's be frank, shall we?" Lanie muttered, deciding to take the more direct route. "Kate, a bomb blew up in your face yesterday and you almost died; you and writer boy almost died."

"I didn't almost die, Lanie," Kate groaned. "It wasn't that bad."

"No?" Lanie's eyes flashed. "Hey. Do you honestly think that I don't have some buddies in the CSI unit? Have you really disillusioned yourself that much?" Lanie sounded like a mother when she said. "You must have. Because anyone with half a brain would have realized that one of the charges didn't go off." Kate gulped as she felt her heart race in her chest.

"Crime scene analysts showed me some of the pieces that were left over from the devices used to set off the main charges. It wasn't until the building got cleared out and they were able to disable the second explosive device that they were able to determine that it misfired." Kate swallowed as her heart started pounding in her chest all over again. "From the way that the charges were set, it was obvious that they were both supposed to go off at the same time. Only, for some reason, whomever set the charges made an error and one went off without setting off the other." Lanie held her gaze.

"Now are you getting it?" she asked softly. "Kate. You lucked out. That's it." She let out a deep tense breath. "And so that's why it's hard to just sit here and pretend that everything is fine…. when I saw and know the worst of it." Kate let out a deep breath herself as she locked eyes with her best friend. She found her mouth was dry and so she took a sip of water before finally speaking.

"He tried to tell me to go," Kate admitted finally. "He knew that it was a trap and told me that I needed to get out, but I couldn't….I couldn't just leave him, you know?" Kate sighed. "I…I don't know how. I really don't. But I…I love him Lanie. And I couldn't turn back." Kate tore her eyes away quickly, feeling vulnerable.

"Look," she sighed, thinking about how much worse things could have been if both charges had blown at the same time. "I know that I made a bad choice. What I did was stupid." She took a deep breath before continuing. "But I don't regret it, Lanie. I mean…if the drums had blown together, the compounded energy probably would have taken down the whole warehouse with it anyways, whether I was standing 10 meters away from him or 50."

"So that's it," Kate admitted, "That's the only reason I'm sitting here in front of you and why Castle wasn't vaporized." Kate sounded disappointed in herself when he said. "Sheer dumb luck." Kate squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment, forcing herself to take a deep breath."

"I…I have to talk to Castle," Kate breathed.

"Just let me clean up and minute and then I'll take you," Lanie said. Kate helped her clear some of the dishes and walked back to the couch, dropping down onto it. She was about to flick on the screen when Lanie stole the remote. Kate looked at her accusatorially.

"What?" Lanie asked innocently.

"Lanie," Kate spoke, "I want to watch the news."

"No you don't," Lanie said quickly. "Kate," she sighed, "Trust me on this. It's all over the news." Then the realization hit.

"Castle's supposed death?" Kate's face scrunched up as she fought back all of her emotions.

"Yeah," Lanie swallowed. "They're being very kind. They're calling him one of the best mystery writers to ever live. Fans all over are devastated and holding vigils. Naturally, they're talking about pulling the plug on the Nikki Heat movie out of respect for him, but you know they won't. His death guarantees the movie even more gold." Kate sighed standing up.

"You ready to go?" Kate asked impatiently. She needed to see him. She needed to make the pain in her chest go away.

"Yeah," Lanie replied. "I can only drop you off though. Another body popped up on the other side of town. Besides you probably don't want me around when you talk with writer boy."

* * *

Nearly a half an hour later, Kate jumped out of the car, squinting in the bright daylight outside. Her head still ached and throbbed where it had split open. She shifted in her jacket, trying to get the fabric to sit on her shoulders just right. She looked around, her jaw clenching as he tried to keep her expression impassive. She walked for the doors, flashing her badge to the guard posted there. She walked slowly through the halls, her nostrils flaring distastefully at the smell of bleach. She'd never really liked hospitals much. Luckily, since she worked homicides she rarely had to visit them.

As Kate rounded the corner into the west wing of the hospital her brow furrowed. The entire hallway was roped off and was crawling with bluecoats. Press surrounded them, clogging up the adjacent hallways, forcing her to push her way through. Kate walked steadily towards the two conspicuous FBI agents posted at the junction of the main hallway. She flashed them her badge and tried to duck under the tape.

"Miss," a conspicuous man in a blue suit, grabbed her arm, preventing her from reaching her goal. "This area is completely restricted to FBI personal and hospital staff only."

"Perhaps you didn't see," Kate, flashed her badge in front of his face again, "I'm detective Beckett with the NYPD. And I need to get through." Kate's eyes flashed as the man talked into his cufflink. "That man in there…that you're keeping me from? He's my partner."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," the man replied with a deadpanned expression.

"Seriously?" Kate spoke indignantly. "You've got to be kidding me. I need to see Castle. Now you can get out of my way or I'm…"

"Hey Jenkins. She's with me," the voice that cut her off in mid-sentence left a chill shooting up her spine. She knew that voice, and she knew that it could only mean one thing. She groaned inwardly as her eyes looked up to confirm what she already knew. Her eyes locked with those of a very cocky looking Will Sorenson. He approached her, and before she could mutter a single word, he was leading her down the hallway by the arm.

"Will," Kate tried to pull her arm away, but Will held it tighter. She felt her blood begin to boil as he refused to look at her and kept his eyes straight ahead.

"Will, what are you doing?" Kate hissed as he led her around another corner. He led her down the hall quickly, and her eyes darted towards the room where she knew Castle was being held in. Through the small window, she was able to see that there were a few men in there conversing with him. They were all in dark suits, and had ear pieces. As Will continued to force her along, she strained her neck to see if Castle was awake. To her surprise, he seemed to be gesturing with his hands. For a moment, Kate thought they were going to go inside, but instead, Will pulled her into a small lounge across the hall and shut the door.

"Just what the hell was that?" Kate rounded on him as soon as the door clicked shut. "Will, what the hell is going on?" Kate began to pace back and forth. "I need to see him!" Kate said desperately.

"I know you do," Will replied softly. "But you can't see him. Not yet anyways," Will said, blocking the door. "Look, I know that you must be upset, but we have to be really careful right now." Will locked eyes with her. "We're getting ready to move him."

"Move him," Kate swallowed heavily. "Move him where?"

"I'm afraid that…I can't tell you that," Will answered softly.

"You're putting him in Witsec, aren't you?" Kate's voice broke. "You're going to give him a new name and move him out into the middle of nowhere."

"Kate," Will spoke, trying to calm her down a little bit.

"What the hell are you even doing here?" Kate sounded angry. "Why take this case? I thought you said you weren't involved in the WPP program."

"I'm not typically," Will replied. "But I have a particular interest in this case, obviously. Believe it or not, I find Castle to be a decent human being. I want to help in any way I can. Having someone to help you through this process really makes a difference. I thought it might make it a bit easier if he knew his case handler."

"Please. You can't… You can't do this." Kate nearly cried.

"Kate," Will looked extremely apologetic. "It's the best way to keep him safe. You know it is." He took a deep breath. "Look," he sighed. "I know that you're smart, and therefore, you know what Gina's death means. It means that someone else is still out there. And I guarantee that they will do everything in their power to get to Castle if they can. Witness protection is the only way to keep him out of harms way. Otherwise, his profile is just too conspicuous. He's practically a celebrity Kate. Half the people in this city know who he is. We're going to have our work cut out for us, just to make him disappear. And then there's a whole other issue of making him stay off the radar. All it's going to take is one fan, whom recognizes him… and then we'll have to move him all over again."

"This isn't fair," Kate breathed raggedly. "I can't lose him like this!" Kate muttered as tears leaked from her eyes. "Not before I've even had a chance to tell him how I feel."

"Kate," Will breathed softly as he walked over. He pulled her into his arms and held her for a long moment. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I'm so sorry." He released her.

"Look, I can get you five minutes with him, but that's about it. We have people stationed out back. Hopefully, we can get him out of here under the radar of the press and everyone else. We would have done it sooner, only we had to make sure that he was stable." Will took a deep breath as he checked his watch again. "At this point, I'm just waiting on Ozarsky to finish briefing him on the particulars. Then you'll get your chance to say whatever it is you need to say."

"What am I supposed to say?" Kate asked, looking more lost than Will had ever seen her. "I can't even think about the possibility of saying goodbye."

"Then don't. Don't say goodbye. Just tell him how you feel, Kate," Will spoke softly. "That's all you can do."

"I can't… " Kate shook her head. "I can't tell him."

"Why not?" Will challenged Kate quickly. It was almost as if he were daring her. And she knew why.

"Because," Kate argued. "Telling him is only going to make what is about to happen so much harder on the both of us."

"Kate," Will said slowly. "Wouldn't you really rather know? If it were you? Wouldn't you want him to tell you? Because I know that if it were me, I'd want to know. He dedicated two years of his life to you. He loves you Kate, and I think he deserves to know how you feel. Please…just think about it." A radio crackled, interrupting their conversation. A voice informed Will that they were all set, giving them their window.

"I can give you only about five minutes," he breathed as he opened the door for her. "But that's it." Kate nodded, walking across the hallway. "I'll make sure you have some privacy." She nodded graciously, stealing one last glance before she pulled open the door and slipped inside. Will moved to stand at his post outside of the door so as to keep anyone from interrupting. Castle shifted on the bed. Suddenly Kate was freezing in mid-step as his blue eyes met hers.

"Kate," her name was barely a whisper and it seemed to tug on her heart even more painfully than before.

"Hey," She smiled as she moved towards him quickly. In one moment of unrestrained passion, he pulled her into his arms, and she held onto him tightly. He grunted and winced in pain, but held the embrace nonetheless. They embraced for a long moment. "Thank god you're okay," Castle breathed into her neck. "I was so worried about you."

"You were worried about me?" Kate repeated. "Castle, you scared the living daylights out of me. God, for a minute, I thought I had lost you." She held his gaze as she said. "Me? I'm completely fine."

Castle reached out for her, running his hand over her cheek in a caress. He frowned as he saw the stitches lining her hairline. She closed her eyes, savoring every moment. Her heart ached for him. She wanted to stay with him. "Still, you got hurt," he looked as if he were in physical pain, as he added the last part, "And it was my fault."

"It's just a scratch," Kate shrugged it off as she strode across the room. "If anything. I'm the one who should be apologizing. I am just so sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

"But you were," Castle said as she pulled away. He held her gaze.

"No," Kate shook her head. "You came to me and asked for help, and I just shrugged you off. If anything, I failed you in the worst way." Kate couldn't keep the tears from spilling from her eyes. "You have _always_ been there for me, and I wasn't…I wasn't there for you."

"Kate," Castle was sincere as he replied. "If its forgiveness you want, then you know I forgive you." He paused. "I can't blame you for not taking me seriously. Especially, when I'm hardly ever serious about anything."

"Castle," Kate spoke his name as she grabbed his hand. "I don't think we have much time."

"I know," he shook his head, looking a bit sad. "I know we don't. I'm sorry."

"This isn't fair," Kate breathed finally, looking visibly upset. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she spoke again. "You don't have to do this," Kate pleaded finally. "Rick, please."

"Kate," Castle replied honestly, "You know I can't stay. Staying here puts everyone I care about in danger. I couldn't ever live with it if something ever happened to you, or Ryan, or Esposito. This… This is my fault, and if anything? This is what I should have done initially. I…I almost died. I can deal with that, but I nearly got you killed. And that is something I can't deal with… Risking my life is one thing, risking the life of others that I love is another."

"I…. I understand," Kate swallowed thickly. "You need to keep Martha and Alexis safe."

"Gosh," Castle breathed finally, "You know, I don't think that Alexis is ever going to be able to forgive me for this. She was supposed to do this summer program at Princeton, and now all of her plans have gone up in smoke. And then, to add insult to injury she is going to have to switch schools for her Senior year. Start completely over from scratch…." Castle shook his head. "I've ruined everything."

"Castle," Kate reached out and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze, "You know that's not true. Nothing matters more to Alexis than having her father. She will be okay. It…It might be hard for a while. It's…It's going to be a big adjustment. But you'll be okay, Castle. You're a great father, and always make the best of what you can." Castle nodded, gracious for her kindness and her optimism.

Kate took a deep breath. "Rick, we're going to find them, okay? Whoever it is…we're going to find them and we'll get you back here as fast as we can."

"Kate," Castle sighed. "I appreciate that, but you know it's going to be a while. The fact is…. it might not ever happen." Kate struggled to hold back everything as she realized the truth of that statement. God, it made her feel like her heart was being ripped out. She didn't want to believe it was true. She couldn't…

"But hey," Castle forced a smile as he tried to be optimistic, "We still had a good run, didn't we?"

"I'd say so," Kate replied softly. Her eyes darted to the clock and her heart pounded as she realized they were running out of time.

"Rick," Kate choked out finally, deciding that Will was right and she needed to tell him about how she felt. "About that…Look, I…" Kate's heart was racing as she tried to find the right words to say. "I know that I'm not the easiest person to get to know, and that I don't always let on as to what is going on in my mind. Somehow, over the years, I've built up a lot of walls. The truth is, ever since my mother's murder I've always felt like I was broken inside, and I was afraid of letting anyone in. It seemed to work well for me because the longer I've been working, the more my job has become my life." Kate felt her heart begin to race. "I…," Kate spoke sadly, "I don't know how you did it, but you…you got inside somehow. Somehow, spending the last couple of years with you, made things a little easier. It made my job a little bit more fun. And I want to take you for that."

"That's very kind of you," Castle smiled. "Thanks for that, Kate. That means a lot to me. I'm just glad that I could make you happy. You need more positive things in your life, Kate."

"W-Wait," Kate's voice quavered as she struggled to continue. "Rick, I'm not entirely done.… " Castle sat up a little straighter and his brow furrowed as he cut her off. "So I'm just going to say this and…."

"Why do you keep calling me, Rick?" Castle asked finally. Kate sucked in a breath and held it.

They both jumped as a knock sounded at the door and it opened, revealing Will, whom looked greatly apologetic. "I'm sorry," he spoke softly. "It's time."

"Wait!" Kate spoke emphatically. "Just wait one more minute! Please!" Will looked to a very distraught looking Kate and back to Castle. Finally he nodded, closing the door quickly.

"Kate?" Castle looked troubled himself, "Is everything okay?"

"No," Kate shook her head as tears worked their way down her cheeks, "No it's not okay. Because they're going to take you away before I even have a chance to tell you how I feel." Castle stopped breathing himself as he realized what she meant.

"I…I can't believe that I've been so stupid all of this time. It's literally my job, as a detective, to notice everything around me, to pick up on behaviors, and all this time I've been completely oblivious to what was right in front of me." A sob broke out of the back of Kate's throat as she struggled to continue. "And I still wouldn't even have had a clue if Esposito hadn't spelled it out for me."

"Kate," Castle squeezed her hand sympathetically. "It's okay."

"No…No it's not," Kate shook her head. "What I did to you wasn't okay. Castle…I…I…"

"Easy," Castle soothed as he reached out for her and pulled her close. He wiped away her tears with the pad of her thumb. "Kate, calm down. Take a deep breath. It's okay. I'm telling you that it's okay."

"I just need you to know how I feel," Kate choked out. "Castle, I…I broke it off with Tom."

"Why?" Castle's voice was thick. He looked confused. "I thought that you liked him, Kate. And he really cares about you."

"I broke it off with Tom because I…I don't know how to say this given the circumstances, but I…. I just have to tell you. I...I think I'm in love with you." Kate watched Castle take in her words as the burden of the truth was seemingly lifted from her shoulders.

"Kate," Castle's voice was broken as he spoke her name. "Don't say that. Please…don't."

"I know…I know…" Kate's voice broke, "It's probably the worst possible moment to tell you but I…I couldn't let you leave without knowing. I felt like you deserved to know that you meant more to me. I love you."

"Kate, please," Castle pleaded as he squeezed his eyes shut. Castle let out a deep breath. Kate took advantage of his eyes being closed, and leant forwards. Ever so gently she pressed her lips against, his, and then reached up to run her fingers through his hair. He moaned into the kiss, trying to hold her close as her tongue pushed its way into his mouth. Kate didn't want to pull away as the door was wrenched open, but was forced to as several throats clearing forced her to address the new presence. She held onto him for a moment as she held his gaze.

"I want to come with you."

"Kate," Castle shook his head, "I can't let you do that. Your life is meant for the city. You leaving the department now would be doing them a huge injustice." Castle kissed her again softly. "I'll be back. I promise… I don't know how long it'll be till I do, but I will. Just…try to wait for me?"

"Yes," Kate breathed, closing her eyes.

"I love you, Katie," Castle breathed into her ear. "I think I've loved you since you shot me down in that alleyway and walked away from me."

"I love you too," Kate replied. "Look, I know that you probably won't be able to contact me while you're wherever they take you. Just…think of me often?"

"Always," Castle smiled, caressing her one last time. "I'll see you later then?" Kate nodded. Will led her out of the room and led her down the hallway. She couldn't help but keep looking over her shoulder, hoping for one last glimpse of him, but she knew she wouldn't get one. In the back of her mind, she wondered what his new name would be. She could only assume that it would probably wind up being something generic like John or Michael. She squeezed her eyes shut, already wishing to relive their kiss over and over again. She knew that the next chapter of her life was going to seem the longest as she waited for word, for contact.

* * *

Nearly six months later she was sitting at her desk, filling out monotonous paperwork when a small stack of mail was dropped onto the edge of her desk. She reached out for her porcelain mug, taking a sip of delicious coffee, as she turned to peruse the small pile. 'Just one more thing to do' she thought as she started rifling through it, top to bottom. She nearly spilled her coffee as she uncovered a small post card, which a picture of what looked like mountainous terrain. Carefully, she flipped it over. Her brows furrowed as her eyes raked over a long string of numeric numbers, followed by a short message at the bottom.

"_To the extraordinary KB and my friends at the 12__th__. I hope that this card finds you well! Missing you…" _Kate struggled to make out the signature at the bottom, but she knew immediately whom it was from. The initials were unfamiliar, JAP, but she figured it was the initials of his alias.

Her heart pounded in her ears as she set the post card down on her desk and immediately started wrenching its drawers' open, looking for her worn copy of Naked Heat. She'd always kept it close at hand because reading Castle's writing had always made it feel as if he were a little closer. And when she read certain portions of the story where Jameson Rook and Nikki Heat interacted, in many ways it felt like she were reliving some of her best memories with Castle. Finally, she found the book in one of her bottom drawers and pulled it out. She was supposed to be working on other things, but she couldn't help herself. She just had to know what the message said.

Through using the same method they'd once used on an FBI case to decode messages that an overzealous and murderous fan used to contact them, Kate started to decipher what the intended message was from the provided numbers above. The first group of numbers corresponded to a page, the second to a word number and the intended word itself. Quickly, she rifled back and forth, scribbling the words down on a scrap piece of paper in front of her. She made quick work of it. She was anxious and desperate to know what it was he wanted to share. Finally, she filled in the last word and her eyes raced over the completed page. Her heart melted a little as Castle reassured her, through writing, that he was closer than she might think, and that he would be back in NYC soon. He made a declaration of love, and promised her a reward for her patience. Kate sniffled as she wiped away tears.

"What's got Kate Beckett all mushy," Esposito's voice pulled her out of her own world. She looked up and handed Esposito the card. His eyes darted over it and a smile, nearly a mile wide spread across his face. "That sly dog," Esposito laughed. "I take it that this is what's making you so sappy."

"Yeah," Kate nodded. "I miss him."

"I know. We all do," Esposito replied. "He loves you, Kate. Just hang in. He'll be back before you know it. Last I heard, the feds had tracked Sullivan to some place in the Midwest."

"Still it could be months...years before I see him again," Kate sighed. She slipped the postcard into the top of her desk.

* * *

_**Epilogue: Six Months and Three Weeks Later**_

For Detective Kate Beckett, the last several weeks had passed in a blur. She was working insane volumes of overtime as several murder cases alll cropped up at the same time. She was exhausted, and severely sleep deprived. Often, the best she could do was to catch 2 hour naps in the crib every so often. She couldn't even remember the last time she had been home. She'd stopped back once to pack a bag of fresh clothes, which now sat in her locker.

Slowly, Kate walked back into the precinct after interviewing their main witness of the first murdur for what seemed like the dozenth time. She shrugged, trying to readjust the way the fabric, which now seemed incredibly tight around her shoulders. She looked around to find a nearly empty squad room and walked the long length of the room to her desk. For a fraction of a second, her eyes darted to the empty chair beside it. There were days she wished that she would come back to find him waiting for her. It was a silly and unrealistic, and she knew it, but she just couldn't help it. She closed her eyes as she plopped down onto her chair. She rubbed her eyes for a long moment, hoping to alleviate the soreness in them. She opened them and looked up in time to find Esposito approaching.

"Hey," she smiled.

"Hey sleepy head," he teased, "How are you doing?"

"Tired," Kate replied honestly, "You find anything promising in his financials?"

"A few things," he replied absentmindedly as he handed over his notes, and the few abnormalities he had found. "Hey… do you know who that is in there with Montgomery?" he asked with a furrowed brow. Kate looked over her shoulder craning her neck to see what Esposito was talking about.

"No idea, why?" Kate replied as she looked at what Esposito had found.

"Well," Esposito looked around and cleared his throat before speaking. "Ryan heard through the grapevine that Montgomery has been interviewing in order to fill a position within the unit."

"What position?" Kate replied on the uptake. "No one's left. We've got all the staff we need." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Montgomery shaking hands with the figure from his office. It looked like some sort of agreement or deal had been reached. She watched as the man inside fled, walking slowly across the room. Her eyes flickered back to Esposito.

"Except…" Esposito prodded.

"Except for what?" Kate spoke a little more harshly than intended.

"Hey, I'm just saying that the last I heard, Montgomery was searching for a partner for you, Kate," Esposito replied, "After all, you're the only one in this unit without a partner."

"We've gone over this before," Kate replied honestly, "I don't want or need a partner. I thought it was obvious by now that I don't play nice well with others." A voice clearing behind her had her whipping around.

"That's a shame," Montgomery spoke as he locked eyes with Kate, "Because I just hired someone. He insisted that he would be an asset to this unit, and I think he will."

"That's easy for him to say," Esposito replied. "What matters is experience and know how. So…What possible experience does he have in homicide investigations?"

"He was a consultant for a short while," Montgomery replied calmly. "He's well known for his ability to think outside of the box. And frankly, I think we could use a little help. We have a lot of open cases right now."

"Sir," Kate stood up, "I really appreciate that you're looking out for me, but I really don't need a partner. Honestly…I work better by myself."

"Too late," Montgomery replied with a smile, "Paperwork has already been signed." Montgomery inclined his head over towards the main desk. "You know… He might still be around if you'd like to meet him. I asked him to stop at the main desk on his way out."

"Captain," Kate sighed, torn with indecision. She really wished that Montgomery would have realized she wasn't ready for a new partner, or at the very least that he would have talked with her before making such a huge decision. She didn't want a new partner. The only person she wanted at her side was Castle, and she had no idea where the man was at that moment.

"Kate," Montgomery said sternly. "Just trust me on this." Kate nodded, unwilling to displease her own boss too much. Slowly she walked for the main desk. A man, in a long grey coat was leaning over the counter.

"All right Mr. Rodgers, you should be all set," the woman smiled. "Here are your badge and your service piece." Kate watched as she shoved two items across the countertop towards the tall man with short black hair. He carefully picked up each item, as if it were precious and fastened them to his belt. She couldn't really hear what was being sais as she was still too far away and the sound of their conversation was muffled by the other sounds around them.

"Thanks, Cassie," the man cleared his throat.

"No problem, officer," she smiled.

"Please," the man requested softly, "Call me Rick."

"Sure thing," she reassured him. Kate walked out from behind one of the large dividers and into the small space off to the side. Finally she could hear what was going said. She continued to approach them slowly.

"Just one more thing," the man spoke, "I was wondering… Is Detective Beckett working today?" Kate stopped in mid-step, her feet frozen to the floor as her heart stopped beating altogether. She knew that voice. God, she knew it like the back of her hand. It was what she dreamt of every night when she went to sleep. What she craved for every time she listened to the sixth month old voicemail he'd left on her phone.

"Should be, although I don't know if she's in the office. She's currently working on multiple homicides, and so she's been spending a lot of time out in the field," the girl replied. Kate watched as the man's shoulders sagged a little after that.

"Do you want me to ring her desk for you?" the receptionist offered. Castle merely shook his head. "No thank you. I actually know where her desk is. I guess that I'll just check there on my way out."

"Okay," she smiled, "Have a good day, officer."

"Thanks," he replied genuinely, "You too, Cassie." Before he could even turn around, a word slipped from Kate's cherry red lips.

"Castle?" she watched as every muscle in his body tightened, then instantaneously relaxed as he whirled around. A gasp fell from her lips as she saw him for the first time in what seemed like an eternity. "I can't believe it… You… You're here."

"That I am," Castle replied with a wry smile. "God, Kate. You look just as stunningly beautiful as I remember." His eyes twinkled with amusement as he took a step forwards. Kate noticed how he walked with a slight limp. It amazed her. Frankly, it was a miracle that the man could walk at all. Before she could stop herself she was closing the distance between them before impatiently launching herself into his arms. She wrapped her arms around him so tightly that left Rick was left wondering if she ever planned to let go. He picked her up and spun her around. As he set her back down her eyes darted to the gold shield clipped to his belt.

"You… You got certified?" Kate's jaw dropped open.

"Yeah," Castle replied with a smile, "Well, you see… I had a fair amount of time to kill, and I figured that I should put it to good use."

"Wait a minute… are you? We're you just in with Montgomery?" Kate stuttered.

"Yeah," Castle replied softly, "I was trying to get him to consider making me a member of the team. This time on official terms."

"He… I can't believe it," Kate choked out. Before Castle could say another word, Kate was pulling on the lapels of his jacket, crashing her lips against his. The world continued to spin around them, but they were oblivious to it. They were oblivious to everything. Even the loud spurts of applause that broke out in response to what could only be considered a perfect reunion.

* * *

_**So that's it! Hope you enjoyed it! Please Read and Review!**_


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